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Don't know if Jarrad or anybody is still looking at the thread but I kinda had a relapse in feeling crappy and wrote these Seeking a passion to save me Failing, falling none will listen to a plea Outright panic, felt excruciatingly Thin net below me Can't stop screaming Everything unknown at once Won't stop inside Heart beating heat Why me? There's no answer Can't see Green pit of the unintentional lie, Did I mention? I want to die. (I'm not actually suicidal it's just hyperbole) I want to cry. Tears from fears It's all too much. How do my peers avoid the fear? (And this is just kind of short essay-rant-confession) I've had one of the worst feelings I've had my entire life. I'm racked with worry. My body is feels like its on fire. My hearts racing even though I'm not moving. I'm wide awake and It's 6am. The future concept of student loans make me feel sick. My family has no money to spare. I've never had a job. I don't know if I can live with one I hate. I only have a vague idea of what I don't want to do with my life. I'm afraid to study abroad not because of personal reasons but financial. On year costs more than two living at home. I'm already in debt. I barely have any friends because I live at home. The career that I think I might be able to do is based on a work ethic of constantly trying it and practicing. I've practiced none. I don't know if I can do it. I have no idea of what to do. I'm afraid. I want to cry. I can't stop thinking about it. My mind won't rest. I feel tired but can't sleep. I feel angry, anxious, sad, and scared at the same time. No one can save me. Some people say student debt ruined their lives. I don't want it to ruin mine. Maybe my life is already ruined. I used to think I wouldn't regret anything, now I regret everything.I wonder if I will ever crawl our of this hole. If if I do I wonder if I'll just fall in again. I don't know if it's worth it. I don't know anything. He said I could do it. He's gone now. I wonder what he'd say. Let me sleep. I want to forget. I feel crippling doubt. I hear footsteps. I want to sleep forever. It would be better then this feeling. I want it to get better. I want to be better. I'm worried. It hurts. Money money money. I don't mean to make this some kind of sad venting thread these are just the latest things I've written and thought it would be nice to show somebody.

That was great! Actually reminded me of Charlie Chaplin's speech from The Great Dictator.

Thanks! Yeah things are better now. It was mostly about how I'm in college at the moment and I was an undecided major and everybody always said "you got time" and I always wondered if they really knew what they were talking about or where just trying to make me feel better. The lines just after the first are kind of that high after someone gives me advice like that, kind of like "Oh every things fine I guess!". Then kind of the different paths that are available to students. "Say a word and a rhyme" is kind of the artistic route with poetry, music, or writing. "Shoot a tequila with lime" is the party lifestyle. "Buckle down and tell myself everything's fine" is the studious route. The "Give up my values" line is about the business route and climbing the corporate ladder.

Here's a poem I wrote. "You got time" I could say a word and a rhyme, I could shoot a tequila with lime, I could buckle down and tell myself everything's fine, I could give up my values, bend a knee and climb. So many options ahead I see myself flying! But they were lying Everything is not fine I have no time. Sorry it's not very optimistic (just how I was feeling at the time).

How does he always have such great hair? It's amazing!

My name's Zach if that's who you were asking. :) And thanks for the replies and whoever read some of my post.

