Celebrity Haiku Competition: Coldplay

Bit of an odd one this. Hecklerspray.com have an unusual Coldplay competition on the go. Here are the details...

Howdy, folks. It's that time of the week again - those gleaming few minutes when you can forget about the suicide-provoking pointlessness of your mundane little lives and take part in the hecklerspray Celebrity Haiku Competition.

That's right: each and every week we offer you the chance to win big. The prize in question? A delicious mouthwatering tube of Fruit Pastilles! Come on, kids. Get those fingers crossed and keep the dream alive.

All you have to do to win is a scribble out a haiku (that's an ancient form of Japanese Poetry) about a celebrity of our choice. This week's poetry-inspiring superstar is none other than Coldplay frontman Chris Martin.

Coldplay's Chris Martin has revealed that he would have liked a 'sex advisor' to help him through those awkward first lady-fumbles.

Think you can write a poem about that? Course you bloody well can. Just remember the golden rule of haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.

Suppose you want us to provide an 'example', do you? Oh, alright ...

Father of Apple

Was Good At Writing Ballads

But Not At Shagging

Now, we know for a fact that you can do better than that. And we want you to prove it, goddammit.

If you fancy having a go for the fruit pastilles, click here