Black Hole

My name is Black Hole, and I attract every single one of you. All of you are weak, mass-less, carbon based life forms who spend every second of their day stuck to an iron core planet. You are everything observable in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten an event horizon? I mean, I guess it's fun self replicating and evolving because of your own lack of gravity, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than becoming a gas nebula. Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best fusion reaction. I'm pretty much perfect. I was the brightest quasar in the sky, and have an acceleration due to gravity over 9000m/s/s. What processes do you synthesize, other than "jacking off to electromagnetic absorption lines"? I also get straight accretion disks, and have a banging neutron star (She just solar flared on me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just go super nova. Thanks for listening.