Okay here's what happened on August 11, 2012 at the St. Paul show. Scroll to the bottom if you just want a summary. In the week leading up to the concert I had a weird mix of feelings. Foremost was the fact that I had been waiting since December for this and it was finally here. Secondly was a kind of sadness because before it was so close it was like yeah the concert is going to be so amazing and I could just sit in ease of knowing that it's coming. Then when it was actually close it was like crap it's going suck when it's over because I won't know I'll be going to a Coldplay concert but that was a pretty distant second emotion. We made our shirts basically during the whole three days before the concert. I was up till about 5 am the day before finishing it. I found some paints that I thought would look good with the shirt and I put some paint on those along with a little on my shoes. The day of concert before we were all talking about it and everyone said not to get my hopes up about being upgraded and everything but I did anyways. My brothers and I left the house in Waconia on the way to the Xcel Energy Center, which is about a 45 minute drive. When we get there and are getting out of the car some girl drives past quickly and I see her face and she says something like "What are you wearing?", she must have not been going to the concert. We walk down a few hallways leading to the arena and at this point I'm getting super excited and walking in a trance. It felt so surreal that I was actually going to see Coldplay live. The chance of getting a upgrade was just a bonus. We finally get into line before the entrance gate at around 5:30-5:45. Gate Opens, pick-up Xylobands, now we're in the main entrance lobby of the arena. We get in line to buy some merchandise before the stuff we want runs out. At this point I'm keeping my out for roadie looking people in black, don't really see anyone standing out. I see plenty of Oxfam people asking people to take pictures and stuff. I thought someone would ask us because of our shirts and we also had some face paint of the MX logo's and I had paint on my arm like Chris but they didn't. After we get our merchandise we start walking around the arena. First the lower level's just have a look around, no roadie looking people here. Then we go to club level which is where our seats are and my brother just wants to see them. We take look, then as we're walking away some ladies working in the concession stand thing ask us about our shirts. They asked if we bought them but we said we made them and they thought they were better then the ones you could buy. They were amazed by how much the shirts downstairs cost and said that ours were made out of love which was really nice. Then we decide to go up to the top level. When we get up there it was kind of dark and there wasn't really many people. Round a few corners... I see someone, women dark hair dark jacket, she sees us, my heart skips a beat, she makes a I see you gesture towards us and starts walking our way, time slows down, my head clears, was this it, was it actually happening? I realize she's very pretty and she starts talking to us and I realize she has some kind of accent that sounds British to me. She compliments us on our shirts and asks us how long it took. Then she asks whose the biggest Coldplay fan. We unanimously agree it's me. She asks me what favorite song is, I ask a specific album or just all of them. She says X&Y, I think for a second while my hearts racing and I'm pretty sure it's A Message, or Fix You, or Swallowed in the Sea, or Til' Kingdom Come, White Shadows, crap! I can't decide. I say Fix You is a amazing song but not my personal favorite on the album, she jokes that "What it's too mainstream?" I laugh and finally say A Message. She's like alright cool and says "Well I work for the band and I'm looking for the biggest fans and I wonder if you want to make a deal, you give me your tickets and I'll give you front row to the right of the stage, that sound like a good deal?" A small emotional explosion goes off in my head. Wow. We all excitedly agree and we part ways. We all laughed, my brother called my our parents and his girlfriend and tells them the amazing news. I just keep walking in pure awe. I didn't think it had really hit me yet. It was definitely surreal. We take a look through the curtain to see where our new seats are. While still walking on the top floor another roadie stopped us and asked what our favorite songs were on Mylo Xyloto then we told him we were already upgraded and asked if it was a hot girl who upgraded us and we thought she was British but he said she was actually Dutch. While walking away he showed all the tickets he had to upgrade people. We thought it was really funny and awesome that we actually got asked if we wanted upgrades twice. Next we went down the floor through the elevator. I noticed people looing at us strangely as we walked to our seats probably because what we were wearing. I didn't really understand why though it would be unusual since it was a Coldplay concert, why go if your not a fan and if your a fan why would it be strange to show how much you love the band by making t-shirts. I also read other posts about how people were rude to people wearing stuff, this confuses me because those other people being rude are paying to see the show and yet they act rudely towards obvious fans of them, and I know Chris Martin would have something to say to those rude people "There should be color limitations in the world about what you can wear and what you can't wear" although that's not really what the song was about. The opening acts were great. Then when it was time to take the panorama shot everyone posed for it and then it looked like he was still taking some. I ended up a little disappointed with the panorama of our show because he must have taken a shot of us after the initial one of us poses and the one he used is one of everyone mostly standing around waiting and especially the one he used is one he took while I was taking pictures and it shows the side of my head. Then when 99 Problems started I knew I was in for one of the best nights of my life. During the show my throat was really dry because I didn't want to leave to get a drink and have to go to the bathroom so my singing along was probably pretty terrible. No words could ever describe what the show was to me, I know it was life-changing for sure. It amazed me throughout. The first time the arena lit up was so beautiful and more then what I could ever dreamed of actually being there. We even got on the big screen a few times I think. I got a screenshot of us from one of the youtube videos of the show. When the butterflies shot out of the cannons during In My Place and Lovers In Japan was pure bliss. Every Teardrop is a Waterfall is one of my favorite songs and the performance of it My favorite part was when I made eye contact with Chris, I'm pretty sure it was during Viva la Vida. Maybe he was making eye contact with the people behind me but I'm 99.9% sure he was looking at me and my brothers said it was towards me. No words could've described how I felt and feel now knowing that I made eye contact with one of my heroes, it means everything to me. I wish I had a picture or something of it. I have to admit after I was a little sad and it was kind of hard to come down from but I also immensely overjoyed and just happy that I fulfilled one of my dreams. It was very inspiring in many different ways. Can't wait till my next Coldplay show. Monday Morning seemed another life but I knew that Heaven was insight. Summary My brothers and I got upgraded to the front row to the right of the stage but a roadie and were stopped by another roadie who asked but we told him we were already got upgraded which was funny. We had one of the best nights of our lives and are grateful to the roadie that upgraded us. I made eye contact with Chris at one point during the concert which was like a dream come true. The show was like heaven on earth. Thanks for all the help with shirt ideas and showing me your pics I'm very grateful. Links to some pics and videos we took and pics of my shirt (sorry some of the pictures in the albums are unorganized and have doubles)------ Shirt: http://imgur.com/a/gc6ty Ticket Before: http://imgur.com/8rb1I Ticket After: http://imgur.com/bE34D Show: http://imgur.com/a/sbDYn http://imgur.com/a/A4FNw#mSzLn http://imgur.com/a/8gWq7 Us in the Panorama: http://imgur.com/9WXEL,2ow3G,9XJIt#2 Stuff After the Show: http://imgur.com/a/CnV0U Videos: -- Charlie Brown Sorry videos are probably bad compared to most but thought you might want to see what I saw. Finally sorry for the really long post, taking a week to make the post, and I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Working on a longer post, will be done soon.

