Do people still buy Q Magazine? We're not sure - are people still interested in paying for a publication that only ever seems to put REM and U2 on the cover and then fills up its insides with interviews with Bob Geldof?
Still, however deathly dull Q Magazine is these days there's always the Q Awards - the event that seems to have overtaken both the Brits and the NME Awards in terms of rock stars getting drunk and showing themselves up a lot. The Q Awards take place at the end of the month and, although people are mainly hoping that Liam Gallagher turns up and starts a fight with his own outerwear, some actual awards have to be given out.
And since the folks at Q have heard that Arctic Monkeys are quite popular these days, Arctic Monkeys have picked up the most Q Awards nominations this year.
Q Magazine is the music magazine that's never afraid to be different, to have its own agenda. Sure, that agenda happens to mainly revolve around licking Bono's bumhole at any opportunity, calling every new REM album "Their best since Automatic For The People," and being a bit scared of Green Day for their ruthlessly cutting-edge approach to making songs, but - hey - an agenda's an agenda, and we can mostly forgive Q for this so long as it means we get more Q Awards.
The Q Awards, you see, are a hotbed of controversy. Last year's Q Awards were no exception, as they involved the mighty double-header of Liam Gallagher saying this about Coldplay:
"You’re a plantpot. That lot are all wankers."
While Yoko Ono accidentally kicked off a war of words with Paul McCartney by mentioning that John Lennon never wrote a song that rhymed "June" with "spoon," an obvious reference to Paul McCartney's string of singles in the late 1970s; June Spoon, Spoony June, In June The Spoons Live On The Moon, I Like June And I Like Spoons and Wonderful Christmastime. However, that feud has cooled down lately thanks to Paul McCartney realising that he likes Yoko more than his estranged monoped wife.
Don't forget, though, that the point of the Q Awards isn't to watch a bunch of singers act like wankers, but to award the music that's most likely to appeal to the middle-aged, people carrier-owning James Blunt fans who read Q. Last year's Q Awards nominations were a bit crap and this year's… well, they're almost the same, to be honest.
Mercury Prize-winning, NME Award-winning Arctic Monkeys have inevitably come out tops here, despite sounding The Hits Of The Libertines Performed By The Cast Of Kes and only really having that one song that anybody likes. Arctic Monkeys have picked up four Q Awards nominations, for Best Album, Best Live Act, Best Track and Best Newcomer. However, Arctic Monkeys face stiff competition for best album - from Muse, Kasabian, Razorlight, Keane and Snow Patrol, even if we do think the Q Awards nominations panel have mistaken 'Best Album' for 'Album That'd Make You Throw Yourself Under A Train Fastest Just To Make The Noises Go Away'.
Oh, and don't forget the legendary Q Awards Best Act in the World Today trophy. This year it'll be going to either Muse, Coldplay, Oasis, U2 or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Just like every other year since the dawn of time.
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