I saw your post a week ago but I was hesitating on posting a reply because I wanted to be as honest and as intimate as possible.
Now that I have some spare time and I can sit behind the keyboard relaxed, I can share my story with you, infact, all of you.
I'll try to be as short as possible so I won't make anyone of you tired but without skipping any key aspects.
So I've been battling with depression for over a decade now. In 2017 it got so bad that I attempted to take my life in a public space and people jumped on, stopped me, the authorities got involved etc. One of my best friends, a year prior to my attempt, booked for both of us tickets for the AHFODT in Munich with the promise that I would travel to Germany to see her and go together. Obviously all that happened before my mental health nose-dived almost a month prior to the show, so when she learned the news she knew I wouldn't make it. During the time of my deteriorating mental health I would listen on repeat the Kaleidoscope Interlude, Talk and Don't Panic in their Instrumental forms, which put me deeper and depper into depression. So after I failed on taking my life I was in a weird limbo state for a week or so. 2 weeks prior to the show, I wake up and I said "OK, now you know how rock bottom feels like, try something else now, just anything, ANYTHING" so I picked up the phone and I told my friend that I'm actually gonna come to Germany and we'll watch the show together. She just couldn't believe it, nor my parents, or my friends.
So I travel to Germany and we go to Olympia Stadium. The atmosphere was AMAZING, so warm, everyone in the crowd was so kind and we all felt like a family, I really felt like I was in heaven, like it was after life. The show started with "O mio babbino caro" which put me in a bittersweet mood and it ended with the BELIEVE IN LOVE lyric encore with pyrotechnics which made me reconsider the value of life. It was that moment my head for the first time tilted up! UP! I was looking for the first time up! I was crying after the show in a state of pure happiness, I couldn't put my feelings into words. For the next years I would slowly but increasingly get better. My friend and I would listen to Coldplay day and night and we would spend hours and hours of discussions with their albums playing on the background. Depression would creep in every now and then but it would eventually get better.
So this year I made some pretty bold decisions about my life since I would turn 30. I lost 24kg that I gained because of the antidepressants. I started to excercise. I worked ALOT. I fell in love for the first time with myself. It took me 30 years to fall inlove with myself. Everybody would notice the difference in me. But then my friend's health would deteriorate. My life got a little bit messed up at a point and it resulted me being too busy taking care of my life than contacting and taking care of her. So when I heard the news that Coldplay is going to drop a new single I was planning to get back to her and surprising her with it.
Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. My friend passed away the day that Orphans got released before I was able to speak to her. I was broken. It felt like my spirit and all the work I did the last 2 years has been demolished like a sand castle in a blink of an eye. The moment I heard the news I rushed to a common friend's house becauseonly he could understand my loss. In order to reach his house I had to use our Metro (subway) which regularly as most greek people around here know plays classical and orchestal music on the stations. So I get to the station and suddently "O mio babbino caro" starts to play. I closed my eyes, I started crying and I started praying "please make me open my eyes and be at the Coldplay concert, make this all be a nightmare, please I'd cut my hand off for this to be just a nightmare". Then the train came and I had to contain myself from the disappointment. Then I got the album and I felt numb, unable to feel, negative or possitive. I would constantly think what would my friend think ofthis and that track. Then it hit me! Music has power, but we are the ones that gives it a face and identity. I am the one that decided that the Instrumental versions of Kaleidoscope, Talk and Don't Panic depress me and chosen these versions instead of the hopefull lyrical messages their vocals versions have. I chose negativity instead of positivity. Maybe I can chose that about the new album too? Or maybe I could even choose happiness?! And then the words of Charlie Chaplin's speech from the Dictator movie included in the intro of the tour version of A Head Full Of Dreams hit me:
"You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure."
I will leave you with this my friend @I ran away !