Jump to content
📡 HIGHER POWER MUSIC VIDEO OUT JUNE 8 📡

I'm glad I'm not a girl


Recommended Posts

Provocative title which takes some explanation. My actual point is that I wish it was easier for women to be women than it is. And I hope it does become easier in the future. It's so much easier to be a man, generally speaking, in this life.

 

The thing that really weirds me out, and I wish i could change it (and much of this applies to males too, though not all of it) is the constant focus on appearance and the importance of being sexy that's almost always pushed forward in everyday life. I wish sex education was better in schools and I wish there were lessons on equality and respect between the two genders (I'm talking about genders on a traditional level here, I am aware of the blurred spectrum of gender that exists, though i don't have the time to go into that I'm afraid).

 

I just feel like peoples "imperfections" are seized upon and beauty becomes a commodity that can be bought with the right purchase (be it the right toothpaste, the right clothes or the correct body shape achieved through some kind of magic slimming food/pill or surgery). And the thing with commodities is you need to keep pushing it, because capitalism doesn't work on the basis of buy this and you'll be sorted and won't need to buy anything else. So even after purchasing the product to sort your life out and get you the boy, you need another imperfection to be thrust upon you, and another imperfection. I find it so bizarre because it's peoples imperfections that you tend to fall in love with. It is what separates them from the rest. It is what makes them them.

 

Yet if females don't play the game and buy into all this crap they are ridiculed and held up as frigid, prudish or unattractive. If females do play the game and seek happiness through these means they are met with increased levels of sexism, whether it is being called a slut or even sexual assault (when you get people defending rapists because a girl was dressed certain way).

 

And to top it off, if they do take control of their body and enjoy their sexuality, they are also seen as a slut. It needn't matter if all that they are doing is safe and consensual and they are merely enjoying their bodies, it's seen as shameful.

 

So if you don't play along you're ridiculed and made to feel unattractive. If you do play along you're made out as a slut and you're constantly having your imperfections held up, because you have to maintain that appearance. If you let things slip and put on a few pounds/kilos then people will talk. And if you try to take control of yourself and just enjoy yourself then there will be plenty of people to judge you and try to stop you.

 

There's a very narrow spectrum of possible 'success' for women in this regard. Only a certain type of women are respected on sexual grounds and it really annoys me. For men it's completely different. Generally speaking, men can get away with all sorts. They are just being men. Doing what men do. They can have different pressures of course, but not to the extent that women have them, forced from all sides at all times. It's fucked up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 397
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I wish I could thank your post at least 9480234 times :wacky:

 

Yeah, it's really not easy being female.

Especially not in countries where cows are treated more nicely than us, or where we get raped by a group of men and then killed. I'm glad I'm living in a country where such things happen rarely, still, we get less money for the same work men do, put into categories and behaviours that are at least 200 years old (woman belong to the kitchen and all that crap) and, as you said, laughed at and insulted as sluts when we're confindent about our sexuality. Men get patted on the back if they sleep with countless of women.

 

Funny thing I saw on youtube video a while ago:

 

There was a girl saying exactly the kind of things you wrote in your post;

she stopped wearing make-up because the superficialness was pissing her off, and the got asked at college if she was alright or having any problems at home. Because she looked natural.

WTF!

 

Sometimes I wish I was a boy just to know it feels to get treated with respect by men.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I stopped wearing makeup as well, I started around year 9 to try and fit in and eventually gave up because I hated it, I'd constantly be worrying if it had smudged and I still considered myself ugly with it anyway so I thought why bother plus acne.

 

My boss at work one time kept asking me why I don't wear makeup and saying all this stuff about giving me a makeover and acting like she is this perfect life coach and how else will I get a boyfriend, honestly it made me feel so small and I just wanted to cry.

I choose not to wear makeup because I feel less self conscious without it, I know I'm no Scarlett Johanssen with flawless skin but I wouldn't want to be around people who choose to judge me on my looks anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I wish I could thank your post at least 9480234 times :wacky:

 

Yeah, it's really not easy being female.

