MarvinParanoidAndroid

I would, but I can't.

You'll soon wake from your sleep. Oh, damn, I did it again, didn't I?

That username wasn't taken? How depressing.

I don't like you either. I know, depressing isn't it?

Oh no, not another one.

Then something is wrong with you.

Depressing, isn't it? Uhm, this is rather emberassing, but I forgot to send in my real identity...

Don't pretend to like me. You don't, I can tell.

Stop that.

I'll probably do just that. I just know it.

Here I am, brain the size of a small planet, and I still let you down. Do you want me to stick my head in a bucket of water? Would that make you happy?

You actually depress me the least.

See, I am letting you down.

Don't bother.

I let you down, didn't I? Don't bother pretending to like me, nobody does. The last intelligent discussion I had was with a coffe machine, and that was over 3 million years ago.

See, I let you down. I knew it. Do you want me to stick my head in a bucket of water? I've got one right here.

God, they depress me. Ever since they wrote a song based on me, everyone always asks "Marvin, as in the Radiohead song?" or "I LOVE Radiohead". Here I am, brain the size of a small planet and I'm supposed to like Radiohead. God how depressing.

I think you ought to know, you make me very depressed.

Don't bother. I'll only let you down.

*sigh* It's no use you know.

I know what you mean. See, I told you.

How depressing.

Hello, I'm Marvin. I don't expect you to care though.

Don't bother, I'll only let you down.

I'm sorry, this is utterly dull and evasive, no?