Roberta

well...this week goop A long-term relationship between two people is an ever evolving organism. Some stay the course, some fall, all stumble. Here I’ve asked a few very wise women, most of whom are in varying forms of longtime partnerships, for their insights. Love, --- Gwyneth Paltrow Question: “What does it take to sustain a happy and successful relationship or marriage?” Monica Berg replies: Relationships are a topic I thoroughly enjoy researching and discussing, specifically one between a husband and wife. It is, in fact, one of the most significant connections we will ever have, one that can impact our lives for better or worse. What helps sustain a relationship is continuing to put as much effort into nourishing it as we did finding it. Blind dating, online dating, double dating – we put ourselves through every imaginable uncomfortable situation, and once we get married, it is almost as if it’s another item crossed off our checklist. Married, check. Children, check. Career, check. Very often we have a romanticized idea in mind as to what our lives will be like after we get married, one that’s often not based in reality. Inevitably, the honeymoon ends and life goes on. We get busy at work, spending time with coworkers, becoming close with our girlfriends discussing our relationship woes, and taking the kids out together. We end up spending more time apart and confiding in those people with whom we share our day. We need to create time where we can come back together with our significant other to reconnect and share. This is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. We must put the time in. This connection has the potential to be totally satisfying and complete, helping us grow to levels of emotional intimacy that we are not yet aware exist. Unfortunately, too often couples do not consistently invest in nurturing their love and when challenges arise, there isn’t a strong base from which to work. That is why I think this idea of nurturing a relationship is probably one of the most important keys. It is the very foundation on which the outcome of future experiences and conflicts depend. Therefore, I would like to share with you four keys that are important for nurturing relationships. 1. Consciously focus on the good in one another. We need to make a conscious effort to focus on the good because this is what allows us to appreciate our partner. This is something we do when we first start dating. We de-emphasize the negative and overemphasize the positive. Unfortunately, the scales shift to the opposite after we’re married. Only through a conscious effort can we create a consistent kindness, fondness and appreciation towards one another, where we actually want to honor “until death do us part.” 2. Cherish small moments of intimacy and laughter. Finding the opportunities in day-to-day experiences to engage and create beautiful moments and memories together is what it’s all about. Making a commitment to each other that no problem or obstacle will be bigger than your commitment to each other is so important. 3. Be vulnerable with one another. I know the word itself doesn’t sound appealing, but giving your heart to somebody you trust and love is a beautiful and necessary thing. Even if it is hard to do. We may be too proud or untrusting to become vulnerable, but so much love and connection can come from this type of openness. 4. Repair. This is so necessary because after two people argue, usually one leaves the room and doesn’t come back to say, “I regret what I said.” It gets buried. And then comes the next day with another fight, usually about something insignificant like the remote control or who is going to walk the dog. This cycle becomes the norm and soon it becomes the primary part of the marriage. Coming back together for repair is crucial and discussing what happened and how to grow from it. “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” – John F. Kennedy There are no stable marriages. There may be happy ones, but not stable ones. Either we are growing forward or falling backwards. This is true in all areas of our life. There is no constant; there is only change and movement. This is “the law of life,” which is why I believe nurturing relationships is so important. We owe it to ourselves and those we love not to settle for mediocrity in any way, and instead to nurture and allow our relationships to become the source of joy, support and love that they were intended to be. Monica Berg Monica Berg is a spiritual teacher and guide. She is creative director at the Kabbalah Centre and leads a monthly forum in Los Angeles, Kabbalah for Women. She is also the co-founder of the charitable organization, Raising Malawi. Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes replies: If any of us had the true answer to the exact and “true” ingredients that make for a happy and healthy long-term relationship/marriage, we would probably win a Nobel Prize for helping humanity. However, since this is an age-old question with no one definitive answer, we can only use our past experiences in the helping professions, as well as drawing on the wisdom of seers and sages from a variety of disciplines, to attempt to address this issue. Kahlil Gibran in his essay on marriage states, “Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping; For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together; For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” Over the years, I have worked with many couples before, during and even after their relationships have ended. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from my work and my own relationships is that “what you see is what you get.” People often fall in love and continue relationships into marriage believing that they will be able to change the other. This is interesting because we are often drawn to our mates initially because they are different from us, only to find that once we are embedded, we want the other to change to be more like us. Respect for who your partner is in the beginning of your connection is essential. A professor of mine in college once stated, “there is no such thing as potential.” I agree in terms of picking partners. Once in a relationship or marriage, respect, empathy and giving to the other is paramount. If each partner in a relationship is dedicated to helping their mate grow, evolve and flourish without trying to control, limit or damper the other’s spirit, the couple will thrive and expand in their love. Trust is essential. I don’t just mean physical fidelity, but rather trust in all realms of life. One should feel that they can fall backwards and have loving, nonjudgmental arms to catch them. This also includes dependability, responsibility and accountability to each other. The sexual connection in a relationship is a beautiful gift, which should never be taken for granted. Although the sexuality in a long relationship may ebb and flow throughout the lifespan of the connection, a couple should work on the dance of their physicality in whatever form it takes at each stage. Wherever possible, finding mutual experiences to share and enjoy is essential. Finding time to nurture and water the relationship will always cause the garden of love to flourish. A relationship or marriage should be a safe harbor in life’s ocean, a place to find one’s bliss. Joseph Campbell, in discussing marriage states, “That is the sense of the marriage vow – I take you in health and sickness, in wealth or poverty; going up and going down. But I take you as my center, and you are my bliss, not the wealth you may bring me, not the social prestige, but you. That is following your bliss.” Thank you. Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 15 years. See her website, DrKarennyc.com, for more information. Cynthia Bourgeault replies: On July 5, 1997, high in a mountain meadow above Telluride, Colorado, my oldest daughter, Gwen Bourgeault, and Rod Rehnborg exchanged their marriage vows. I was honored when they asked me to be their wedding preacher and even more honored when the words I spoke seemed to move many people gathered there that day. The talk was later published as the epilogue to my book, Love Is Stronger than Death. We are reprinting it here in GOOP because it seems so appropriate to the question under discussion. And Happy 12th Anniversary, Gwen and Rod! A Wedding Sermon It is a privilege to have two roles at this wedding: mother of the bride and wedding preacher. It’s easy to look at marriage as the culmination of love – the end point of the journey that begins with “falling in love.” But as all of you who have ever been married know, and as you yourselves, Gwen and Rod, are beginning to discover – marriage is not the culmination of love, but only the beginning. Love remains and deepens, but its form changes. Or, more accurately, it renews itself in a different way. Less and less does it draw its water from the old springs of romance, and you should not worry if over time these dimensions fade or are seen less frequently. More and more, love draws its replenishment from love itself: from the practice of conscious love, expressed in your mutual servant-hood to one another. In making these vows of marriage, you become disciples on the path of love. It is a powerful spiritual path and if you live it and practice it well, it will transform your lives and through its power in your own lives will reach out to touch the world. What you really do today is put your own selves – your hopes and fears, irritations and shadows, your intimate jostling up against each other – become the friction that polishes you both to pure diamonds. But how to stay in touch with that power? At those times when stress mounts and romance seems far away, how do you practice that conscious love that will renew itself and renew your relationship? After all, if you are disciples, there must be a discipline.... Here is the one that works for me. And while its particularly appropriate for married couples, it can be practiced by all of you, in all circumstances of your lives, if you wish to deepen your own practice of conscious love. It’s contained in one sentence – four little phrases – in that great hymn of love so often read at weddings, I Corinthians 13: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” If you understand and recognize what each of these four phrases means and entails, you will be