Prince Myshkin

i have always been of the opinion that you should be able to laugh at anything i tell paedophile jokes and i was sexually abused as a child (not by anybody in my family - i say that just in case i ever say anything about my family on here and you automatically think that they are awful) i'd like to think i'd be able to find a little bit of humour in my mother's death. it's what she would want

hmmm i don't know whether to bring out the most offensive joke i've ever heard it's not offensive so to speak. it doesn't target a certain group specifically. well it kinda does. it's more distasteful

:laugh3:

:laugh3::laugh3: i love jokes about neighbouring countries

:laugh3: so are the estonians your biggest rivals then? ours are the scottish but i have no bad feeling towards them. they hate us though :P

i am too! but contributing to the joke thread is tiring me out

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time." She replied: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis. "

two dragons in a pub one says 'christ, it's hot in here' the other replies 'shut your mouth!'

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door, then to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him: "You were really drunk last night weren't you?" "Yeah, why? How do you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the pub."

I filled my car up with petrol the other day couldn't get in

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

A man walks into a bar. His trousers fall down.

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one

This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker/indicator worked. She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'

Two whales are sitting at a bar. The first whale says, "ooooooouuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooouuuu uuuuuuuuooooouuuaaa....... ooooooouuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuooooouuuaaaaaaaaa a..... ooooooOOOOuuuuAAAAAAAAAAAUUUuuuuaaaa...." and the second whale says, "Dude, you are so wasted."

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

:cool:

what kind of bees make milk? boo bees

i would also like to say that as far as i'm concerned marriage means fuck all when it comes down to it. it's a silly religious thing with good tax benefits or getting people citizenship to your country. nah, obviously it's more than that. it's a massive statement about your love and i myself want to get married someday, however if it comes to a point where there is no future ahead of you it means nothing and is simply a document that relates to the past when you loved each other. relationships evolve. your relationship means much more than a piece of paper and change of name.

1. it depends on the situation but with the seriousness that i regard my relationships infidelity is massive. there was a time when there was a chance i would let something slide but those years are behind me. i think it is natural for some people to flirt and so things like that i'm ok with, and you have to be kidding yourself if you don't think after a long time of being with you your partner won't have slight crushes on other people, but the key thing is that this is in their head and nowhere near as meaningful as the things they feel for you. 2. for me a kiss is really bad, but sex is a lot worse. kissing somebody else would still probably be worth a breakup (depending on circumstances - whilst others may disagree alcohol an be a mitigating circumstance) but sex definitely would definitely mean breaking up. there is plenty of time to assess exactly what is happening and to put a stop to it, whereas a kiss may catch them aware and only last a second or two. like i said i'm quite lax when it comes to my partners flirting. the reason behind this is i never want to encroach on my partners life too much. i want to be a part of it and not in control. they have to make their own decisions, and if their decisions put them in a position where they have broken our trust then that is their own fault and their has to be consequences for these actions such as a breakup. basically i give them as much freedom as they want, but i let them know that if they cross the line that will be that. 3. i have never cheated on anybody. i have broken up with somebody because i started liking somebody else and i have rejected advances from girls i really liked because i was with others. i have too much of a conscience to do that to somebody. 4. yes, my first two relationships i got cheated on but they were a long time ago. 5. there is always a slight chance things can work out and forgiveness found and trust regained, but generally speaking i'm quite harsh when it comes to infidelity. i need to totally trust and it just isn't worth the paranoia to stay with someone you don't trust. you have to look after number one. incidentally, this is just my views. it just depends what works best for you. as mentioned some people have open relationships and kudos to them, i just couldn't myself.

i agree with emma you are very pretty

i dunno, but i'm steering clear

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.