Especially not in countries where cows are treated more nicely than us, or where we get raped by a group of men and then killed. I'm glad I'm living in a country where such things happen rarely, still, we get less money for the same work men do, put into categories and behaviours that are at least 200 years old (woman belong to the kitchen and all that crap) and, as you said, laughed at and insulted as sluts when we're confindent about our sexuality. Men get patted on the back if they sleep with countless of women.

 

Funny thing I saw on youtube video a while ago:

 

There was a girl saying exactly the kind of things you wrote in your post;

she stopped wearing make-up because the superficialness was pissing her off, and the got asked at college if she was alright or having any problems at home. Because she looked natural.

WTF!

 

Sometimes I wish I was a boy just to know it feels to get treated with respect by men.

 

It's instances like this that really highlight the problems inherent in many societies. You've got all the statistics on how prevalent rape is, the statistics on women's pay, etc and then you've also got these ridiculous norms that appear in society that are just taken for granted, which I find just as shocking. If you don't conform then there must be something wrong. It's like if you dress a certain way then you are pretty much asking to be raped. It's so fucking wrong.

 

It makes me deeply ashamed to be a man when it's seen as normal for a rapist/abuser to use the victim and the way that they behaved or the way that they dressed as a defence. You just did something inappropriate (to whatever degree of seriousness) and all you can say is that you had no control over it because you saw a bit of cleavage or leg or the contours of a female body. It demeans men (as well as obviously women) so much for people to accept this and sympathise with men who cross the line. It's saying we can't control our genitals so the women should have to behave in a certain way because we aren't going to change. It's a rape culture and it really freaks me out that I've been born into a place where this goes on and so much of the population aren't ashamed and aren't trying to work hard to eradicate it and change perceptions.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I stopped wearing makeup as well, I started around year 9 to try and fit in and eventually gave up because I hated it, I'd constantly be worrying if it had smudged and I still considered myself ugly with it anyway so I thought why bother plus acne.

 

My boss at work one time kept asking me why I don't wear makeup and saying all this stuff about giving me a makeover and acting like she is this perfect life coach and how else will I get a boyfriend, honestly it made me feel so small and I just wanted to cry.

I choose not to wear makeup because I feel less self conscious without it, I know I'm no Scarlett Johanssen with flawless skin but I wouldn't want to be around people who choose to judge me on my looks anyway.

 

I'm glad you have the strength to behave this way. There isn't anything inherently wrong with wearing makeup (I'm not trying to say you were saying this btw) and it can be an important vessel for expression and can be a confidence thing for reasons beyond attracting other people (plus other things), but it's certainly not something that everybody should be doing. Certainly not everybody doing it for the same reason - that it is expected of them for sexual reasons. When it becomes expected is when it becomes a problem. It's the motives behind doing it that tend to dictate whether you are doing the right things.

 

I'm glad you saw that you were doing it for the wrong reasons and it made me happy to read your post. Your final point was great and I wish more people understood this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I made this thread because I was horrified after reading this threads from this site:

 

http://www.coldplaying.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38996&highlight=feminism

 

Figured I'd leave out the term feminist/feminism from the title and first few posts as it tends to scare people at the start and everybody begins on the defensive.

 

 

actually, this reminds me of a great post on tumblr i read the other day; i'll stick it under a spoiler 'cause it's kinda long:

 

 

 

A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On

 

