That bond i'm specifically talking about is the bond between myself and my mother.

 

Little background story: Since I was 12 I've lived with my mother and my two brothers, after my dad fell on hard times and we lost contact with him, and more recently my mams boyfriend. I say most recently, I mean like... on and off for the past 2 or 3 years.

 

I'm losing that mother - son bond. I'll always appreciate till the end of the Earth what she did for my brothers and me when my dad left, raising 3 sons by herself on a very average wage and giving us the life we live, but I don't like her. I don't want this to sound like some cry story, 'cause I have a very good life, but I'm completely losing the relationship with her.

 

I have two little brothers (16 and 13, 2 and 5 years younger than me respectively) and for the past 2 years now I've felt completely that I'm the least favourite. I know, it's a theme that most older siblings will say they feel, but I genuinely think that's how she sees it. I'm not just talking about the whole "they always side with the younger brother" thing, either. I never get any credit for anything. On the other hand, the smallest achievement from either brother gets a parade. The usual stuff. My 16 year old brother put the wooden flooring down in this room I'm in now. He's that kind of person, he does paintings and stuff. I'm not, I can draw, yeah, but I don't enjoy it, and I'm not the big pratical person. My brothers work experience was working at an electricians, mine was working for my uncle. Any time anyone comes into this house it's like "Oh, yeah, my 16 year old son put this floor down, and painted that picture. Oh, him? Nah he just sits around and does nothing". Him is me. I do nothing for no-one, in her eyes. I mean, not to sound arrogant or proclaim myself as a saint, but that's not true at all. I've spent every Saturday for the past 2 years, most Sundays, and a whole bunch of Tuesday/Wednesday nights going to the local football pitches and helping out running a football team. I've not been paid for any of it, and all I have to show for it is one league championship trophy and a few memories. Fact is, I started out doing that for my brother. When he started out, I went along to watch and show I'm interested, and they asked if I'd help out. I still go to every single one of his home cricket games (away games aren't an option cause I can't get there). Two seasons he's been playing cricket and I've been to about 30 games, my mam? Maybe 2. She's not a sports person, I don't like watching cricket either, but I still go.

 

But of course, I wouldn't demand recognition for it. I just don't like the fact that to everyone outside my family, and even some of my family, who walk through the front door, leave out the same door with an impression of me as some guy who has nothing going for him, while my brother is the perfect person. It's no way my brothers fault, mind. I've even heard it from her herself. I was thinking things like "oh, she definately thinks of me as a least favourite son", but I'd dismiss it, along with all my friends reassuring me saying "oh, every child thinks that". But she's saying it right behind me, knowing I can hear. Things recently including "he needs to grow up and sort himself out and do something for someone", going back to even a year ago where she basically made the statement that she wishes she'd had my cousin for a son instead of me. I'm too boring, apparently. That "boring" word is an actual quote, too. Cause when we spend time with our family, my cousin will sit with the adults drinking and talking, while I'll be with my cousins and brothers playing football and laughing.

 

I'm not the perfect son by no stretch of the imagination, but she makes it out like I've never achieved anything and I never will. I mean, I have good grades in school, I'm completely out of trouble, I'm in good shape physically, and there's still probably only a handful of people that have ever met me that wouldn't say a nice thing about me (said at the risk of sounding arrogant, but it's what I believe). The most I ever get is a "well done" or a quiet "thanks". I mean, I got 10 GCSEs, "well done". I got A's in ICT and Media last year... I don't even think I got a well done. I can't remember her saying a nice thing about me to someone else, like a stranger. Of course, Matt could be right in saying to me "you probably can, you're just frustrated", but I asked my brother and he couldn't either.

 

Her personality is one I don't think I'd get along with if it was in a random person. Put her personality in a girl in my school and I don't think I'd like that person. I mean, of course, she has characteristics that I admire her for, and has done things for me that I'll be grateful for all my life, but there's gaping things about her that I can't stand.

 

Personally, I think if you sent her back some 19 years ago, and gave her the choice of being a parent again, with her knowledge of what it'd be like, I don't think she'd even have kids the second time around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read it if you will, I need a neutral outlet to say this in. I'd have used myspace but there's people there that know my family more than you guys do.

