I'm pasting this from my journal because it just about describes how I feel right now... kinda crazy and slighty MAD (as in annoyed)
http://www.deadjournal/users/sammeth
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | Snow Patrol - Run ]
Okay so not MUCH has actually been happening..I'm just soooo utterly bored out of my mind and I thought that maybe writing on here might help...I somehow doubt it...
Hmmm..well valentines day was good, I spent it with Mikey (he's my boyfriend by the way, I don't think I've mentioned him on here yet)he cooked for me..candles and all...very romantic.. :)
Ummm then the following week I stayed at his house, he works so I was on my own alot of the time..but he came home on lunch breaks to see me. and we went out in the evenings to the cinema and dinner and stuff... umm...
I still have no job yet, the parents are clamping down...and its frustrating..I'm trying..in my own way...yes I look for jobs but I want the right one..and I know I don't really have the right to get all picky or whatever but I jsut don;t want to end up in a stupid job..because then I'll feel that I have to stay there for money or because I am depended on..like at Woolies...I don't wanna sound up myself but they did need me...thats why they NEVER gave me time off...half the staff on entertainment wernt trained enough and there were only two of us who knew how to do somethings like charts and refunds...if I had time off it was bad...im not saying they couldnt live without me..but it was much better when I was there to help out... Gah..I just don;t want to end up in that situation.
Anyway I applied for a job today at an estate agents as an office junior...it's not that far...well it's close to kingston..meh I'll just have to see..I applied online and I sent them my CV...they'll probably thing im some stupid school drop-out..thats what I feel like...ugh..it's not good...and the bad thing is...I used to label people like that..and sometimes I still do...whats with that? What right do I have? Argh..
And then theres this other thing...I can't say yes...or no...everyone knows its easier to say yes to something..and alot of the time I do just to make someone happy even if I know that I'm going to hate it...often I respond with maybe...which is supposed to indicate that I DONT want to...but more subtley (if thats a word) than saying no..
Agh it's frustrating..its like say yes and have a bad time, or say no and feel really bad because you've annoyed the other person..it's a no win situation...look after number 1 and fuck everyone else? NUH UH... look after number 1 but consider other people and still feel bad? UH NO!!! look after everyone else and forget yourself? NO BUT WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
I hate this...and now I'm being selfish...whats wrong with me?
Sad music doenst help either...I mean at least if my music was a little more up-beat....I dunno what I'm saying...that wouldnt help either...because it would just give me more energy to carry on typing utter crap.
And I'm hungry..it was lunch time ages ago..I should have eaten...I WANT POTATO SMILIES.
Okay I'll come back later...this venting business sorta works...
Sam xx