[Satire!] Coldplay’s Chris Martin Quits Band to Rule the World
London, England – Lead singer for the English rock band Coldplay stunned the music industry Wednesday when he announced that the band was breaking up in 2009.
There have been rumors swirling about why the band decided to split. Those rumors were answered when it was discovered that Chris Martin’s life is going to mirror the song “Viva La Vida”, which was Coldplay’s enormous hit this year. Martin dressed in regal attire explained to the reporters gathered outside his London flat that the song “Viva La Vida” was in fact his future kingly intentions. That as of 2009 the band was breaking up so he could finally rule his own country.
He also told the reporters to refer to him and his actress wife, Gwyneth Paltrow as “your Royal Majesty”, and their daughter Apple as “your Royal Highness”.
Reports say that Chris Martin was finally fed up with the British government. Martin is now looking for his own country to implement his own governmental policies, preferably one he can rule. In 2005 Chris Martin snubbed Prime Minister Tony Blair because of the Iraq War and Blair’s governmental policies. Many of those same policies Prime Minister Brown has continued.
Martin told befuddled reporters that he would prefer to rule a large rich country like a Saudi Arabia, instead of small principality like Monaco. He said countries like tiny Lichtenstein would not do unless that country was the Vatican City than that would be sufficient. Martin also added that the Vatican City would suit him just fine as long was he was crowned pope and referred to as “his Holiness”. He stated he would not mind wearing the papal hat because it would hide his receding hairline.
Martin said he would be a generous and benevolent king and all his subjects would get free copies of the bands latest CD.
Why’s this satire? It’s from The Spoof!