It's been a while since I've heard from you Jack! :)

 

 

As for what you are talking about, I understand what you are trying to say. I myself am the oldest kid in my family. I have two siblings: a 13 year-old brother and an 8 year-old sister. They don't do much at all. They don't do any chores, don't help my parents with anything. I can understand that my sister is eight, and she can't do anything. But my brother is completely capable of taking out the trash or cleaning the house, yet he is always treated as if he has a handicap and can't physically do those tasks. We are only two years apart, so we can do the same things as the other can. I am always in charge of their responsibilities, and they don't appreciate it at all. If something is not done in the house, I get the blame, even if it's my brother's fault, because 'I'm the oldest, and I know better'. I do the same jobs that I do when I'm thirteen, so why can't my brother? It always enrages me, but I know that I just gotta do it. Sometimes I wonder how things are going to be when I leave for college, because then my brother would most of the time be the oldest kid in the house, so he'd have to take over my jobs. My parents let them get away with most of their mistakes, yet I'm always reminded of my petty ones.

 

I also understand how your mother-son bond is breaking. It's the same thing with me and my dad. I know that he loves me so much, and he does so much for me and my brother and sister. But we are just so alike, that we clash often. We are both stubborn and hard-headed, and our opinions can cause us to fight a lot. He can have quite the temper too, and one little thing can set him off. I don't think he understands how my life can be stressful, and he expects too much from me. I can clean the whole house top to bottom, yet when we comes home from work he'll nag me about how the dishes aren't washed. I get upset and go off on him, and we'll just start fighting again. I love him so much, but sometimes I wish he would just open his eyes just a little bit and see more ways that I'm good. I am certainly not perfect, and I've done things that I admit is worth being lectured over, but he knows that I can be sensitive, yet he can just tear me to pieces. I suppose that's why I always fight back and be stubborn, because I don't want him to see that I'm weak. Either way, we still fight, and I don't know what else to do. We can be laughing one moment and go at it at each other the next. I hope that he treats me like an actual human being, and not some robot sometimes.

 

Sorry that this is quite lengthy. But I definitely understand where you are coming from, and it's tough. But I think it's just a matter of life, and having the parent that you cannot understand is part of it. I can't change my dad, that's for sure. But if I can just keep my head up and know that I'm not as bad as he makes me, then I'll be okay. He doesn't intentionally want to put me down, he just doesn't want me to go off in life thinking that I should be awarded with a gold star every time I do something, and that I should do things just because I should. Maybe he's just trying to train me for real life.

Dear Jack,

I understand how you feel. I'm also the oldest of three and both my parents have a lot of hopes and demands on me. I couldn't fulfill them all and when it happened my dad would lost his patience and get angry with me. He would say things that broke my heart and hurt my feelings and all I can do is crying inside, cause I don't want him to see me cry, just like what Annie said. Nevertheless after he calmed himself down he would told me what went wrong and what I should do to prevent it in the future. I don't always agree to what he said, but at least we talked.

 

And I think you could try to talk to your mother. I don't know if you've tried to or haven't, but it's worth to do. When things are alright between you two, tell her about how you felt and thought of all the things she said and done. Just tell her everything and then ask her what is it that she wants from you or what should you do to change her mind about you or why she treated you like that. I mean you are her son and you do need some affection and care from her. Probably it will help her to open her eyes and heart to you.

 

She had through hard times and she might need someone or something to vent her anger and disappointment on (I hope vent is the right word for that), and she chose you cause she probably thought that you are the oldest one, you are stronger than your brothers, and that you will understand and will be just fine. It is wrong of course, but people do that to their beloved ones sometimes. Well it's just my opinion.

 

So try to talk to her and I hope both of you will understand each other better. :)

It's been a while since I've heard from you Jack! :)

 

 

As for what you are talking about, I understand what you are trying to say. I myself am the oldest kid in my family. I have two siblings: a 13 year-old brother and an 8 year-old sister. They don't do much at all. They don't do any chores, don't help my parents with anything. I can understand that my sister is eight, and she can't do anything. But my brother is completely capable of taking out the trash or cleaning the house, yet he is always treated as if he has a handicap and can't physically do those tasks. We are only two years apart, so we can do the same things as the other can. I am always in charge of their responsibilities, and they don't appreciate it at all. If something is not done in the house, I get the blame, even if it's my brother's fault, because 'I'm the oldest, and I know better'. I do the same jobs that I do when I'm thirteen, so why can't my brother? It always enrages me, but I know that I just gotta do it. Sometimes I wonder how things are going to be when I leave for college, because then my brother would most of the time be the oldest kid in the house, so he'd have to take over my jobs. My parents let them get away with most of their mistakes, yet I'm always reminded of my petty ones.

 

I wondered that very thing when I stepped out of my house and out on my parents for good two month ago. I was the only girl left after my sister married and moved out. So I was left as Cinderella...as far as chores went and cooking. Also, I paid bills. That was my graduation gift, seriously. They said a few days after I graduated: phone, water and one hundred dollars a month for rent is what you ''get'' as a gift when I asked them what they got me.

So when I moved out, I dunno who ended up with the endless chores and who ended up with those bills. I have and older brother and a fourteen year old brother. One spent his life on the computer and the other out with kid friends and bikes. Both were capable of doing chores but neither were assigned a damn thing. My mom even had me prepare the younger brother a sandwich he was more than able to make himself. I asker her why I had to do it, she says: because I said so. NO reason no nothing. I tried my best to do things with no complaints. But I work/ed forty hours a week then and now and I was barely home to make any of the messes I came home to clean. I thought it was really unfair and uncooperative of my family to expect so much of me.

 

I also understand how your mother-son bond is breaking. It's the same thing with me and my dad. I know that he loves me so much, and he does so much for me and my brother and sister. But we are just so alike, that we clash often. We are both stubborn and hard-headed, and our opinions can cause us to fight a lot. He can have quite the temper too, and one little thing can set him off. I don't think he understands how my life can be stressful, and he expects too much from me. I can clean the whole house top to bottom, yet when we comes home from work he'll nag me about how the dishes aren't washed. I get upset and go off on him, and we'll just start fighting again. I love him so much, but sometimes I wish he would just open his eyes just a little bit and see more ways that I'm good. I am certainly not perfect, and I've done things that I admit is worth being lectured over, but he knows that I can be sensitive, yet he can just tear me to pieces. I suppose that's why I always fight back and be stubborn, because I don't want him to see that I'm weak. Either way, we still fight, and I don't know what else to do. We can be laughing one moment and go at it at each other the next. I hope that he treats me like an actual human being, and not some robot sometimes.

 

Sorry that this is quite lengthy. But I definitely understand where you are coming from, and it's tough. But I think it's just a matter of life, and having the parent that you cannot understand is part of it. I can't change my dad, that's for sure. But if I can just keep my head up and know that I'm not as bad as he makes me, then I'll be okay. He doesn't intentionally want to put me down, he just doesn't want me to go off in life thinking that I should be awarded with a gold star every time I do something, and that I should do things just because I should. Maybe he's just trying to train me for real life.

 

 

Jack. I think I really could relate to the mom-kid situation because the reason I moved out was mainly my ever crazy mother and her awesome demands on me.

I also admire my mom for having raised FOUR kids on a below average income. She struggled for many hard years for us to get back up after the leaving of my father. I always thought she must have become a super woman at that time.

But then, she lost her powers or something in my early teen years and just went crazy or something. She made herself into a person I had immense trouble respecting. I did because she at least raised her kids to respect their parents...but she made it a difficult trial.

 

So it's this torn feeling right? Between loving and remembering and respecting that past super strength of getting us kids though the tough times and also of wanting to just totally not know her anymore because she is just someone you can't stand.

It makes me feel like a bad kid, to a mother...but I won't take back that I have justifiable reason to have a strong dislike to my mother.

 

Because of all the things I had going on with my mom, I can believe that you mom has treated you like a least favorite or an outcast ugly duckling or something. I can believe that now-a-days, parents can do some of the best and worst things.

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