able to practice conscious love in all circumstances of your life. “Love bears all things...” But this does not mean a dreary sort of “putting up with” or victimization. There are two meanings of the word bear, and they both apply. The first means “to hold up, to sustain” – like a bearing wall, which carries the weight of the house. Love “holds up and sustains.” You might say this is its masculine meaning. Its feminine meaning is this: to bear means “to give birth, to be fruitful.” So love is that which in any situation is the most life-giving and fruitful. “Love believes all things...” This is the most difficult of the four instructions to understand. I know a very devout Christian lady back in Maine whose husband was philandering and everyone on the island knew it, but she refused to see it because “love believes all things.” But this is not what the words mean. “To believe all things” does not mean to be gullible, to refuse to face up to the truth. Rather, it means that in every possible circumstance of life, there is a higher and lower way of perceiving and acting. There is a way of perceiving that leads to cynicism and divisiveness, a closing off of possibility; and there is a way that leads to higher faith and love, to a higher and more fruitful outcome. To “believe all things” means always orient yourselves toward the highest possible outcome in any situation and strive for its actualization. “Love hopes all things...” Generally, we think of hope as related to outcome; it is a happy feeling that comes from achieving the desired outcome, as in, “I hope I win the lottery.” But in the practice of conscious love you begin to discover a different kind of hope, a hope that is related not to outcome but to a wellspring…a source of strength, which wells up from deep within you, independent of all outcomes. It is the kind of hope that the prophet Habakkuk speaks of when he says, “Though the fig tree does not blossom and the vines bear no fruit, yet I will rejoice in the Lord.” It is a hope that can never be taken away from you because it is love itself working in you, conferring the strength to stay present to that “highest possible outcome” that can be believed and aspired to. Finally, “Love endures all things.” But there is only one way to endure. Everything that is tough and brittle shatters; everything that is cynical rots. The only way to endure is to forgive, over and over; to give back that openness and possibility for new beginning, which is the very essence of love itself. And in such a way love comes full circle and can fully “sustain and make fruitful,” and the cycle begins again, at a deeper place. And conscious love deepens and becomes more and more rooted in your marriage. It is not an easy path. But if you practice it faithfully and well, as disciples of love itself, the love which first brought you together will gradually knit you together in that one abler soul, which from all along, even before you were formed in the womb, God has been calling you to become: true man and wife. Cynthia Bourgeault Cynthia Bourgeault is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada. Rebeka Sawyer replies: I must begin with an excerpt from a poem by David Whyte: The Truelove There is a faith in loving fiercely the one who is rightfully yours, especially if you have waited years and especially if part of you never believed you could deserve this loved and beckoning hand held out to you this way. I am thinking of faith now... I believe in faith, deeply. And in romantic relationships, how is faith exemplified? What IS the daily "practice" of our unique faith in love? How do we create a “doing”? On January 1, 2009, I began assessing my New Year’s resolutions. I found many, many issues that needed my refreshed attention...but the one that kept coming to the front of the line was HOW DEEPLY in love I was with my husband and the question of how could I better express and animate my love daily. My New Year’s answer to this self-reflective dialogue included an invitation, so I said to my husband of many years (lifetimes?), “Babe, let's find a moment, daily, to surprise each other with a kiss, a DEEP one.” This is, after all, where it ALL began, the desire, then the yearning, then the waiting.... I continued, “And let us each unexpectedly – you or me – plant (definition: set in the ground for growth) a deep kiss. Let’s remember how it began.” It is as simple as that and it IS as powerful as that, and as simple. Now, each day we seek and plan, (and sometimes miss – ahhh, LIFE!) to find the surprise, to seek the unexpected, to linger in the remembered in a kiss “a thousand kisses deep” (Adam Cohen). That first kiss can be animated daily. And it does, indeed, still set off the delicious, exquisite realm of possibilities. For Eros When you love, May you feel the joy Of your heart coming As your love’s gaze Lands on your eyes, Holding them, Like the weight of a kiss, Deepening May slow sequences Of kisses discover Your secret echoes. – John O’Donohue And, and, and... – Excerpt from A Pretty Song And I say to my heart: rave on. – Mary Oliver Rebeka Sawyer Rebeka Sawyer lives on the West Coast with her man of 26 years....and counting (kisses)....

