Chris Martin sings for the Tories and other April Fools

 

Chris Martin sings for David Cameron? Roads made out of biscuits, penguins by the Thames, and Chris Martin rocking the vote for the Tories. A typically outlandish array of tales were on show in the newspapers to celebrate April Fools' Day.

 

Reporters had strained every ounce of grey matter to come up with a bumper crop of pranks, seemingly guaranteed to raise suspicions among even the most gullible.

 

But then, as the day itself is designed to demonstrate, we're all a bit more foolish than we think.

 

The Daily Express provides perhaps the strangest offering, filling page three with a picture of workmen steamrollering digestives and custard creams into a dual carriageway.

 

The accompanying article has the startling disclosure that "small amounts of the teatime snack, mixed with more traditional surfacing materials like bitumen, amazingly help to make roads 10% safer and more durable".

 

The aptly-named Professor Emilio Garibaldi takes the biscuit with his understated comment: "This may sound ridiculous, but it works."

 

Meanwhile, The Sun's experts appear to have been hard at work.

 

A "Jackass" penguin has been spotted in the Thames, and we are treated to a perfect close-up of the creature jogging on the beach .

 

The paper speculates that the penguin could create the same furore as the whale was sighted in London two months ago. Or maybe not.

 

The Mail's red herring has a rather more political bent.

 

"After 270 years, Blair paints No 10 front door socialist red," screams the headline on page three.

 

In deadpan prose, it says the prime minister has ordered the paint job because he is "feeling well and truly at home nine years after claiming the keys".

 

A cleaning lady gives the scarlet vision a quick polish, while "design consultant" April Fewell moans that it "sticks out like a sore thumb".

 

The Times saves its thunder for a small slot on page 12, where the anagramatically-correct Alexi Harpor (April Hoaxer?) opines on the topic of "Chip and sing" cards.

 

Soon, the paper says earnestly, we will be authorising our payments by belting out snatches of well-known tunes such as Jerusalem and My Way. The system should be commonplace by April 1, 2009 - which will certainly add something to the weekly shop.

 

Chris Martin and Tory leader David Cameron lock eyes longingly across page three of the Guardian.

 

The most extravagant fool of the day describes at length how the Coldplay frontman has released a version of one of their hits in a bid to persuade young people to vote Conservative.

 

"Talk" has been renamed "Talk to David" for the project, which apparently emerged after Martin's actress wife Gwyneth Paltrow met Cameron's other half Samantha at a yoga class.

 

Martin is determined to turn the air blue with altered lyrics concerning his political idol's fondness for riding bicycles and wearing fair-trade trainers.

 

However, the singer's clincher for supporting the Tories was learning Cameron had a wind generator on his roof: "I realised that whatever Labour said about Kyoto, you were never going to see a windmill on the roof of No 10."

 

http://www.24dash.com/content/news/viewNews.php?navID=7&newsID=4400

This is just another April Fools joke apparently.

 

 

Quite a few fell for it in the official boards :lol: