it only takes few minutes to read...and I bet some of them will make you laugh out loud!

 

 

 

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says

 

"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry,

 

we don't serve food in here."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his

 

arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

 

"Does this taste funny to you?"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

 

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

 

"Is it common?"

 

"It's not unusual."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says

 

to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

 

"I don't believe you," said Dolly.

 

"It's true, no bull!"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap

 

shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost

 

my electron."

 

The other says, "Are you sure?"

 

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's

 

cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

 

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks

 

the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

 

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

 

"What?, Because he's cross-eyed?"

 

"No, because he's really heavy"

 

-----------------------------------

 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but

 

I couldn't find any.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks

 

that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

 

He said, "no, the steaks are too high."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they

 

lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that

 

you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the

 

problem?" asks the doc.

 

"It's... um...well... I have five penises" replies the man.

 

"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"

 

"Like a glove."

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f sh.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to

 

the other and says "dam"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man

 

the guns, you drive"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

:D

:lol: :lol: THANKS A LOAD radi0ed, those are funny jokes! :D aww that made me day a little bit happier :)

im gonna use those....hehe on my mom....this is my sis and my saying to my mum "simple minds are easily amused" :D

awww my mind is simple

 

 

l am amused :roll: :oops: o welL!

lol when it comes to ma family i am.....when it comes to kids at school acting stupid and being problem causing i am....like today....my lit teacher was sitting at her desk and my whole class started making any aniamls noise possible and she didnt look up...lol im amused by her.....hmmm whats the word....cluelessness.....wait thats NOT word oh well.....

:o OK hehe

i know pretty stupid.....i should be saying stuff like...man come on stop....but i laugh....one time i told her who was doing it cuz u know shes old and couldnt tell..but i only did b/c they were being soooooo disrespectful....and she is a really awsome teacher....but all they see is the wrok she gives us....not her teaching abilities :shrug:

yah, some teachers are sketchy like that....ah well...thats their decision...l wanted to be a teacher...l dunno anymore...NOT cuz of what you told me...butr l just dunno anymore

yea....i dont want to....b/c school well....if surrounded by certain ppl...it can suck....and i wouldnt want to go back to a place i disliked for so many years even if i was a teacher....and besides....im not one to put up with alot of flack....b/c....well alotof techers get that....but anywys :P

exactly, well said

LOL! thanks for making my day cheery :D

COOL!!!

 

Good to see everyone liked the jokes!!! will send more if you like!!!

I've got a million of them!! N* xx :lol:

more more more!!