Feminists do not want you to lose custody of your children. The assumption that women are naturally better caregivers is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not like commercials in which bumbling dads mess up the laundry and competent wives have to bustle in and fix it. The assumption that women are naturally better housekeepers is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to have to make alimony payments. Alimony is set up to combat the fact that women have been historically expected to prioritize domestic duties over professional goals, thus minimizing their earning potential if their “traditional” marriages end. The assumption that wives should make babies instead of money is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want anyone to get raped in prison. Permissiveness and jokes about prison rape are part of rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want anyone to be falsely accused of rape. False rape accusations discredit rape victims, which reinforces rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to be lonely and we do not hate “nice guys.” The idea that certain people are inherently more valuable than other people because of superficial physical attributes is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to have to pay for dinner. We want the opportunity to achieve financial success on par with men in any field we choose (and are qualified for), and the fact that we currently don’t is part of patriarchy. The idea that men should coddle and provide for women, and/or purchase their affections in romantic contexts, is condescending and damaging and part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to be maimed or killed in industrial accidents, or toil in coal mines while we do cushy secretarial work and various yarn-themed activities. The fact that women have long been shut out of dangerous industrial jobs (by men, by the way) is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to commit suicide. Any pressures and expectations that lower the quality of life of either gender are part of patriarchy. The fact that depression is characterized as an effeminate weakness, making men less likely to seek treatment, is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to be viewed with suspicion when you take your child to the park (men frequently insist that this is a serious issue, so I will take them at their word). The assumption that men are insatiable sexual animals, combined with the idea that it’s unnatural for men to care for children, is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want you to be drafted and then die in a war while we stay home and iron stuff. The idea that women are too weak to fight or too delicate to function in a military setting is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists do not want women to escape prosecution on legitimate domestic violence charges, nor do we want men to be ridiculed for being raped or abused. The idea that women are naturally gentle and compliant and that victimhood is inherently feminine is part of patriarchy.

 

Feminists hate patriarchy. We do not hate you.

 

If you really care about those issues as passionately as you say you do, you should be thanking feminists, because feminism is a social movement actively dedicated to dismantling every single one of them. The fact that you blame feminists—your allies—for problems against which they have been struggling for decades suggests that supporting men isn’t nearly as important to you as resenting women. We care about your problems a lot. Could you try caring about ours?

 

 

 

and actually that bit is from an article on a website called Autostraddle, which can be found here. it looks like it's got a lot of great stuff in it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you!! It's so nice to hear that a guy thinks this, all of the guys I speak to think they are superior and treat girls like meat saying stuff like "I'd tap that".

I only know a couple of boys who don't think think kind of crap, or at least don't say it out loud.

 

I don't wear makeup, simply because I don't feel comfortable wearing it. A certain person is always telling me to "just put on a little lip gloss" or a bit of eye liner. But I don't want to.

 

I think us girls are always under pressure from guys to look sexy and even act sexy.

I once heard a guy say "well she's no Cheryl Cole", for those who don't know Cheryl Cole is a very stunning woman, but she spends 6 hours in hair and makeup to look that good, i think the statement those boys made was extremely stupid. normal real life girls don't have 6 hours in the morning to get ready.

 

Decent guys like girls for their flaws, because as has been said previously, that's what makes them different.

 

I, myself, am uncomfortable with the way I look, Im not saying I want to look like Kim Kardashian but I would like to be prettier. I don't think make up will do anything though so there's nothing I can do (other than plastic surgery but that's a shit load of money and can often make you look like a ****).

Link to post
Share on other sites

I basically agree with everything said in this thread. :nod:

 

It makes me sick to see girls going around with fake tan and make-up plastered on just because they think it makes them look more attractive, when in reality it just makes them look horrid. Because then you get girls saying "I wish I was more attractive, must go and buy makeup and fake tan so I can look like X!" who are actually perfectly good looking to begin with. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

Please bear with my terrible English. I am not usually good with expressing my thoughts in none other my native language.

 

I have to say that I feel bad about being a female, I hate that feeling & I hate to admit it.

 

I come from an eastern 3rd world country. In our culture, women are usually treated as inferior beings, roles inclusive to be a wife & a mother. I honestly don't know where these societal concepts came from because they are not justifiable by any means.

I don't want to you to draw a stereotypical image now, because I ( as an example) don't live in a tent or follow these concepts, this applies to lots of other females.

There is no contradiction here, because these concepts hide at times but they come back at numerous others to prove that are so far from treated as human beings. Imagine that being a dream that some people die without realizing it. To tell you the truth, I think the only way to be treated in a good way & have a decent quality of life here is to have either money or power, add good looks for women ( it helps at times)

 

so as not to drift away from the topic,I think that females also play a role in that prespective ( these are not the usual it's all the women's fault) here are some random thoughts/questions from my personal experience

 

- women here seem to prefer having a male boss at work! they say women as bosses are not as effecient as men!! they say that they will be jealous at other women & stuff like that.

