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'Chip shop owner battered man' and 'For sale: 83 Ford Grandad' - a hilarious new book reveals the worst misprint howlers


By Martin Toseland

Last updated at 9:01 AM on 30th September 2008



Ironically, with increased use of computer 'spell-checkers', unintentionally funny misprints on restaurant menus, in books, newspapers and adverts are actually becoming more common.


MARTIN TOSELAND has collected some of the most amusing for a new book. . .




News in brief


The Irish Stammerers' Association will hold a seminar will hold a seminar entitled 'Aids for Stammerers' tonight. (The Irish Press)

People in Preston ward are invited to a meeting at 7.15pm tonight in St Mary's Church Hall, Brighton, to meet councillors and beat police officers. (Evening Argus)

The skeleton was believed to be that of a Saxon worrier. (Express and Echo)


Chance to win


Concert promoters MCP have donated three pairs of tickets for the Princes Hall show. All you have to do is answer the following question: With which band did Midge (Ure) have his first number one hit in 1976? Answers to: Ultravox Competition, The News, 4, High Street, Camberley, Surrey.


The strike leaders had called a meeting that was to have been held in a bra near the factory, but it was too small to hold them all. (South London Press)


One man was admitted to hospital suffering from buns. (Bristol Gazette)


Douglas Bader pub


A new public house at Martlesham, near Ipswich, has been named after Sir Douglas Bader, the RAF's legless wartime hero. (Daily Telegraph)


Londonderry Development Commission plans to spend about £24,000 on improving the standard of street fighting in the city centre and a number of housing estates. (Belfast Telegraph)


Cash plea to aid dyslexic cildren. (South Wales Evening Post)


Police in Hawick yesterday called off a search for a 20-year-old man who is believed to have frowned after falling into the swollen River Teviot. (The Scotsman)


article-1064513-02D7BCD500000578-850_233x358.jpg 013_30_12210304_1_2.jpg


Winners in the homemade claret section were Mrs Davis (fruity, well-rounded), Mrs Rayner (fine colour and full-bodied), and Miss Ogle-Smith (slightly acid, but should improve if laid down). (Leicestershire parish magazine)


Arthur Kitchener was seriously burned Saturday afternoon when he came in contact with a high-voltage wife.(Surrey Advertiser)


In our report of the Welsh National Opera's Cavalleria Rusticana and Pagliacci, the computer spellchecker did not recognise the term WNO (Welsh National Opera). A slip of the finger caused it to be replaced with the word 'winos'. (The Guardian)

An item which was deservedly appreciated and encored was Chopin's Pollonaise 'Sea Minor'. (Wexford Free Press)


Life and death


The first aid treatment for a broken rib is to apply a tight bandage after you have made your patient expire. (Manchester Evening News)


Hooper - Wilfred Harry. Loving memories of my dearest husband who passed away 15 June. It's a lovely life without you, and sad has been each day. (Northants Evening Telegraph)


Mr S. Butters for reasons of ill-health, is permanently discontinuing widow-cleaning. (Cambridgeshire Times)



Due to an error in transmission we stated in an inquest report on Saturday that Mrs Susannah Vincent, of Porth, was found dead with a bottle in her left hand and a plastic bag over her head. This should have read 'a Bible in her left hand'. We apologise for any distress caused to the family. (Swindon Evening Advertiser)


Error: The Observer wishes to apologise for a typesetting error in our Tots and Toddlers advertising feature last week which led to Binswood Nursery School being described as serving 'children casserole' instead of chicken casserole. (Leamington Spa Observer)


Due to a printing error, a story in last week's Gazette referred to athletics coach Billy Hodgins as an 'old waster'. This should, of course, have read 'old master'. We apologise to Mr Hodgins for any embarrassment caused.


The authorities at Ongar library have received a number of complaints about a card in the index file which read: SEX: SEE LIBRARIAN. This has been changed. The new entry reads: SEX: FOR SEX, ASK AT THE DESK. (Eastern Gazette)


In a recent report of a competition held at one of Pontin's holiday camps it was inadvertently stated that it was for 'elephant' grandmothers instead of elegant grandmothers. We apologise to Mrs Helen P-, who gained third place, for any embarrassment this may have caused. (Stockport Advertiser)


'The name of this column is still Corrections and Clarifications*, although it is not immune from error as the printed title in yesterday's paper demonstrated.' *The column appeared as Corrections and Clairifications.(The Guardian)




Children shot for Christmas in the home - Regent Photographic Studios. (Morecambe Visitor)

Lesbian, 35, non-smoker, loves horses seeks same for friendship. (Spare Rib)

Dog Kennel, suit medium-sized dog. Good condition. Very turdy. Buyer collects. £9.99. (Wisbech Standard)

article-1064513-02D7BCD900000578-752_233x247.jpg misprintgrandadsale.JPG


For sale: 83 Ford Grandad. (Express and Star, Wolverhampton)

Lady, 65, reasonable looks, medium build, 65, likes short walks, outings, the occasional drunk. (Westmorland Gazette)

Airedales - house-trained, safe with children, best protection against burglars or ladies living alone. (Dog World)

Male (24) seeks doom in central flat. Please phone 0141 xxxxx. (Edinburgh Evening News)

Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council: Crematorium assistant required. The Council operates a no-smoking policy. (Sheffield Star)



The bride was very upset when one of her little attendants accidentally stepped on her brain and tore it. (Kent Messenger)


On Monday, Councillor Thompson's son will be married to the eldest daughter of Councillor James. The members of the Corporation are invited to the suspicious event. (Suffolk newspaper)




Perhaps 24 hours of speculation about Johann Cruyff's future affected the great man. Most of his dazzling runs ended with well-timed tickles.(Scottish Daily Record)


The mystery fan behind the takeover bid for Port Vale today said he will pull out of the deal if his identity is revealed. It is understood Stone-based businessman Peter Jackson wants to remain anonymous until the contract is signed and sealed. (Staffordshire Sentinel)




Chip shop owner battered man. (Gateshead Post)


Schizophrenic killed herself with two plastic bags. (Milton Keynes Gazette)




Chocolate potato cake: 6oz margarine, 1oz cocoa, 4oz mashed potato, 5oz self-raising flour, 433 eggs size 3. (Woman's Weekly)


Heather Mills's charitable donations, recorded in the part of the divorce case judgment released to the public, £627,000 and not £627. (The Guardian)


In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.




Letchworth Spiritualist Church. An evening of Clairvoyance with Mr Deadman Saturday, July 27, at 7pm. (Stevenage Express)


With the Chief Constable will be Chief Superintendent Peter Skinner, and Chief Inspector G. Bollard of the traffic division. (Buckingham Advertiser)



From A Steroid Hit The Earth: The Catastrophic World Of Misprints by Martin Toseland, published by Portico Books on October 10 at £7.99. © Martin Toseland 2008. To order (p&p free), call 0845 155 0720.

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