well...this week goop A long-term relationship between two people is an ever evolving organism. Some stay the course, some fall, all stumble. Here I’ve asked a few very wise women, most of whom are in varying forms of longtime partnerships, for their insights. Love, --- Gwyneth Paltrow Question: “What does it take to sustain a happy and successful relationship or marriage?” Monica Berg replies: Relationships are a topic I thoroughly enjoy researching and discussing, specifically one between a husband and wife. It is, in fact, one of the most significant connections we will ever have, one that can impact our lives for better or worse. What helps sustain a relationship is continuing to put as much effort into nourishing it as we did finding it. Blind dating, online dating, double dating – we put ourselves through every imaginable uncomfortable situation, and once we get married, it is almost as if it’s another item crossed off our checklist. Married, check. Children, check. Career, check. Very often we have a romanticized idea in mind as to what our lives will be like after we get married, one that’s often not based in reality. Inevitably, the honeymoon ends and life goes on. We get busy at work, spending time with coworkers, becoming close with our girlfriends discussing our relationship woes, and taking the kids out together. We end up spending more time apart and confiding in those people with whom we share our day. We need to create time where we can come back together with our significant other to reconnect and share. This is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. We must put the time in. This connection has the potential to be totally satisfying and complete, helping us grow to levels of emotional intimacy that we are not yet aware exist. Unfortunately, too often couples do not consistently invest in nurturing their love and when challenges arise, there isn’t a strong base from which to work. That is why I think this idea of nurturing a relationship is probably one of the most important keys. It is the very foundation on which the outcome of future experiences and conflicts depend. Therefore, I would like to share with you four keys that are important for nurturing relationships. 1. Consciously focus on the good in one another. We need to make a conscious effort to focus on the good because this is what allows us to appreciate our partner. This is something we do when we first start dating. We de-emphasize the negative and overemphasize the positive. Unfortunately, the scales shift to the opposite after we’re married. Only through a conscious effort can we create a consistent kindness, fondness and appreciation towards one another, where we actually want to honor “until death do us part.” 2. Cherish small moments of intimacy and laughter. Finding the opportunities in day-to-day experiences to engage and create beautiful moments and memories together is what it’s all about. Making a commitment to each other that no problem or obstacle will be bigger than your commitment to each other is so important. 3. Be vulnerable with one another. I know the word itself doesn’t sound appealing, but giving your heart to somebody you trust and love is a beautiful and necessary thing. Even if it is hard to do. We may be too proud or untrusting to become vulnerable, but so much love and connection can come from this type of openness. 4. Repair. This is so necessary because after two people argue, usually one leaves the room and doesn’t come back to say, “I regret what I said.” It gets buried. And then comes the next day with another fight, usually about something insignificant like the remote control or who is going to walk the dog. This cycle becomes the norm and soon it becomes the primary part of the marriage. Coming back together for repair is crucial and discussing what happened and how to grow from it. “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” – John F. Kennedy There are no stable marriages. There may be happy ones, but not stable ones. Either we are growing forward or falling backwards. This is true in all areas of our life. There is no constant; there is only change and movement. This is “the law of life,” which is why I believe nurturing relationships is so important. We owe it to ourselves and those we love not to settle for mediocrity in any way, and instead to nurture and allow our relationships to become the source of joy, support and love that they were intended to be. Monica Berg Monica Berg is a spiritual teacher and guide. She is creative director at the Kabbalah Centre and leads a monthly forum in Los Angeles, Kabbalah for Women. She is also the co-founder of the charitable organization, Raising Malawi. Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes replies: If any of us had the true answer to the exact and “true” ingredients that make for a happy and healthy long-term relationship/marriage, we would probably win a Nobel Prize for helping humanity. However, since this is an age-old question with no one definitive answer, we can only use our past experiences in the helping professions, as well as drawing on the wisdom of seers and sages from a variety of disciplines, to attempt to address this issue. Kahlil Gibran in his essay on marriage states, “Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping; For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together; For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” Over the years, I have worked with many couples before, during and even after their relationships have ended. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from my work and my own relationships is that “what you see is what you get.” People often fall in love and continue relationships into marriage believing that they will be able to change the other. This is interesting because we are often drawn to our mates initially because they are different from us, only to find that once we are embedded, we want the other to change to be more like us. Respect for who your partner is in the beginning of your connection is essential. A professor of mine in college once stated, “there is no such thing as potential.” I agree in terms of picking partners. Once in a relationship or marriage, respect, empathy and giving to the other is paramount. If each partner in a relationship is dedicated to helping their mate grow, evolve and flourish without trying to control, limit or damper the other’s spirit, the couple will thrive and expand in their love. Trust is essential. I don’t just mean physical fidelity, but rather trust in all realms of life. One should feel that they can fall backwards and have loving, nonjudgmental arms to catch them. This also includes dependability, responsibility and accountability to each other. The sexual connection in a relationship is a beautiful gift, which should never be taken for granted. Although the sexuality in a long relationship may ebb and flow throughout the lifespan of the connection, a couple should work on the dance of their physicality in whatever form it takes at each stage. Wherever possible, finding mutual experiences to share and enjoy is essential. Finding time to nurture and water the relationship will always cause the garden of love to flourish. A relationship or marriage should be a safe harbor in life’s ocean, a place to find one’s bliss. Joseph Campbell, in discussing marriage states, “That is the sense of the marriage vow – I take you in health and sickness, in wealth or poverty; going up and going down. But I take you as my center, and you are my bliss, not the wealth you may bring me, not the social prestige, but you. That is following your bliss.” Thank you. Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 15 years. See her website, DrKarennyc.com, for more information. Cynthia Bourgeault replies: On July 5, 1997, high in a mountain meadow above Telluride, Colorado, my oldest daughter, Gwen Bourgeault, and Rod Rehnborg exchanged their marriage vows. I was honored when they asked me to be their wedding preacher and even more honored when the words I spoke seemed to move many people gathered there that day. The talk was later published as the epilogue to my book, Love Is Stronger than Death. We are reprinting it here in GOOP because it seems so appropriate to the question under discussion. And Happy 12th Anniversary, Gwen and Rod! A Wedding Sermon It is a privilege to have two roles at this wedding: mother of the bride and wedding preacher. It’s easy to look at marriage as the culmination of love – the end point of the journey that begins with “falling in love.” But as all of you who have ever been married know, and as you yourselves, Gwen and Rod, are beginning to discover – marriage is not the culmination of love, but only the beginning. Love remains and deepens, but its form changes. Or, more accurately, it renews itself in a different way. Less and less does it draw its water from the old springs of romance, and you should not worry if over time these dimensions fade or are seen less frequently. More and more, love draws its replenishment from love itself: from the practice of conscious love, expressed in your mutual servant-hood to one another. In making these vows of marriage, you become disciples on the path of love. It is a powerful spiritual path and if you live it and practice it well, it will transform your lives and through its power in your own lives will reach out to touch the world. What you really do today is put your own selves – your hopes and fears, irritations and shadows, your intimate jostling up against each other – become the friction that polishes you both to pure diamonds. But how to stay in touch with that power? At those times when stress mounts and romance seems far away, how do you practice that conscious love that will renew itself and renew your relationship? After all, if you are disciples, there must be a discipline.... Here is the one that works for me. And while its particularly appropriate for married couples, it can be practiced by all of you, in all circumstances of your lives, if you wish to deepen your own practice of conscious love. It’s contained in one sentence – four little phrases – in that great hymn of love so often read at weddings, I Corinthians 13: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” If you understand and recognize what each of these four phrases means and entails, you will be able to practice conscious love in all circumstances of your life. “Love bears all things...” But this does not mean a dreary sort of “putting up with” or victimization. There are two meanings of the word bear, and they both apply. The first means “to hold up, to sustain” – like a bearing wall, which carries the weight of the house. Love “holds up and sustains.” You might say this is its masculine meaning. Its feminine meaning is this: to bear means “to give birth, to be fruitful.” So love is that which in any situation is the most life-giving and fruitful. “Love believes all things...” This is the most difficult of the four instructions to understand. I know a very devout Christian lady back in Maine whose husband was philandering and everyone on the island knew it, but she refused to see it because “love believes all things.” But this is not what the words mean. “To believe all things” does not mean to be gullible, to refuse to face up to the truth. Rather, it means that in every possible circumstance of life, there is a higher and lower way of perceiving and acting. There is a way of perceiving that leads to cynicism and divisiveness, a closing off of possibility; and there is a way that leads to higher faith and love, to a higher and more fruitful outcome. To “believe all things” means always orient yourselves toward the highest possible outcome in any situation and strive for its actualization. “Love hopes all things...” Generally, we think of hope as related to outcome; it is a happy feeling that comes from achieving the desired outcome, as in, “I hope I win the lottery.” But in the practice of conscious love you begin to discover a different kind of hope, a hope that is related not to outcome but to a wellspring…a source of strength, which wells up from deep within you, independent of all outcomes. It is the kind of hope that the prophet Habakkuk speaks of when he says, “Though the fig tree does not blossom and the vines bear no fruit, yet I will rejoice in the Lord.” It is a hope that can never be taken away from you because it is love itself working in you, conferring the strength to stay present to that “highest possible outcome” that can be believed and aspired to. Finally, “Love endures all things.” But there is only one way to endure. Everything that is tough and brittle shatters; everything that is cynical rots. The only way to endure is to forgive, over and over; to give back that openness and possibility for new beginning, which is the very essence of love itself. And in such a way love comes full circle and can fully “sustain and make fruitful,” and the cycle begins again, at a deeper place. And conscious love deepens and becomes more and more rooted in your marriage. It is not an easy path. But if you practice it faithfully and well, as disciples of love itself, the love which first brought you together will gradually knit you together in that one abler soul, which from all along, even before you were formed in the womb, God has been calling you to become: true man and wife. Cynthia Bourgeault Cynthia Bourgeault is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada. Rebeka Sawyer replies: I must begin with an excerpt from a poem by David Whyte: The Truelove There is a faith in loving fiercely the one who is rightfully yours, especially if you have waited years and especially if part of you never believed you could deserve this loved and beckoning hand held out to you this way. I am thinking of faith now... I believe in faith, deeply. And in romantic relationships, how is faith exemplified? What IS the daily "practice" of our unique faith in love? How do we create a “doing”? On January 1, 2009, I began assessing my New Year’s resolutions. I found many, many issues that needed my refreshed attention...but the one that kept coming to the front of the line was HOW DEEPLY in love I was with my husband and the question of how could I better express and animate my love daily. My New Year’s answer to this self-reflective dialogue included an invitation, so I said to my husband of many years (lifetimes?), “Babe, let's find a moment, daily, to surprise each other with a kiss, a DEEP one.” This is, after all, where it ALL began, the desire, then the yearning, then the waiting.... I continued, “And let us each unexpectedly – you or me – plant (definition: set in the ground for growth) a deep kiss. Let’s remember how it began.” It is as simple as that and it IS as powerful as that, and as simple. Now, each day we seek and plan, (and sometimes miss – ahhh, LIFE!) to find the surprise, to seek the unexpected, to linger in the remembered in a kiss “a thousand kisses deep” (Adam Cohen). That first kiss can be animated daily. And it does, indeed, still set off the delicious, exquisite realm of possibilities. For Eros When you love, May you feel the joy Of your heart coming As your love’s gaze Lands on your eyes, Holding them, Like the weight of a kiss, Deepening May slow sequences Of kisses discover Your secret echoes. – John O’Donohue And, and, and... – Excerpt from A Pretty Song And I say to my heart: rave on. – Mary Oliver Rebeka Sawyer Rebeka Sawyer lives on the West Coast with her man of 26 years....and counting (kisses)....