 

- Women barely vote for other women for public positions! Again, a man is thought to be more efficient.

 

- Advertising things using super sexy model girls dancing is a very successful means to get attention to your product, whether it is a car, a hair product, or a song.

 

- Actresses should all be pretty, talent aside. Looks always come first.

 

- Women don't defend other women being harrassed. Why would we expect men to defend them? You mentioned giving excuses to rapists. Sadly some women give those excuses too, blaming it all on the girl way to dress. Even if the girl is fully clothed, they would say: why did she go out in the first place?

 

- It's very strange for a girl to remain single. Girls can only be of any use when they are married with kids. Other than that they are considered abnormal. People even get suspicious about a girl's delayed marriage & say there has to be something wrong with her! Men are never judged this way.

 

I could go on foerever but I think you get the point. Sorry for the dismal post.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Please bear with my terrible English. I am not usually good with expressing my thoughts in none other my native language.

 

I have to say that I feel bad about being a female, I hate that feeling & I hate to admit it.

 

I come from an eastern 3rd world country. In our culture, women are usually treated as inferior beings, roles inclusive to be a wife & a mother. I honestly don't know where these societal concepts came from because they are not justifiable by any means.

I don't want to you to draw a stereotypical image now, because I ( as an example) don't live in a tent or follow these concepts, this applies to lots of other females.

There is no contradiction here, because these concepts hide at times but they come back at numerous others to prove that are so far from treated as human beings. Imagine that being a dream that some people die without realizing it. To tell you the truth, I think the only way to be treated in a good way & have a decent quality of life here is to have either money or power, add good looks for women ( it helps at times)

 

so as not to drift away from the topic,I think that females also play a role in that prespective ( these are not the usual it's all the women's fault) here are some random thoughts/questions from my personal experience

 

- women here seem to prefer having a male boss at work! they say women as bosses are not as effecient as men!! they say that they will be jealous at other women & stuff like that.

 

- Women barely vote for other women for public positions! Again, a man is thought to be more efficient.

 

- Advertising things using super sexy model girls dancing is a very successful means to get attention to your product, whether it is a car, a hair product, or a song.

 

- Actresses should all be pretty, talent aside. Looks always come first.

 

- Women don't defend other women being harrassed. Why would we expect men to defend them? You mentioned giving excuses to rapists. Sadly some women give those excuses too, blaming it all on the girl way to dress. Even if the girl is fully clothed, they would say: why did she go out in the first place?

 

- It's very strange for a girl to remain single. Girls can only be of any use when they are married with kids. Other than that they are considered abnormal. People even get suspicious about a girl's delayed marriage & say there has to be something wrong with her! Men are never judged this way.

 

I could go on foerever but I think you get the point. Sorry for the dismal post.

 

It's really not a dismal post at all. It's a great post as it brings in another factor of the whole thing. The battered wife syndrome (not sure if this is the correct term, or a politically correct term, so I apologise in advance and assure you all that no offense is intended. i have heard this term used though). A situation where those who are oppressed stick up for those who oppress them (similar to a stockholm syndrome, if you want to think of it this way). Or a child who sticks up for their adult abuser because they do not see the wrong in it.

 

On the other side there are also people who have been forced to act in their own interests because of the system they live in. It's very much a divide and rule culture. To make it in the world you have to sacrifice the things you believe in because your main focus (naturally) is your own well being. It then becomes perfectly natural for oppressed people (women in this circumstance) to enable their oppressors and contribute to the suffering. Like the large proportion of female brothel owners in Asia and Africa who sell their children into the machine. It feels like this is life. This is how it has to be. Like they can't do anything to change it. And why should they if they have their head slightly above the water line? It's better to keep quiet.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The Stockholm syndrome! that's the word I've been trying to find.

I didn't mean to imply that I am suffering that much. I talk about the society in general, though I admit feeling higly insecure walking on the streets these days. My parents didn't implant the idea of me being a wife & a mother as the most important thing in a woman's life. I was brought up with the idea that I should study, get high grades, go to a good college & find a successful career. That's why I never cared about feminine things. I don't put on makeup as I don't understand why should I bother wasting my time changing my eyelids or lips colour. I can never wear high heels because I would fall and break my neck in no time. I prefer to wear trousers because they are more practical & comfortable than skirts. Most importantly I don't feel the urgent need to become a wife & a mother. That's why I get a lot of criticism from everyone & they make me think that I am insane or in the least foolish.

