well uh, i've been thinking about random stuff and i just need a place to put all my thoughts, haha. i'm in an analytical mood (mostly analyzing myself, haha).

 

it's almost like... a journal, haha. sorry for the spammation, but... yeah... i'm really bored.

 

this probbabblly isn't really worth reading. if you're really interested in me and my thought processes, go ahead, haha.

 

 

 

 

- the bigheaded stuff. -

 

so today someone told me I was "freaking amazing". i always feel sorta bad whenever someone tells me that, and good at the same time.

 

"someone thinks i'm really cool--cool! haha, but i'm really not. there's a whole load of people that are better than i am. meh."

 

i think i'm a pretty well-rounded person. i have a lot of talents but i'm pretty mediocre with all of them. sure, i can play the drums, guitar, bass, take nice photos, sing a little, but it's nothing special really. the only thing i think is special is that i have a good handful of talents. i know a lot of people that draw a lot better, play bass a lot better, take better pictures, or play drums a lot better than i do, but I don't know many people that can do all of those.

 

and, i don't know what my problem is trying to be the best at everything. it's really stupid, but... i'm never satisfied with anything i do. sometimes i am, but usually it's... temporary. i guess it's good to not be satisfied so you can keep trying to be the best blah blah blah, but it's kinda... depressing, heh.

 

i show people some of my stuff and i'm not happy when they say it really rocks, and i'm hurt when they say "oh, it's not that good." -- I don't know what the hell i want, or why i even show people what i can do when i'm never going to be satisfied with their response.

 

i keep thinking "oh, if i'm not the best, i'm not really worth much", but if everyone thought that, we'd all be damned. i guess we all have a place, blah blah blah, but i still feel really insignificant. :/

 

and a lot of people take me the wrong way--it's nothing i can change, but it gets annoying sometimes. "oh, you just want pity." "you say you suck, just because you know you don't, and you want people to say you don't! for the ego boost!" -- actually, maybe they're right. i don't know myself, really... god, my self-esteem is so freaking low.

 

 

 

 

- the mushy stuff. -

 

so, my friend came over today while i was home alone, and we played texas hold 'em' poker and played some video games... then we called the guy I liked over, and he came over, then my other friend had to leave, leaving me alone with the guy i like at my house :laugh3:

 

i think most parents would think that's a no-no, but my parents trust me enough to know that i won't do anything stupid.

 

all we did was watch some stuff, play video games, watch tv, eat stuff, just basically hang out... and i loved it, honestly, hehe. i love his company--loads better than staying home alone all day.

 

i was going to ask him about, but... i think that would be a stupid move. i mean, i really like him, but i'm pretty sure he doesn't like me back. he'd just say "yes" because he wouldn't want to be mean... and all that crap that teen relationships usually have. they suck. i think i'm just going to enjoy our friendship while it lasts, and it has lasted for a pretty long time, haha. (7 years!) i can hug him, or put my head on his shoulder, usual friend stuff (i think :uhoh:), so that's good enough for me.

 

 

 

 

 

- the annoyin' -

 

 

okay. tv sucks.

 

before my friend came over i was watching some tv at around 11 AM. i have... what... 400 tv channels? but there's nothing to freaking watch! some intellectual chats on CSPAN and CNN that i won't freaking understand, the news (filled with unessecary stories about dogs that can do cool tricks and shit!), old movies, mindless cartoons--bleh! tv sucks! ('cept for FOX at 8 and 9 PM on tuesdays. ;))

 

 

 

 

 

haha, i think i'm gonna make this thread my place to complain and shiz. nice.

- the bigheaded stuff. -

 

so today someone told me I was "freaking amazing". i always feel sorta bad whenever someone tells me that, and good at the same time.

 

"someone thinks i'm really cool--cool! haha, but i'm really not. there's a whole load of people that are better than i am. meh."

 

i think i'm a pretty well-rounded person. i have a lot of talents but i'm pretty mediocre with all of them. sure, i can play the drums, guitar, bass, take nice photos, sing a little, but it's nothing special really. the only thing i think is special is that i have a good handful of talents. i know a lot of people that draw a lot better, play bass a lot better, take better pictures, or play drums a lot better than i do, but I don't know many people that can do all of those.

 

and, i don't know what my problem is trying to be the best at everything. it's really stupid, but... i'm never satisfied with anything i do. sometimes i am, but usually it's... temporary. i guess it's good to not be satisfied so you can keep trying to be the best blah blah blah, but it's kinda... depressing, heh.

