I love this joke! It's pretty long but here it is...

 

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!!! Don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dailed it. A man answered nicely saying. "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hannifin and I could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robins corrected number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once again answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!"and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass" and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or having a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "Your're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller id.This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice. "Hello." I made a name up. "Hi, this is Mike Smith with the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller id program." He went, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said "Thats because you're a jackass!" The reason I took the time to tell you this storym is to show you how if theres ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial

823-4863.

 

Having A Bad Day Part 2

An old lady at the mall took a really long time pulling out of her parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally she got the car in reverse and began to move... very slowly backing out of the space. I backed up a little more to give her plently of room. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black camaro comes flying up the parking aisle and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn yelling, "You can't do that buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his camaro completely ignoring me. He walked towards the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guys a jackass, there sure are alot of jackasses in this world. Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple days later I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling "you're a jackass!"(It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dail.) I noticed the number of the guy with the black camaro lying on my desk and I thought I'd better call this guy too. After a couple of rings someone answered the phone, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black camaro for sale?" "Yes it is." " Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes I live at 1802 West 49th street. It's a yellow house and the cars parked right out front." I said, "Whats your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "Whens a good time to catch you Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, your a jackass!" And I slammed down the phone. After I hung up I added Don to my spped dialer. For a while, things seemed to be going well for me. Now when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution. First I had to call Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I yelled, "You're a jackass!" but I didn't hand up. The jackass said, "are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "Whats your name pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said, "Where do you live?" "1802 West 49th Street. It's a yellow house with a black camaro parked out front." "I'm coming over right now Don, you better start saying your prayers. "Yeah, like I'm really scared Jackass!" and I hung up. Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, Jackass!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are...." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt!" "Well heres your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 49th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down West 49th Street. After that I climbed in my car and head over to West 49th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious! Two jackasses kicking the crap out of each other infront of 6 squad cars, a police helicoptor and channel 13 news cameras!!! It was one of the greatest experiences of my life! Name withheld to protect the guilty.

 

:lol: I think that is so funny!

LOL thats hilarious! :lol:

:D yup

:lol: MG!! i cant believ i jus read that...im such a lzy arse...but that was deffo worth it!!!!!..GREAT! :D

lol yeah momo you WOULD like that wouldnt you!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: LMFAO!! i couldnt stopped laughing my dad came in and was like, Whats so funny?! And i showed him and he laughed so hard he cried, and was like, i wish i could come up with comthing like that! Print this out Julie!!

:D so happy to know you guys liked this so much! :)

I'm having the world's worst day EVER today but this one cheered me up and look, now I'm even smiling :)

 

Thanks for posting this.

i'm having a kinda bad day but that made me smile :) ;)

yah! now I'm happy! :) :D

anyone else have any jokes like that?

I received this in an email this morning......

 

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of

America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your

muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the

teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might

call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of

America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes

in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. The teller read the note and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the

man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was

waiting in line back at Bank of America.

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: what an arse!!!lol

:lol:

:lol: good one

I got more - anyone want more??????

:lol: yeah more!! :lol: :lol: ;)

*chants* we want more we want more...

we still want more!

*joins chanting, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh sorry wrong one... we want more*

:lol:

sorry to keep you waiting - have to sleep sometimes but here goes:

 

Idiot # 1

 

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

 

She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention

that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right

away.

 

:stunned: :stunned:

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Idiot # 2

 

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to

steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

 

and another one.............

 

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well. The cashier refused and said, "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: i like that last one!!! :lol: :lol: :rolleyes:

Yah....bad day when they charge you soooo much for the maintenance of your car and then they don't even fix what you asked them to check!

 

Now I have to call back and see what's up...sick of this! :angry:

funny jokes!!!

 

thats too bad about your car gvargas :(