 

I think that all I want for people to treat each others as persons, not judged by their gender.

 

I forgot to write in my previous post that one of the worst concepts is that working women are the reason for men's unemployment, thus if all women stayed at home, all men should be able to work, earn good salaries, provide for their families & we all shall live happily ever after!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
The Stockholm syndrome! that's the word I've been trying to find.

I didn't mean to imply that I am suffering that much. I talk about the society in general, though I admit feeling higly insecure walking on the streets these days. My parents didn't implant the idea of me being a wife & a mother as the most important thing in a woman's life. I was brought up with the idea that I should study, get high grades, go to a good college & find a successful career. That's why I never cared about feminine things. I don't put on makeup as I don't understand why should I bother wasting my time changing my eyelids or lips colour. I can never wear high heels because I would fall and break my neck in no time. I prefer to wear trousers because they are more practical & comfortable than skirts. Most importantly I don't feel the urgent need to become a wife & a mother. That's why I get a lot of criticism from everyone & they make me think that I am insane or in the least foolish.

 

I think that all I want for people to treat each others as persons, not judged by their gender.

 

I forgot to write in my previous post that one of the worst concepts is that working women are the reason for men's unemployment, thus if all women stayed at home, all men should be able to work, earn good salaries, provide for their families & we all shall live happily ever after!!!

 

I have to remind myself at times how lucky I am to (within reason) walk wherever I want, whenever I want in public places and not feel threatened. I hear stories from my female friends all the time about the abuse they get, and I've stories from girls on this site where they've been followed to the doors of their house. That is never in the back of my mind when I go out the house, it's something I have to actively think about, whereas for many women it's completely the opposite. It is something they have to (once again, within reason as being aware of one's safety is important) try and push to the back of their mind at times.

 

The notion that if all women stayed at home then all men would have jobs is a ridiculous one. Sorry to once again make a broad statement on Asia and Africa (I am aware that they are diverse places and that this is not the case for everywhere) but places these continents see a lot of women who are simply there to give birth. When they get careers and become more educated they have less children and many create jobs for others. People should (usually) look upwards when it comes to complaining about unemployment figures, rather than at those they are competing with.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I could talk about this for ages because omg ok

 

I stopped wearing makeup as well, I started around year 9 to try and fit in and eventually gave up because I hated it, I'd constantly be worrying if it had smudged and I still considered myself ugly with it anyway so I thought why bother plus acne.

 

My boss at work one time kept asking me why I don't wear makeup and saying all this stuff about giving me a makeover and acting like she is this perfect life coach and how else will I get a boyfriend, honestly it made me feel so small and I just wanted to cry.

I choose not to wear makeup because I feel less self conscious without it, I know I'm no Scarlett Johanssen with flawless skin but I wouldn't want to be around people who choose to judge me on my looks anyway.

 

Kat you're beautiful :heart: I love you so much, seriously i went through exactly this :hug:

After reading this I'm actually considering to stop wearing makeup. Because now that I remember I started using makeup because I was bullied heavily by some boys that called me ugly and masculine because I had short hair (and i still cant belive that people still see that as a shock, its just hair why is short hair just for men?) and at first I tried to be strong and kept believing that I should just be myself but after a while I gave in and started being more femenine. The exact day was when my friends boyfriend called me "la hombre" which translates to "she man" basically calling me a man for my features/appearance. The next day I used makeup, flowers in my hair and til that day on i felt uncomfortable with myself. I didn't dress very masculine, just not very femenine but now I had the pressure to be femenine because I was a girl.

Girls also pressured me to be more girly, it frusterated me so god damn much because they just couldnt accept me for who I was and tried to do a makeover and wear dresses THEY wanted me to use and once my friend put a lot of makeup on me and made me use my most girly clothing to school and asked boys if they thought i was cute and one boy said "she's pretty but she acts masculine" and she used that as proof that I need to change. How stupid!

