Each week has lead through the same cycle. Some people are lucky to be alive and some life is lucky that people kept it. Some of your friends will find everything they need in front of them and some friends will never be able to have surety of hapiness. Some people are content with the world and some aren't. Some people are born in Africa and some people are born in the United States. Some people are beautiful and some people are ugly. Some people are talented and some people are just another ant of society. Sometimes life is good and sometimes you're left hopeless. Sometimes your friend is right there with you and sometimes your best friends are the four walls that you can lean on.

eric you say these things, but i am never exactly sure what the gist of the problem is :/ . i think you think i share too much of my feelings here and maybe i do, but i don't share them anywhere else with anybody else - i put on the happy face because i HAVE to. and i have found that pretense can often almost trick me into feeling better. i think both happiness and sadness are habits we have some control over. but what do i know? :confused:

No, I don't think you share too much of your feelings. Honestly. Of course, hapiness and sadness are habits but I don't want to be happy until I am done, until then I will be discontent so that maybe my discontent will be my motivation. And if I'm discontent enough then I can let it go and that always makes me feel better.

i guess that makes sense... it just seems like you are expecting to cross some kind of life checkpoint (until you are done with what?). and in this interim, when you are young, and don't have the responsiblity of a child, or house payment, or the other "american dream" things... it just seems that there are so many opportunities to chase that happiness.

The thing is, nobody is here. I don't see anyone caring about my aspirations. God is out there and he cares, but it's so hard to depend on someone I can't be with. God isn't here holding my hand. But there are people close to me that would tell me not to do what I want to do and it's hard to fight against someone I love. It's also hard to throw away years of work, especially when I don't know what I can do.

but the bottom line is - you have to be the one living in your skin. if you live for someone else's idea of what you should do - you are still going to be just as alone as if you took the chance and failed. it is not easy to break from the path you think you are supposed to be on, but sometimes it isn't just a whim, it is survival. you have to live your life and hope that in your finding your happiness and fulfillment, those who you love, will realize it was the right thing to do.

you're right. I just need some direction and some money :/ money is the answer to a lot of things

yeah - i hate money sometimes. i don't know exactly what your school situation is... but if you want to change direction, just get whatever jobs and work as much as you can and sock away money while you have the advantage of a lower overhead - then go do your thing. there are others just like you who want to pursue art, writing, music - and you could then find a roomie and be a starving artist - but i bet you would be happier than you are now.

hahaha, I just got a really funny picture of me going to an art school where my roommate looks at my poetry and just gives me a dumbfounded look. Like, "wow, this is crap. You really think you're going to be somebody..."

 

deeper thought, I guess that roommate is just my antagonizing spirit or whatever. Like, my other personality. I hate 90% of my stuff. It's discouraging because the people I aspire to be like love everything they do.

doing anything creative brings out the hypercritical part in all of us. most of the people in history who said "i am the greatest" weren't (except maybe ali) - anyway... it is that doubt that gives the work it's humanity and vunerability. and that is when people connect with art - when it touches a part of their soul. look at chris martin, there are so many interviews where he feels like he is crap, and he waffles around on what to do, and doesn't make sense half the time... but look at what that insecurity produces and how it makes us feel. it is like looking into another person's soul...

 

i have read your poetry thread and i think you are very gifted. you can communicate angst and the human condition of needing very effectively. not everyone can do that. it would be a damn shame not to try.

This is my favorite, maybe I can cheer up this thread a little bit.

 

that is just beautiful eric. how can you not see where you can go on your wave of creativity?

thank you, yes I know if I could put that into a song now :evil: I also made another one which is very similar. It doesn't rhyme, but I like it a lot...

 

ok - in your new life plan - you need to start searching the new york times or london times (or bangladesh - wherever you want to be) for someone who is a music composer looking for a roommate ... :idea2: then you write the lyrics. hey it worked for elton john and bernie taupin quite well all these years. ;)

I seriously thought about that. But I believe I have a pretty good voice. And I don't like anyone enough to sing my lyrics haha

i didn't say they had to sing (elton does the singing!!) - you just need a composer!!

work with me snuggles and .... i will try to fix you !! :)

i didn't say they had to sing (elton does the singing!!) - you just need a composer!!

oh, I would love to have a band behind me... Where could I go to work on this? I mean, it would almost have to be a beginner school because I've only just started writing poetry and I've never really made a full song.

work with me snuggles and .... i will try to fix you !! :)

sounds good. Do you play an instrument? :lol:

I just came up with an idea for a band name! SNUGGLES! :lol: :lol:

then you need to ditch whatever you are doing in college now - which my intuition tells me you would probably hate... and look into liberal arts colleges. or just save up some money and go spend a couple weeks in NYC in the artistic district (the village, soho...) and see how it is done.

hmmmmmmmm maybe I should ask for more hours...

now you are formulating a PLAN - isn't it kind of a nice feeling?? i know i don't really know you in person and all, but i would be so proud of you if you did that - i think it would change your whole way of looking at the world.

work with me snuggles and .... i will try to fix you !! :)

sounds good. Do you play an instrument? :lol:

I just came up with an idea for a band name! SNUGGLES! :lol: :lol:

 

snuggles and the cuddle men (sort of a hootie and the blowfish type thing) :lol: :lol:

*having second thoughts about the future* :lol:

go with the flow... :lol: :lol: :lol: don't you feel just a bit happier now? :sneaky: ;)