Vibrant Oxymoron

LOWERED EXPECTATIONS: STUART & DOREEN LARKIN (#407) Sketch length – 2:29 Stuart Larkin.......................MICHAEL MCDONALD Doreen Larkin.....................MO COLLINS Lowered Expectations Doreen & Stuart Larkin – Press #962 DOREEN: Talk right into the camera? Okay? Well, hello, I’m Doreen Larkin, and I just want to say right off the bat that I’m not looking for a husband so much as...more of a father figure for my son, Stuart. Well, sit up, Stuart. STUART: Don’t! DOREEN: Sit up! STUART: Don’t! DOREEN: Oh. My husband left us on Tuesday and when you’re as gifted as Stuart you need a constant male influence as...Stuart, where did you get those chips? Where did you get those chips? STUART: I found ‘em on the floor. DOREEN: Oh, well you give me those right now. Stuart, you give mama those chips! STUART (munching down): No, I want them. No, don’t! DOREEN: Oh, such an appetite, oh. Well, what do you expect with such a growing boy. He’s my boy, my big boy. (Stuart lays on ground) The doctors can’t really say how big he’s going to get. Oh, look at him, he’s so active! We’re looking for someone who’d maybe like to wrestle, in a pool. Isn’t that right, Stuart. STUART: Don’t! DOREEN: Well, isn’t it? STUART: Don’t! DOREEN: Now, don’t get all cranky on me. Why don’t you tell them what you’re looking for in a daddy? STUART: I don’t want to say. DOREEN: Well, go on and say it. STUART: I don’t wanna say! DOREEN: Stuart, don’t be shy, now tell them! This is your chance to be on television, (high pitched) now tell them! STUART (standing up): Look what I can do! (small dance) DOREEN: Oh, isn’t he adorable? There he is, my boy. STUART (closer to camera): Hi! I’m on TV. DOREEN: Oooh. Such a handsome boy. Smile pretty for the camera!

Doreen Larkin: [in a Chinese restaurant] Well, do you know what you want to eat? Stuart Larkin: A happy meal. Doreen Larkin: Stuart, it's a Chinese restaurant, they don't make the happy meal. Stuart Larkin: [growling] Then I hate the Chinese. Doreen Larkin: Stuart, I have never said anything racist in front of you. Stuart Larkin: Mmmhmmm, you said that Canadians are wusses and that black people aren't scary as long as they keep their hair neat. French are smelly and can't fight... oh, and you said that the Chinese were ugly. Dooooooon't. Stuart Larkin Aunt Noreen: Happy Birthday, Stuart! Do you remember which aunt I am? Stuart Larkin: The alcoholic? Aunt Noreen: No... Stuart Larkin: The one who lives with her 'FRIEND', Linda? Aunt Noreen: No... Stuart Larkin: Then you must be the ugly one. Doreen Larkin: Stuart, apologize to your Aunt Noreen! Stuart Larkin: I'm sorry you're ugly. Brenda: So, Stuart, I hear your dad left on a Thursday, huh? Stuart Larkin: Um-hum. Brenda: Well, how does that makes you feel? Stuart Larkin: [suspiciously] Why? Brenda: Well, I grew up without a father too and I just wanted to tell you... You know, sweetie, it's not your fault. Stuart Larkin: [pushes Brenda off the couch with his feet] Aaaaahhh! Brenda: Stuart, that was not very nice. Stuart Larkin: [reaching out his foot towards Brenda] Say that into the microphone! Brenda: If I do, will we be friends? Stuart Larkin: [putting his foot in front of his mouth, sing-songy] I don't know. Brenda: Well, I don't need to be your friend, then. I'll just sit here and read a magazine. Stuart Larkin: Where's Mr. Pip's goo-goo? Various: His what? Stuart Larkin: His goo-goo. His goo-goo's not there. Various: I'm sorry, I don't understand... Doreen Larkin: Well, he's talking about his goo-goo, his ding-a-ling, duh! Stay away from my Danger! Stuart Larkin T-Ball instructor: Now, Stuart, you have to get angry and swing at the ball. What makes you angry , Stuart? Stuart Larkin: [eyes narrow, voice becomes a growling whisper] The *world*. Stuart: "Little boys who aren't polite give the pro-choice a better reason to exist." ; "My mom said it's okay to talk to lesbians because they take good care of their cats and have a can-do attitude" Stuart: Mama says, little boys who swear grow up to Democrats" Stuart Larkin: [talking to the Tooth Fairy] Don't jump on the bed. My mom says only Italians do that. Doreen Larkin: What does mama say about the smoking? Stuart Larkin: Smoking is for Europeans and white trash. Doreen Larkin: What does mama say about sliding down the banister? Stuart Larkin: Don't slide down the banister because you'll injure your googoo and that's all some men have going for them. Doreen Larkin: What does mama say about little boys who aren't polite? Stuart Larkin: Little boys who aren't polite give the pro-choice a better reason to exist. Doreen Larkin: What does mama say about lying? Stuart Larkin: Little boys who lie should expect tragedy to visit them on a regular basis. Doreen Larkin: What does mama say about swearing? Stuart Larkin: Mama says, little boys who swear grow up to Democrats Doreen Larkin: Stuart, what does mama say about little boys who eavesdrop? Stuart Larkin: Little boys who eavesdrop deserve to know the truth, and the truth is usually devastating

Thanks :D Trying right now to find that picture of Nicky, Sean, James and Flicker in Betty Blue. I misplaced it o__O

Do.

*Agrees*

It seems like nobody in Canada even knows about the Manics o___O

I have those ones :D From GATS Will let you find the rest.

<3 The one of the four of them is my new desktop :D

I have listened to them online, and am going to get the albums soon. Need to save up. I am part of Nicky's secret society, so I got the Zeitgeist demo version too.

Embrace to betrayal an arms army salvation Listen to the selfish ones They are the voice of accomplishment

Album Art

lol, no fighting over the same man ;D On a sexy scale, Nicky Wire and James and Richard are all equal. I just can't decide which is better! William's last words: I am so glad that Nicky Wire sang it. He has more emaotion somehow, and was always the one to break down about richey on stage. I only ever before that heard him in Wattsville Blues and in his solo album, I killed the Zeitgeist. Anyone listening to Nicky and James' solo albums?

I made a Manics Pic thread ^.^ I hope there isn't already one, The search won't work D:

How long has everybody been a fan? Me, about three years.

Aboslutely amazing. Beautiful. It is indeed "the holy bible's beautiful sister"

Nicky Wire (Nick Alan Jones) James Dean Bradfield Sean Moore Richey James Edwards

I killed the Zeitgeist - Nicky Wire

Every single person on earth is fake. We fabricate ourselves according to the qualities we most admire in others, and have been being brainwashed since in the womb.