Change for what? to attract men? men who have certain taste in women? Then they aren't for me!

 

This goes the same way for men who act femenine are called faggots or are assumed to be gay, the same way people constantly ask me if I'm a lesbian. Gender has nothing to do with sexuality. Infact I dont even think gender even exists now, because theres so much variety in people. Some girls are very femenine and theres nothing wrong with that, others are like me and I now realize ive been pretending to be something I'm not to be accepted and I hope to change this.

 

 

 

 

I'm glad you have the strength to behave this way. There isn't anything inherently wrong with wearing makeup (I'm not trying to say you were saying this btw) and it can be an important vessel for expression and can be a confidence thing for reasons beyond attracting other people (plus other things), but it's certainly not something that everybody should be doing. Certainly not everybody doing it for the same reason - that it is expected of them for sexual reasons. When it becomes expected is when it becomes a problem. It's the motives behind doing it that tend to dictate whether you are doing the right things.

 

I'm glad you saw that you were doing it for the wrong reasons and it made me happy to read your post. Your final point was great and I wish more people understood this.

 

Exactly, the problem isnt makeup but that its now expected that every woman must or they dont look like actual women or treated like they dont deserve to be a woman. Then its like the only purpose we have is to be pretty. I think this happens a lot in tv I know growing up I never looked up to female characters because they were pretty lame at only being the love interest or the token chick.

It just annoys me and has always been a problem that things are either blue or pink.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I could talk about this for ages because omg ok

 

 

 

Kat you're beautiful :heart: I love you so much, seriously i went through exactly this :hug:

After reading this I'm actually considering to stop wearing makeup. Because now that I remember I started using makeup because I was bullied heavily by some boys that called me ugly and masculine because I had short hair (and i still cant belive that people still see that as a shock, its just hair why is short hair just for men?) and at first I tried to be strong and kept believing that I should just be myself but after a while I gave in and started being more femenine. The exact day was when my friends boyfriend called me "la hombre" which translates to "she man" basically calling me a man for my features/appearance. The next day I used makeup, flowers in my hair and til that day on i felt uncomfortable with myself. I didn't dress very masculine, just not very femenine but now I had the pressure to be femenine because I was a girl.

Girls also pressured me to be more girly, it frusterated me so god damn much because they just couldnt accept me for who I was and tried to do a makeover and wear dresses THEY wanted me to use and once my friend put a lot of makeup on me and made me use my most girly clothing to school and asked boys if they thought i was cute and one boy said "she's pretty but she acts masculine" and she used that as proof that I need to change. How stupid!

Change for what? to attract men? men who have certain taste in women? Then they aren't for me!

 

This goes the same way for men who act femenine are called faggots or are assumed to be gay, the same way people constantly ask me if I'm a lesbian. Gender has nothing to do with sexuality. Infact I dont even think gender even exists now, because theres so much variety in people. Some girls are very femenine and theres nothing wrong with that, others are like me and I now realize ive been pretending to be something I'm not to be accepted and I hope to change this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exactly, the problem isnt makeup but that its now expected that every woman must or they dont look like actual women or treated like they dont deserve to be a woman. Then its like the only purpose we have is to be pretty. I think this happens a lot in tv I know growing up I never looked up to female characters because they were pretty lame at only being the love interest or the token chick.

It just annoys me and has always been a problem that things are either blue or pink.

this, this and tripple this!!

 

I experienced almost the exact same thing being told that I look too masculine and act masculine at times. I didn't (and still don't) wear make-up and wear shirts/jeans/shoes that also men wear. God people are so superficial! I got asked three times already if I'm lesbian just because of that. It's fucking annoying. And all the time I see women walking around wearing tons of make-up and ask myself: "Do men really want me to look like that? To hide under a thick smelly layer of make-up that will start to smear once I try to scratch my nose?"

