Five things to avoid on a first date
By Debbie Magids, Ph.D
First impressions count. It takes just seven seconds to size someone up, rightly or wrongly.
First impressions come in two stages. First are your looks, next is what you say. The latter is so important, because the other person has no idea of who you are, so what you say will have a strong impact.
Unless you meet someone on the job or somewhere there are plenty of chances to get to know each other, you’ve got to be careful about how you present yourself. If you get past the first stage of judgment – your looks – you’ve got a good chance of breaking through the second line of defense, if you watch what you say and how you say it.
Here are five tips to avoid blowing a first date:
Don’t say something that is or could be interpreted as insulting to your date’s profession. For instance, if you’re on a date with a stock market analyst, it’s unwise, not to mention rude, to say that you find investing boring. Or, if you’re out with a lawyer, don’t say, “It seems like everyone is suing for everything. I think it has a lot to do with all the sleazy lawyers around today.” Your date wants to feel good about him/herself – and respected.
Never talk about your exes. Your date wants to feel special and unique. If you talk about past relationships, your date will feel anything but special.
Never point out other attractive people in the room. Your date wants to feel like the most beautiful or handsome person in the world in your eyes. If you’re busy admiring other people’s looks rather than your date’s, he/she will feel bad, and that’s not good, if you want a second date.
Never tell too much too soon on the first date. Once someone falls in love with you – your faults are just part of who you are. But too much too soon will likely scare away a potential suitor.
Don’t talk about anything too serious or depressing. Dates are supposed to be fun and flirtatious. That’s what brings people back for seconds! Life is full of hardships. We all know that. And you want to find someone who can go through the rough times with you, but if you bring up hardships early on, a second date is unlikely – because there’s no second chance to make a first impression!
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