1) Goldman Sachs = The Rolling Stones
Because it is number 1 and deservingly arrogant.
2) Citigroup = Ozzy Osbourne
because it is growing old disgracefully, just like the prince of darkness, Ozzy.
3) Deutsche Bank = Fleetwood Mac
Immensely profitable? Check. Years of infighting and not communicating with one another? Check. Badly in need of a style makeover? Check. It's Fleetwood Mac.
4) JPMorgan = Radiohead
Too clever and needing another big hit to remain relevant.
5) Barclays Capital = Oasis
Insolent and failing to break into the US Market, just like Oasis.
6) Morgan Stanley = Coldplay
Deadly earnest. Blue-blooded. Well-heeled. Regularly at the top of the charts.
7) Merrill Lynch = Madonna
Peaked in the 1980s and have been irrelevant since the 1990s, notwithstanding umpteen attempts at reinvention.
8) HSBC = any boyband
The true performers earn peanuts, while the management reaps the financial rewards.
9) UBS = Phil Collins
Both rich, both based in Switzerland, and no one with any sense gives a hoot about either.
10) Commerzbank = David Hasselhoff
Big in Germany, and no one understands why.
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