i'm not sure if i spell the word 'weird' right or not.. but who cares

okay, i feel really odd right now

it's not happy and not sad... i dont know may be it's somekind of between

i feel like there's a switch inside me

one day i love my hair but another day i want to cut it off

it's liked i want to talk to someone but i know they wont understand it (that's why it's weird)

I get this all the time.

 

Usually I begin to find that its extreme waves of manic depression slowed down/speeded up to a condensed vibration.

yeah and you dont have a clue what it will be like tomorrow

Yep.

 

Manic depression is feeling really happy for a few days, and then feeling really sad for a few days. Sometimes when it gets fast, you feel really happy for 5 minutes, and then really depressed for a few more minutes.

 

When it gets SO fast you dont even notice it changing, like each thought that runs through your head is setting off happiness or sadness, and we're all having more then one thought running through our heads (If I listen hard I can hear 3 or 4 running at the same time, aware of different things).

 

So, some of your thought processes are happy and others are sad, its pretty crazy.

people always notice their sadness more than happiness.. and as if the feelings are changing so many times may be that's why good time is passing so fast that you dont even feel it anymore when the sad period comes

 

or may be it's just a thought in my head that is changing all the time

Yeah you do feel sadness for a much longer time then you'd notice happiness. But its equal when you first get out of the sadness and realise that your happy (Its a great feeling, I know that I definately notice it).

 

So its pretty equal when you keep finding out that your happy, if only for a split second, and even if you dont know that its happened.

it's harder to get it when you try to find it

 

i always made terrible decisions when i was in a bad bad mood and that's suck because in a very soon time later i will know what i did wrong and that makes me more sad than the time i was in a bad mood

I do that too, its like a drunken sadness, when you'd do anything to make yourself feel better.

 

I once told a girl I loved her, completely ruined a friendship.

that's sad ..i may not get it because i never experience something like that before but you already told her, i'm sure you feels bad ruined your relationship but on the other hand i think you may feel relief that you had said it

 

 

is that called drunken sadness because i may be drunk but without alcohol

Hey I feel kinda happy I guess. And that's so wonderfully weird because I have no reason to be. It's just like... it's not within my power to change that, you know what I mean? Sometimes you can only enjoy the way you're feeling until your mood changes. And I'm not even drunk.

I had that many times peng. I'm not sad but not happy either and I feel like this for a long time, it's like I'm feeling numb or something. Though I call it 'feeling neutral'. I dunno if this is indeed a big problem but I know of how you are feeling cos I have the same with my hair, seriously.

I don't know if my past plays a big part of how I'm feeling but oh well.

you cant control your mood. it's already good that you feel happy without any reason. it's liked the time you feel lonely even when people are all around you.

Elsje, my past used to play a big part on my emotionl mood too ..but i dont really think about it right now. i dont know why i used to be so obsess about things that already happened

and ummm.. i still thinking what should i do with my hair

I totally understand, well I don't think about it too much either but sometimes it just 'pops' in your head out of nowhere.

Don't wanna sound sad but ; did you have a bad childhood too?

that's sad ..i may not get it because i never experience something like that before but you already told her, i'm sure you feels bad ruined your relationship but on the other hand i think you may feel relief that you had said it

 

 

is that called drunken sadness because i may be drunk but without alcohol

 

Yeah, its drunken sadness (I dont know if thats an official term but thats what it is to me).

 

It wasnt a relief that I said it because I didnt actually mean it, I was just so sad and lonely and needed someone to pick me up. My involvement with her didnt last long and I had to apologise because it was really selfish to play around like that.

I totally understand' date=' well I don't think about it too much either but sometimes it just 'pops' in your head out of nowhere. [/b']

Don't wanna sound sad but ; did you have a bad childhood too?

 

no, i dont think i had a bad childhood. my childhood is too good that i dont know as if i can have it again. i first start to get obsess about my past since i moved to my new school, which i find it so hard to get along with my classmates and that was the tough part of my life. it gets better and better but now my only group of friends in my new school had left and there's only me again. i feel like i have to start it all over again

 

 

 

 

Yeah, its drunken sadness (I dont know if thats an official term but thats what it is to me).

 

It wasnt a relief that I said it because I didnt actually mean it, I was just so sad and lonely and needed someone to pick me up. My involvement with her didnt last long and I had to apologise because it was really selfish to play around like that.

 

yes, you have to. i think that is a big mistake you've made and if you still want to be friend with her you have to apologise her. i know it's the hardest word to say but it'll get harder when the time pass by