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    Getting In The World Cup Spirit: Coldplay Immitate A 3m Stick Of Asparagus

    petercrouch1.jpgWatching the World Cup on television in Germany is, despite the pictures being the same, subtly different from watching back home. No Gabriel Clarke for a start.


    The tournament, albeit in its infancy, is already bearing comparison to that held in 1950, but it is too early to discern whether this will have lasting significance. Not too early, however, to thank the thousands upon thousands of you who have, a colleague informs me, 'downloaded' my World Cup ditty 'England England Uber Alles'. It is still available at geoffreymortlake.co.uk for the next few days before matters take on an altogether more commercial footing.


    Needless to say, others are jumping on my bandwagon including someone called Coldplay, who have launched a song based on Peter Crouch's dance. This strikes me as misguided because the man, described by Holtkamp as 'a three-metre stick of asparagus', revealed to me while we were queuing at a hotdog kiosk on his day off that his dancing days are over: 'I have no wish to be a national joke, Geoffrey.' 'That goes for the both of us, Crouchy.'


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