Scots boffins claimed today to have built a matrix for a worm colony. Echoing the plot of the hit movie The Matrix, each worm is constantly sedated and receives electrical stimuli to the brain, which makes it think it is burrowing or feeding or "doing normal worm stuff".

 

"We located the parts of the worm brain which deal with pleasure and recreation," said team leader Jackie Porter. "By manipulating their neural networks, each worm thinks it is free and burrowing around in the soil". Unlike the evil overlords in the Keanu Reeves film, Porter and his team have no plans to use the worm colony as an energy source.

 

Said Porter, "We don't believe the worms are actively looking for a special worm who is "the One", but I guess you never know. We've painted a few of them black and put tiny sunglasses on them, but really that's just for a laugh."

 

The science team, based at Glasgow University, receive central funding of £1M a year and are said to be at the cutting edge of "blue sky" research in neural networks and genetic codeware. Church leaders and animal rights groups have united to condemn the experiments. Cardinal Keith O' Brien described the worm matrix as an offence to morality, while Del Tavender of Animal Aware called on the government to stop funding such work, citing fears for future applications of the technology. He told wreckered, "The world is under threat from maverick science. Today the worm - tomorrow the unemployed."

 

Porter dismissed the criticisms. "We have no plans for world domination. And there is nothing in the Bible about building a matrix-style alternative reality for worms. Even if there was, it'd be a bit rich for the religious to get huffy, given that they're forever banging on about how things will be better when we are dead." Colleague Sandy Jones agreed. "My sister used to go out with a philosopher - so don't even start me on all that."

 

Porter is no stranger to controversy, having last year produced a GM monkey that could weave webs like a spider. The horror monkey died in Porter's laboratory after escaping from its cage and attacking an octopus which knew judo.

 

 

Can i get a direct link to the article?

What kind of page is that_?? seems so sensationalist (I don't know if that's the correct word)

thats all there is

 

its taking the piss :P

stupid

OMG :lol: its supposed to be comedy! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Porter is no stranger to controversy, having last year produced a GM monkey that could weave webs like a spider. The horror monkey died in Porter's laboratory after escaping from its cage and attacking an octopus which knew judo.

LINK TO ARTICLE NOW kthx!

:lol: i lost the link...but thats all there is :lol: there is nothing more :P

I wanted to post it as news on this other website and needed link. If you find it or anything, pm me with it or something if you want.

What kind of page is that_?? seems so sensationalist (I don't know if that's the correct word)

 

I knew it was a completely fake!