yeah...i look the site too...you have to take pills...it's iINSANE and is a HORRIBLE MESSAGE for all of us. Shame on you Gwyneth

this goop is simply RIDICOLUS. This is the Gwyneth i don't like.

As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you. Love, --- Gwyneth Paltrow GOOP: What is Clean? Dr. Alejandro Junger: Clean is a program for achieving vibrant health and restoring the body’s own natural ability to heal itself. Clean is a detox program you can easily do at home, with freshly made foods and drinks (A meal replacement shake-supplement version of it is also available in a kit from http://www.cleanprogram.com.) Under my medical supervision, hundreds of patients over the years have experienced stunning results. Consistently they have reported no complications, and most have found it simple to follow. I developed the Clean Program to help treat the chronic symptoms many of us face by addressing them at the root level and restoring our bodies to optimum functioning. When our systems are overtaxed, they begin to break down in a multitude of ways. Allergies, headaches, depression, irritable bowel syndrome, fatigue, weight gain and insomnia are just a few of the symptoms that can result. The majority of these common ailments are the direct result of toxin build-up in our systems that has accumulated during the course of our daily lives. In my book, Clean: A Revolutionary Program to Restore the Body’s Natural Ability to Heal Itself, I make this program available to everyone. The three key elements of the Clean Program are to Remove, Restore and Rejuvenate. When you “Remove” the obstacles to health and you “Restore” the nutrients that are lacking, your body will repair and heal itself of many of the frustrating symptoms that we deal with on a daily basis. However, the results of safely and skillfully detoxing go even further. The body “Rejuvenates” itself and you finally discover what it feels like to be healthy. GOOP: How did you come up with the Clean Program? Dr. Alejandro Junger: After medical school, I moved to New York to complete my postgraduate training. The drastic change in lifestyle left me 20 pounds overweight, with severe allergies, irritable bowel syndrome and depression, visits to three specialists and taking seven prescription medications. The verdict: “I had a chemical imbalance – my brain was not producing enough serotonin.” I wanted a different solution. I studied and tried everything that made sense to me. Meditation, Ayurvedic medicine, Chinese medicine, chiropractic care, massage and hands-on healing improved the symptoms, but something still wasn’t right. While working in a busy cardiology practice in Palm Springs, I signed up for a two-week juice fast, a detox program based on vegetable juices and colon cleansing, at the local We Care Spa Holistic Health Center. As a result, not only did my symptoms completely disappear, I lost 15 pounds, felt better that I remembered possible, and I was told repeatedly that I looked ten years younger. My medical experience as a cardiologist with a functional medicine approach made it possible for me to perfect this program, witnessing the effects on patients all over the world over the past seven years. Today, the Clean Program is an integral part of my practices at New York’s Eleven Eleven Wellness Center and the Lenox Hill Heart and Vascular Institute, where I am designing an integrative medicine service. GOOP: How did it become a part of your practice? Dr. Alejandro Junger: After seeing my results, my family and friends also wanted to look younger. They’d come visit and while staying with me, I would guide them through the same juice fasting detox program. It worked wonders in the quiet desert setting. Many of them saw symptoms disappear that had not responded to anything before. The word was out. My second bedroom had a waiting list. Soon my patients started to ask for the same program. I couldn’t say no. In 2003, I moved to L.A. Soon I noticed that the program was not working as well when it was done in the midst of modern life in a noisy, busy city. Most of my patients could not afford time or money to detox in a spa setting. Functional medicine helped me understand the key aspects of detox, which allowed me to start getting better and better results by slightly slowing down the detox process and fully supporting it nutritionally. Finding ways to improve results kept me hopeful despite the health news, full of reports on the rising epidemic of diseases connected to diet and lifestyle. Fatigue, allergies, digestive disorders, heartburn, depression, insomnia, aches and pains were seen as the expected wear and tear of age. My specialty, heart disease, together with cancer, were, and still are, the leading causes of death in America. Paradoxically, I found that there were higher disease rates in industrialized countries than in developing nations. The more technologically advanced we became, the sicker we got. It didn’t make sense that everybody was sick and on medications. Modern medicine can save your life by reopening a blocked coronary artery, stopping a heart attack or reconstructing someone’s bones in the orthopedic surgeon’s modern operating room. Yet the health problems that respond to the powerful medications and surgeries of modern medicine are only a small fraction of the total number of health problems in our population at any given time. The remaining majority, the chronic illnesses, or diseases of modern life, are only silenced by the same approach. Symptom control is the goal and it is still mostly unsuccessful and expensive. Our medical system is not working. The need was growing, and continues to grow, for a solution other than more chemicals and surgery. GOOP: How do toxins accumulate? Where do they come from? How do they affect our health? Dr. Alejandro Junger: There is another “inconvenient truth” still hidden from popular awareness. Global warming is just a symptom. At the root of it is global toxicity, the build-up of chemicals that is threatening all life on earth. The air we breathe, the water we drink and shower with, the buildings we live and work in, and most of all, the foods we eat, are loaded with chemicals that alone or in combination cause irritation, inflammation, sickness and, ultimately, death. Preservatives, conservatives, additives for color, smell, taste and texture, pesticides, insecticides, fertilizers, herbicides, fungicides, hormones, antibiotics, wax, chlorine, mercury, lead, arsenic, fluoride, polyhydrocarbons, DDT, PCB’s, phthalates, PBA, saturated