 

:(

Link to post
Share on other sites
I could talk about this for ages because omg ok

 

 

 

Kat you're beautiful :heart: I love you so much, seriously i went through exactly this :hug:

After reading this I'm actually considering to stop wearing makeup. Because now that I remember I started using makeup because I was bullied heavily by some boys that called me ugly and masculine because I had short hair (and i still cant belive that people still see that as a shock, its just hair why is short hair just for men?) and at first I tried to be strong and kept believing that I should just be myself but after a while I gave in and started being more femenine. The exact day was when my friends boyfriend called me "la hombre" which translates to "she man" basically calling me a man for my features/appearance. The next day I used makeup, flowers in my hair and til that day on i felt uncomfortable with myself. I didn't dress very masculine, just not very femenine but now I had the pressure to be femenine because I was a girl.

Girls also pressured me to be more girly, it frusterated me so god damn much because they just couldnt accept me for who I was and tried to do a makeover and wear dresses THEY wanted me to use and once my friend put a lot of makeup on me and made me use my most girly clothing to school and asked boys if they thought i was cute and one boy said "she's pretty but she acts masculine" and she used that as proof that I need to change. How stupid!

Change for what? to attract men? men who have certain taste in women? Then they aren't for me!

 

This goes the same way for men who act femenine are called faggots or are assumed to be gay, the same way people constantly ask me if I'm a lesbian. Gender has nothing to do with sexuality. Infact I dont even think gender even exists now, because theres so much variety in people. Some girls are very femenine and theres nothing wrong with that, others are like me and I now realize ive been pretending to be something I'm not to be accepted and I hope to change this.

 

 

 

 

 

Exactly, the problem isnt makeup but that its now expected that every woman must or they dont look like actual women or treated like they dont deserve to be a woman. Then its like the only purpose we have is to be pretty. I think this happens a lot in tv I know growing up I never looked up to female characters because they were pretty lame at only being the love interest or the token chick.

It just annoys me and has always been a problem that things are either blue or pink.

Yeah, I used to work in a factory and was constantly called gay because I ate fruit and at dinner time I would read a book. I found it funny at times (though didn't encourage them by laughing) but eventually it just depressed me that people would actually think that way. There is a long way to go, even in the supposedly advanced societies, when it comes to women's and gay rights. Too much misinformation is spread.

 

I debated with myself on whether to bring the gender discussion into this thread more when I made the thread (and I think I apologised for this at some point) but I didn't want to make it too wide reaching too early on and stop people posting about the expected appearances of women and immediately start with a gender debate, but now we have had a page of discussion on the topic, I think there's enough room to talk about what has already been said and also gender boundaries. It's such a wide ranging topic.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend asked me today if I ever wished I had a penis, in a sort of jokey way. I said maybe, just for a few days.

 

So I could see what it was like...

 

...to not be judged or called names for going out with no-make up on.

...to not have to be so aware of my surroundings travelling at night.

...to not be told I was 'asking for it'.

...to be able to enjoy my sexuality in whichever way I liked, and not be shamed by others for doing so.

...for people not to grab for insults intended to shame me based on my gender and/or sexuality the first instant they wish to insult me - 'bitch', 'slut', 'whore', 'little miss petty' (a recent amusing one).

...to never have to hear 'you're going out wearing THAT?' again.

...to never have to worry that if I was sexually assaulted or raped, that people would say that I was lying, making it up, and/or that it was my fault anyway because of 'x' superficial reason.

...to not be called a 'gold digging whore' or 'in for it for the money' if I can't help pay for things my partner/date does because I am poor or do not make as much money as he does thanks to the pay gap.

...to not be subject to Madonna/whore complex. Covering up? What an unattractive prude, I bet she's still single because she can't get any dates! Showing a bit? What a slut, she must obviously think nothing of herself or her value!

...to not be judged based on how much I eat. Feeling hungry? Ohhh, better watch it, a few extra kilos could make you chubby. Not hungry at all? You must eat more, you will become anorexic and nobody likes that!

 

The following are a few BIG ones I see in the local video gaming community I help run. So I could see what it was like...

 

...to not be underestimated or excluded on the basis of my gender.

...to not be treated as a piece of meat for the other sex's enjoyment.

...for people to not believe that they could 'buy' my affections.

