I try to make it as short as I can:

I'm currently working at a company which operates some workshops where disabled people can do quite simple work to finally get (re)integrated in the usual economy of my region. I have my own group of disabled people which I lead together with two salaried employees - I'm doing this for about 6 months now and today I experienced a (sadly) pretty common occurrence when handling with handicapped people - the death.

 

A guy of my group (age about 35) died of cancer after just two weeks of hospital (we discovered his illness waaay too late) and it made me pretty sad and reflective after I got to know it today. It's not just because I lost a good mate (like all of those are in my group), it's pretty much more because I'm sad about myself: Why haven't I been able to see the syndroms of his illness earlier? Why have I mistaken this syndroms as a behaviour to annoy me? Why didn't I save that live? :blank:

 

To be honest I'm thinking more about my failure than about the person. :\ But today's incident gave me the point of view of "Death on business" being a way different feeling as the "private death" - but I'm lacking of a comparison, because no really close relative or friend of mine died while I was alive for now.

 

So how do you think about that? Have you also experienced the death on business? If you want to, tell me your story and your thoughts about that feeling, that's a very weird feeling in my opinion.

Is that your compulsory Zivildienst in Germany? We learnt about that a few years ago and it is a very good thing to do! My parents worked with disabled and handicapped children for years and years and sadly they had to deal with the odd person dying occasionally. But seriously pal, don't blame yourself! I can understand your frustration and sadness and I hope you fight through it!