fats, trans fats, MSG, detergent and thousands of new chemicals are released every year, with thousands more awaiting FDA approval. The human body comes equipped with a highly effective detox system, a team of organs working together to eliminate the toxic waste of normal metabolism, such as uric acid, lactic acid, carbon dioxide, ammonia and homocysteine. Somehow it can even detoxify most of the modern chemicals. The problem is that when the detox organs get overwhelmed, toxins continue circulating and cause inflammation. As a defense, the body generates mucus to coat toxins and trap them in the tissues where they remain when digestion is kept working day in, day out. If they persist over time, toxin and mucus accumulation can cause increased acidity, malfunction and eventually the collapse of all systems, one by one. Global toxicity is enough to overflow the body’s detox capacity. Modern habits worsen the problem by keeping the detox process slow. All the different organs of the body need energy to function. Energy distribution has to be prioritized when many systems are being used at the same time or there won’t be enough. The body still gives priority to digestion over detox. For centuries, food was hard to come by. Only recently in evolution do we have food available and eat it 24/7, but our genes still act as if each feeding is the last meal and slow down everything else to concentrate on food. With digestion a full-time job, detox has to wait its turn while toxins keep coming in. Modern medicine is detox-blind. Even though this information could save your life, there are no medical specialists dedicated to detect and treat the effects of global toxicity. GOOP: How does the Clean Program help to remove these toxins? Is it different from the many other programs out there? Dr. Alejandro Junger: The human body is made of trillions of molecules, constantly reacting to each other in the chemistry of life. All these molecules go exactly where they need to go. An invisible intelligence is always there, trying to direct molecules in the right direction. There are two basic reasons why things go wrong at this level: * 1) Obstacles that interfere with the molecules that are moving (toxins) * * 2) The absence of one or more types of molecules (nutrients) needed for a chemical reaction on which normal function depends (nutrient depletions) When you remove the obstacles and you provide whatever is lacking, this invisible force reorders the molecules, restores function and symptoms disappear. That is exactly how the Clean Program works to restore the body’s natural ability to heal itself. The truth is that the “ability” to heal is never lost, and thus it doesn’t need to be restored. What gets restored are the conditions under which that ability is manifested. The Clean Program helps by: * 1) Reducing digestive work so detox can occur in full mode. The Clean Program eases digestion by providing two liquid meals a day and a solid one in between, eliminating allergenic and mucus-forming food, which frees up even more energy. * * 2) Protecting you from the damage of recirculating toxins. When digestion slows down, the detox signal goes off and the trapped toxins are released back into circulation. Suddenly you are more “toxic” than before starting. * * 3) Delivering all the specific liver detox nutrients that protect you from phase 1-phase 2 imbalances, another situation that may make you feel more toxic when detoxing. * * 4) Promoting gut repair. The gut is more complex than we imagine. Within it lives 80% of your immune system tissues. It also houses a nervous system that is physically larger than the one inside your skull and manufactures 90% of the serotonin in your body. The Clean Program is unique in addressing this issue. The combination of nutrients in the Clean Program is strategically designed to create the optimal conditions for gut repair, an issue missing from most popular detox programs. GOOP: What are some practical tips for a touch of Clean in our daily lives? Dr. Alejandro Junger: Remove, Restore, Rejuvenate. These are the three pillars of the Clean Program. The best, most effective way of getting Clean is to follow the program available at http://www.cleanprogram.com. But if you are not able to follow the full program, here are some tips that you can do at home and are organized in a highly effective way to restore your control of your health and avoid becoming a number in American statistics. Here are some practical tips to help you get started: * 1) REMOVE toxins: o • Avoid processed foods. o • Buy organic when possible. o • Buy eco-friendly cleaning products. o • Remove one or more of the foods that cause food allergies, sensitivities and are mucus-forming, such as dairy, bread, pasta, sugar, white rice and red meat. o • Remove the bad bacteria in your gut with plant and herbal antibacterials and use garlic, lemon, olive oil, oregano oil, thyme and cayenne pepper – all powerful natural antimicrobials. * 2) RESTORE what is lacking: o • Consume nutrient-rich foods (vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, legumes). o • Use supplements to boost availability of your specific depletions (the B vitamins are commonly depleted). o • Soak up some sun. Fifteen minutes of sun exposure a day will allow you to sustain better levels of vitamin D for bone strength and protection from cancer and depression. * 3) REJUVENATE your life: o • Get yearly tests for vitamin D, free T3, iodine reserves, heavy metal toxicity, CRP, thyroglobulin antibodies, magnesium and zinc – all of which are frequently absent from physical exams today. o • Make time for “detox-enhancing” habits such as sauna, massage, hot and cold baths, and skin brushing. All of these improve circulation and increase perspiration, which help fuel your body’s natural cleansing system. o • Most importantly, rest your mind. Meditate, even if for only five minutes a day. For more information: • Visit http://www.cleanrevolution.tv for educational videos. • Visit http://www.cleanprogram.com for the supplement-meal replacement kit, formulated with all natural nutrients of the highest quality. This is perfect for busy people with no time to prepare the recipes in the book, masterfully designed by Jill Pettijohn, live food chef, nurse and detox specialist. • Visit http://www.my.cleanprogram.com, an interactive web community where hundreds of people around the country and the world are doing the Clean Program together. You will be able to share your experience and tips and inspire others to get “Clean.”

