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When you work it out....

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by GirlFromTheAbstractStorm, Jun 29, 2018.

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  1. GirlFromTheAbstractStorm

    By:GirlFromTheAbstractStormJun 29, 2018
    Coldplayer
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    I wanted to leave this here because I think I might be going under...

    Things just keep getting worse and you wouldnt believe how bad things are now.
    The universe keeps telling me that I will be okay somehow and I do keep finding ways to keep going but the last 2 days were so bad it was unbelievable. I keep hanging on in case I get lucky somehow though but I want to leave something here in case I have to go away suddenly... so you will know I was here and I DID manage to do it. Even if I can't do everything.

    I'm really tired now. I've been up all night "trying to get lucky".

    I'm sort of okay at the moment but I dont know what else will happen and stuff can happen suddenly.

    You tube just spat this out while I was writing this


    Mobile Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHHLHGNpCSA


    [not sure what to make of the video! ;) ]

    I got attacked back in 2016 and I'm still fighting against it all.
    People think I can do things I can't do. It's not that "I've got no brain"
    (she might not have meant that I'm not sure) but just my current situation is grim and so many people have let me down you would not believe. I'm currently patching my system software so that I'm able to do a few basic things so I don't have time to do much else in that vein...

    I don't believe it! They are fucking up my netbook as I try to write this believe it or not.
    They do this kind of thing to people. Not just me but others so we can't do anything we need to do and are just fucked. People can't do something they need to do... and then they can't do something they need to do and then they can't do something they need to do etc. They usually do it to people they see as vulnerable easy targets... so in a way they made a mistake picking an ex-software developer.... but I can only do so much against the relentless onslaught against me.

    I don't have much time before they do something else stupid but I guess I mostly want to say Goodbye in case I don't get the chance.

    Maybe I will find a way to cope with things or maybe I won't and we will meet again in another place one day.

    I have to wrap it up now before something else happens.

    Wish me luck! :)

    Time to get lucky again.... ;)
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2018
    Carolina* likes this.
  2. onlylove

    By:onlyloveJun 29, 2018
    Livin' life in Technicolor
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    Please hang on and get some help.
     
  3. onlylove

    By:onlyloveJun 29, 2018
    Livin' life in Technicolor
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    iamsue likes this.
  4. I ran away

    By:I ran awayJun 30, 2018
    A Rush of Blood to X&Y
    Charity Donator Coldplayer

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    Hey Freya,
    whatever it is, don't give up !
    I know from personal experience that oftentimes one can feel really alone and that everyone and everything in the world is 'out to get you', but you should know that you're not alone. You can can always talk to us, for example - in a thread like this one or the Don't Let It Break Your Heart Thread https://www.coldplaying.com/forum/i...-break-your-heart.107476/page-30#post-5906726, or you can send a PM. There is always someone to listen here :heart:
    I also second what Onlylove said, getting some professional help is never a bad idea and contrary to what many people think, it isn't something to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite, it's a sign of courage and strength.
    If we can help in any way let us know !
     
  5. GirlFromTheAbstractStorm

    By:GirlFromTheAbstractStormJun 30, 2018
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    Actually I loved it the way you did it! Perfect! :laughing:
    Someone did offer to help a fair bit but it was a while ago now but maybe he will drop by at some point! ;)

    ...I find help comes from the strangest places quite often.
    ...and the people you think will help you are the people who let you down the most badly.
    At the moment I'm doing really well at doing things my own way which is working great, and I've been making progress, it's just a really, really bad situation.

    In any case I made it a bit longer so I'm hanging on in here still but it got more grim for a while there than I thought was possible!
     
  6. GirlFromTheAbstractStorm

    By:GirlFromTheAbstractStormJun 30, 2018
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    Not really as there are a few of us in this situation and there used to be more but a lot of people have managed to extract themselves from it. I also don't feel like everything in the world is out to get me. I have had to deal with a lot of idiots but I know I've got a lot of support out there too and the support has been quite vocal.

    One of the things that has made things more difficult was that someone let us down badly so things were much better for a short time but they got worse again... which has happened to other people a lot apparently... but I keep finding ways to do things on my own anyway. For instance I've managed to dump openssh from my own system and to create a new build which has helped a lot and I can do stuff like this for extended periods now. I can't stop them from damaging the current session and processes yet however... Maybe in time but it's a big job to create new builds.

    Still hanging on here.
     
  7. GirlFromTheAbstractStorm

    By:GirlFromTheAbstractStormJun 30, 2018
    Coldplayer
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    Yeah that was garbled because I had been through so much that night and was trying to do stuff with no sleep at all.

    It's just some gangsters with a software exploit.
    You would be surprised how much they can do with that however, because people need to do things.
    People don't realise how much they are reliant on computers for day to day living.

    I sometimes like to go out on the Pier and look out over the Thames and imagine its somewhere else. It's kind of beautiful and often something surprising or good happens and you don't need a computer for that.

    I don't give up that easily... as someone once said in the last couple of years "Shes as strong as lions!" or something like that. ;)
     
    iamsue likes this.
  8. iamsue

    By:iamsueJul 3, 2018
    You're a Sky Full of Stars
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    Glad to hear, Freya. You are also very intuitive and take in your environment easily. That can be good (e.g., drawing peace from the river) or hard (e.g., being very perceptive and sensitive.). Every day, you grow more resilient. I deal with chronic pain and currently, serious acute back pain. I’m in physical therapy and they tell you, some days you make progress, others you have setbacks. Life is like that, too. We all stand with you! Be well.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
  9. GirlFromTheAbstractStorm

    By:GirlFromTheAbstractStormJul 7, 2018
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    Yes I'm doing a bit better today. I've been really upset since 4th July when I had one of those days where everyone said no to me.
    That's all I heard all day... we got your application... the answer is "no!".
    So I have a lot to deal with right now.
    I'd love to have more time for some pastimes... you know Suduko or something. Actually come to think of it that's not my thing at all but I have zero time right now...

    love

    Freya
     
  10. Captain Crieff

    By:Captain CrieffJul 8, 2018
    drinking pink rabbits
    Staff Member Moderator Honorary Coldplayer Coldplayer

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    Hang in there, Freya :heart: and know there's always someone you can talk to when you need help.
     
  11. GirlFromTheAbstractStorm

    By:GirlFromTheAbstractStormJul 9, 2018
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    There is!

    Always!

    I'm going to have a poster made of that. It's perfect.
    Neatly sums up my life over the last few years.

    Thanks so much for that Captain you made me laugh at the start of a new day.

    love

    Freya
     
    Captain Crieff likes this.