Stayed up late, mostly finished. I have pants and sprayed my shoes a little too. http://imgur.com/a/ySNPp Can't wait!!

"Yes I feel a little bit nervous, Yes I feel nervous and I cannot relax," http://imgur.com/ztzjd Almost done with the back of my brothers shirt.

Anyone know when they take the panorama shot? And how much are the various things at the merch shop like the poster and shirts?

Yeah it's not like if I don't get one I won't love it, it's more like I want something to show how much I love the band and the possibility of a upgrade is a chance to physically show it. And that's sound awesome that you made a doll, would love to see it. And here's a experiment of the shirt's I'm working on. http://imgur.com/ZXOOq

Your shirts look awesome! My brother and I were looking at stuff today. We found the paint and everything and looked at shirts but we weren't sure how the paint would show up on the different colors. It looks great on that black so would it be the same with a neon green shirt or a blue one do you think? We also found some cool color bracelets that I think look good.

My two brothers and I are going to our first Coldplay gig at the August 11 St. Paul show. Our tickets aren't bad, somewhere to the side on club level but I've read about the seat upgrades for the excited fans who have energy. I know I'll be freaking out because I'm the biggest fan among my brothers and my hearts beating faster just thinking about it so hopefully they'll notice. I hope to be upgraded with my brothers by a roadie but not sure how best to do it. We talked about bright colored t-shirts and doing homemade stuff one them but haven't done anything yet but planning on doing it in the next few days. Would it be helpful to make a sign too? I don't have any like huge pieces of cardboard so I don't know what I would use or put on it.I also wanted to get some slim black cargo pants like Chris's to wear but can't find any where I live and the ones on the internet are really expensive. Anyone have cool ideas for making a t-shirt? And where is the best place to get the stuff to make the t-shirt? And if anyone who was upgraded and had a cool shirt can you post a pic to see different ways of making them? Another idea I had is to do like face paint colors or something but don't know where to get them. As for meeting them I think I have very slim chances. I have no idea what I would say if I was lucky enough to actually meet one of them. My older brother is driving and is basically in charge for what we do but I still want to get there early and hopefully get him to let us hang out there a little while after and walk around to see if we see them. What is the best thing to do or place to be to see them or meet them? Anyways sorry if this a big jumble of questions and ideas I'm just super excited and want it to be one of the best days of my life, Thanks.