wow....i've never seen a crowd like this!!!!!

;):):)

On the plane to Roskilde - we're meeting Chris in Denmark. See you when we're there... A http://twitpic.com/9e6l41 minute ago from Tweetie ahahaha he's not with them....where are you chris?????

i think he's with them...maybe he's late! i wanna see chri's picture fron the plane!!!!!

how beautiful these kids are???? moses is a real boy and the exactly copy of his dad now...and apple all dressed in pink!!!!!! beautiful!!!!

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aAtE8aSE1U]YouTube - Chris Martin (Coldplay) By h0w-tel.Skaii[/ame] how cute is the little boy!!!!! and....chris is so HOT

well what'x goin on???...chris is so tanned...but he is also very tired, exhausted.....:shocked2:

wow it's beautiful!!!!

With an afternoon off, Chris Martin and his Coldplay bandmates headed over to Vancouver's Scotia Bank Cineplex downtown to catch a matinee of Star Trek. On his way out, the singer ran into a fan, had a friendly conversation and invited her to the band's show that night at General Motors Place with the full VIP treatment. people.com

yeah...he is still sick....get well soon chris!

He did not wear the ring from late august/ september

oh my gods. it's scary...for a wrist all this anger??

I'm surprised she's in the Hamptons when they have a place in Manhattan, seems a helluva long way out for Chris to have to go every day when the rest of the band are based in NYC. ;):thinking:

CELEBRITIES and socials kicked off the East End summer without a recession care over Memorial Day Weekend. Things got wild Sunday night at Surf Lodge in Montauk, where Alexandra Richards deejayed for Eliza Dushku, chef Sam Talbot and Liam McMullan. Our source reports, "The whole crowd was dancing until late, and everyone was half-naked by the end of the night." Over at new outpost Montauk Yacht Club on Saturday, John Legend was spotted getting cozy with his model girlfriend, Chrissy Teigen. "She was rocking a pair of short shorts and sitting on his lap over lunch," said our tipster. Bethenny Frankel was there shilling her new book, "Naturally Thin." On Saturday, New York Ranger Sean Avery was playing doorman at East Hampton club Lily Pond. "Sean took over the door and was only letting in girls he deemed hot enough," said our spy. At newly opened club Georgica in East Hampton the same night, a Page Six witness spotted Brett Ratner "with a Megan Fox look-alike" and Stavros Niarchos holding court with "a crew of models." That same night, author Jay McInerney and his wife, Anne Hearst, hosted a dinner for 30 at their home in Water Mill. Le Bernardin chef/partner Eric Ripert and his wife, Sandra, fashion designer Nicole Miller and her husband, Kim Taipale, Rick and Kathy Hilton, Keith and Ann Barish, and Jonathan and Somers Farkas were all at the soiree, where men and women were separated into different rooms so "nobody would feel they were at the wrong table." In other holiday weekend boldface-partying, Anna Paquin hosted a bash for Hamptons Magazine at Day + Night Restaurant in Southampton; Kelly Killoren Bensimon threw herself a birthday party at her home in East Hampton; and Gwyneth Paltrow spent the weekend with Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld in Amagansett. new york post

wow lucyb...i've never seen this picture.....when was it?

hope it's not a fight between chris and jay- z. i'm confused

i hope it's not a fight between chris and jay- z. i'm confused

Yeah, I just posted in the Wembers thread, seems like they've fallen out and touring together is off... what?????????? what's happened??????

http://www.buzz103.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3711786 have you heard this? what happened with jay-z?

good choices gwyn!