 

i show people some of my stuff and i'm not happy when they say it really rocks, and i'm hurt when they say "oh, it's not that good." -- I don't know what the hell i want, or why i even show people what i can do when i'm never going to be satisfied with their response.

 

i keep thinking "oh, if i'm not the best, i'm not really worth much", but if everyone thought that, we'd all be damned. i guess we all have a place, blah blah blah, but i still feel really insignificant. :/

 

and a lot of people take me the wrong way--it's nothing i can change, but it gets annoying sometimes. "oh, you just want pity." "you say you suck, just because you know you don't, and you want people to say you don't! for the ego boost!" -- actually, maybe they're right. i don't know myself, really... god, my self-esteem is so freaking low.

 

Hmm. I guess I have felt like this before. The only thing I could say is what you have alreadly said. You can play bass, drums, guitar, take nice picturs, and sing. So why not be good at all of them, instead of being really good at one of them.

 

 

- the mushy stuff. -

 

so, my friend came over today while i was home alone, and we played texas hold 'em' poker and played some video games... then we called the guy I liked over, and he came over, then my other friend had to leave, leaving me alone with the guy i like at my house :laugh3:

 

i think most parents would think that's a no-no, but my parents trust me enough to know that i won't do anything stupid.

 

all we did was watch some stuff, play video games, watch tv, eat stuff, just basically hang out... and i loved it, honestly, hehe. i love his company--loads better than staying home alone all day.

 

i was going to ask him about, but... i think that would be a stupid move. i mean, i really like him, but i'm pretty sure he doesn't like me back. he'd just say "yes" because he wouldn't want to be mean... and all that crap that teen relationships usually have. they suck. i think i'm just going to enjoy our friendship while it lasts, and it has lasted for a pretty long time, haha. (7 years!) i can hug him, or put my head on his shoulder, usual friend stuff (i think :uhoh:), so that's good enough for me.

 

Well I think that it is good that you are good friends with him. For the other part I would not know what to do.:\

 

 

- the annoyin' -

 

 

okay. tv sucks.

 

before my friend came over i was watching some tv at around 11 AM. i have... what... 400 tv channels? but there's nothing to freaking watch! some intellectual chats on CSPAN and CNN that i won't freaking understand, the news (filled with unessecary stories about dogs that can do cool tricks and shit!), old movies, mindless cartoons--bleh! tv sucks! ('cept for FOX at 8 and 9 PM on tuesdays. ;))

 

Yeah I really don;t like TV except The Office and Lost. I used to love watch TV when I was 10 years old, probably because all I watched was cartoons. But TV does suck.

 

 

haha, i think i'm gonna make this thread my place to complain and shiz. nice.

 

Good idea!:thumbsup:

about the commentary and not being satisfied...

 

 

The solution is simple to think about ...but more complicated as well.

 

ya might hate me for this...but just...I know you can be honest with yourself...

 

 

Choose ONE of these hobbies of yours and learn it until you can be satisfied enough to say "Yeah, I am really good at this "biatches"! (as you say) ...and I really Rock!"

THEN true satisfaction will be there :)

 

And I don't believe it will take long either..I have noticed you pick things up really quick? This is good.

 

That way...if it's not something you want to call your most special talent..you can pick up your other hobby and stick to that one.

 

After some time, you will find the one you're REALLY good at.

 

And most importantly..one YOU, Alyssa will enjoy. And you will then enjoy the nice compliments too :)

 

But never let go off all the things you like to do...sing, play guitar.

 

 

Say you choose to photograph.

 

You develop the talent to where you're really good, and you take more time with photography than you do with anything else...

 

This is fine and dandy. But at the same time ..you could still mangage to do the other things on your list too..but they just wont take up as much time as you dedicate to photography.

 

I hope it made sense. And i hope you at least try this idea.

 

 

I don't wanna get into the mushy stuff..it's none of my business. (but it does seem that you are okay with things being the way they are...)

 

 

yeah, tv and tv commercials ARE lame. Stick to the compey. :wink:

i think maybe to be more positive because some peeps do think that what you do is great and when they say its sh*t just try and make it better. I hope that helps!

hey alyssa...... you're freaking amazing and you're pretty cool

hey alyssa...... you're freaking amazing and you're pretty cool

 

-_-

I second that...:P

 

:nice: