What Were They Thinking When They Chose The Cover?

First is the bass player in a sweater vest. For those of you who haven't received your latest issue of Cargo, argyle is the new black.

Then there is the drummer in his prep school uniform. The irony should scream at you, that is if Angus Young hadn't popularized the boarding school look 30 years ago. The guitarist is in midflight rock ecstasy, but the trampoline is nowhere to be seen. And finally the girl at the mike is looking bored, probably contemplating how fame became so pedestrian.

Such is Morningwood's debut album cover, a manufactured collection of rock and style archetypes that matches the music therein. It's an awful album cover, but it's not the worst. No, you could spend mere minutes scrounging around your local record store and come out with a dozen more offensive. And you needn't look in the used or obscure section.

Here is a collection of some of the worst album covers of the last 10 years. All are from fairly big-name artists whose record companies have loads of money to spend on photo shoots or artwork. It is by no means complete. The only criterion is that all of these can be published in a family newspaper.

Coldplay, "X&Y" (2005) -- Chris Martin overheard at the "X&Y" release party: "A Commodore 64?!? No way a 64 could do this. We had to pull out a 128 to get these blips and bloops."Bjork, "Drawing Restraint 9 (2005) -- A clown with long, filthy hair dressed in a surgeon's garb carrying a gigantic cable wire. There you have it. We report, you decide.

Billy Joel, "My Lives" (2005) -- Unfortunately all the Rorschach ink blots that look like Billy were unavailable at press time, so production came up with this handsome charcoal drawing!

Bon Jovi, "Have a Nice Day" (2005) -- Both lack any value, either nutritional or artistic. Both are syrupy. And both frequently say nonsensical things like: "Oh Yeeeeaaaah!" Bon Jovi and the Kool Aid Man, perfect together.

Madonna, "American Life" (2003) -- Note to la chica material: Che Guevara jumped the shark around 1994.

The Mars Volta, "De-Loused in the Comatorium" (2003) -- There is nothing that can be written to explain this.

Moby, "18" (2002) -- "Greetings! My name is Moby. I was banished to your planet because I was an annoying twit back on Earth."

Michael Jackson, "Invincible" (2001) -- Close enough to realize he asked his surgeons for that hot "elvish look." Muted enough to hide the scars.

Sinead O'Connor, "Sean-Nos Nua" (2000) -- 4 p.m.: afternoon tea.

4:45 p.m.: Our heroine bemoans the lack of rest stops on Ireland's highways.

Bjork, "Homogenic" (1997) -- aka "Memoirs of a Narcissist."

Ramones, "Adios Amigos!" (1996) -- Some might say choosing two pink dinosaurs in sombreros to mark your swan song is as punk as it gets. Others would say it's stupid. Others win.

Source: bergen.com