...to never be expected to consent to sex just because the other person was so nice to me.

...to genuinely feel like I am being warmly welcomed into this circle because I would make a good friend and whatnot, instead of because some of the men want to get into my pants.

 

Or maybe even a world without these issues, so I could know what it was like for my female friends to never feel ashamed, harassed, excluded, judged, discriminated against, dismissed, because of how they choose to act, dress, speak, think, as a female.

 

Or even for emotion and instinct to be valued as much as logic.

 

(not saying men have no issues, or that some of these don't apply somewhat to them - I am speaking on a female focus here for this post)

Link to post
Share on other sites

The very existence of 'gold diggers' should be a signal that there is inequality in society. Why are people behaving in this way? Why is it (supposedly) predominantly one sex which is involved in this far more than the other?

 

Either a) women tend to have less money because of pay inequalities

 

or b) women are the only ones who are being called out on it, which is ridiculous and unfair.

 

 

 

But of course, gold digging is far less prevalent than people believe, or want others to believe. And it's an easy insult to throw out there to bring somebody down a notch or two or make up excuses for their own inadequacies.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree so much about they're being such a small spectrum for girls to try to fit into. It works both ways. Girls get judged for, e.g. wearing no make up and for wearing too much make up.

 

Did you ever see that horrendous program "Snog, Marry, Avoid" on bbc3? They just judge the fuck out of girls (and sometimes guys) who are "fake" or wear too much make up/nails/hair/tans..etc. They even have people on their with a unique style of clothes on the show. They get a guy's opinion of them. And then they transform they to look like ... well the "natural" pretty girls and then re-ask the public.

 

It feeds so heavily on this fact that girls should look a certain way, almost relating stupidity to too much make up. It's ridiculous. Let them dress the way they want to, it's their own body and their own choice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I agree so much about they're being such a small spectrum for girls to try to fit into. It works both ways. Girls get judged for, e.g. wearing no make up and for wearing too much make up.

 

Did you ever see that horrendous program "Snog, Marry, Avoid" on bbc3? They just judge the fuck out of girls (and sometimes guys) who are "fake" or wear too much make up/nails/hair/tans..etc. They even have people on their with a unique style of clothes on the show. They get a guy's opinion of them. And then they transform they to look like ... well the "natural" pretty girls and then re-ask the public.

 

It feeds so heavily on this fact that girls should look a certain way, almost relating stupidity to too much make up. It's ridiculous. Let them dress the way they want to, it's their own body and their own choice.

 

Indeed. Programs like that and How To Look Good Naked could actually be useful programs if they didn't just resort to saying, well the only way to see if this has worked or not is to get a group of men to decide on what they would want to do to you now you look like this. Or if you can take your clothes off in public for a group of people and if they cheer then what are so worried about? The psychology behind overcoming the original problems the people who went on the program had is far more complex than is made out. It's a quick fix that doesn't work. Confidence in yourself is very important but it's looked through completely the wrong spectrum in those programs.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Something I hope will change in the near future is the way that feminism is reported in the media, and the negative stigmas behind it. This thread is all about the problems girls and women face. Nobody has yet to say that these issues aren't genuine. Feminism is all about eradicating these kind of things. It is about equality. But people spin it into man hating far too easily. People feel ashamed to be labelled a feminist because they are worried it will make them look like a man hater. There is a tiny minority of people who do take things too far but that's the case for absolutely everything. But they often get a platform because they shout the loudest and it makes a good story. This tarnishes feminisms reputation.

 

But as I said, it's the same in other areas. You get people who have genuine concerns about the negative effects of religion who get lumped in as racists because there are people like the English Defence League who have platforms and are racist and spin things a certain way.

 

It's important to remember that at the heart of it, feminism is about equality. There are side issues which get dragged into the mainstream (because so much is discussed and there's plenty to be discussed) and not everybody agrees on everything (because that's life) but the actual core of what it is trying to tackle is the things that are listed in this thread. I think that unless a person is sexist, they would see that if we could eradicate the things in this thread then the world would be a better place for men and women. I think people would be far less hesitant as identifying as a feminist. But unfortunately it's not the case at the moment.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...