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📡 HIGHER POWER MUSIC VIDEO OUT JUNE 8 📡

Crests of Daylight/Glacial Fox/Crests, Foaming at the Mouth


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I know right! I kept waking up in the middle of the night like "CAN NOT DEAL"

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This morning wasn't great. I had a scone. It got to half 4 and hadn't had anything else. I didn't even feel it. But seeing as I am supposedly teetering on underweight according to the bmi (which I know is not the best guide, but it helps to give me an idea), I shouldn't be losing weight D:

 

 

Also kind of undecided whether or not to give up alcohol. It always makes me get sick...

 

but the terrible thing is I don't mind getting sick. It is slightly embarrassing. Not to be mank, but it's never messy. I just tell my friends I'm going to the bathroom, I get sick, and then I get water and chewing gum.

 

 

 

And even worse, I like getting sick. I don't purge or anything! And after getting sick is the only time my stomach feels good.

 

 

 

 

 

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I have nothing but regrets

Well, you know this, it can be bad for your throat if it happens often. Have you tried different alcohols? Beer makes me really sick and wine, but liquor doesn't for some reason.

 

I wish they made a pill with enough calories for a meal and sold that. Quick and easy.

 

It's odd because I love to cook and eat, just that I can't eat much. At least it helps me from being overweight.

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I drink different things depending on my stomach and the night ahead :shrug: I have ciders if I know I'm only having one drink, and I'm having it slowly... I can have the same drink for 3 hours. Other than that rum is my go-to drink. (before my break from alcohol, and my worsening problems), I could have 4 or 5 drinks, no bother and there would be no major stomach pains. But I wouldn't feel drunk.

 

So yeah, I was a bit weary of my stomach, so I wouldn't drink too much ... and therefore not ever get drunk.

 

I'm not saying you should feel drunk. But fuck, why would I pay €4 extra for essentially nothing

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I might stick to weed maybe, or use it more often. Annoyingly my boyfriend was my main source of it, for the few times I could or he would allow me to have it. Why did he break up with me? For fuck sake :laugh3:

 

 

* would allow me sounds terribly controlling. I mean like during exam times and when I had tests to study for. He did it in a helping way, not a controlling way... so yeah.

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It's probably easier for me to get weed than xanax. Much easier, haha. I need something for stress though. I have started clenching my jaw like crazy again. I literally can't stop sometimes.

 

 

OOOOOH to add to my stress (even though I have a very stress free life)

I have decided to go to college in London. And or, go work in London maybe. I don't know. Probably college though.

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I'm jealous! When will you start?

 

 

I get way too anxious and clinch my jaw when i'm nervous, which is often, but not as much as when I was younger. Going so long without really being around people, besides in class, i'm kinda used to being alone now and not giving a damn anymore.

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Well not for a while, haha. But I like to plan things in advance. I have one year left of my current course. And then I have to work my ass off for at least two years before I can afford to go. The college course costs £9,000. Rent on top of that would be like £110 a week (if I'm lucky), and then living costs, travel costs...etc.

SO YEAH. a lot of work. But I really want to do it, so I feel like I would be motivated enough to save up.

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I asked Johanna for advice for like houses and stuff, and she said student loans too. I literally didn't even think of that :laugh3:

I'm still young. I don't mind working for a few years to earn the money. And then I won't be paying interest. Plus, I could learn a few things from working I guess :shrug:

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Just cash in hand kind of jobs. Like I work at a market stall every saturday selling cakes. It's for a proper company, and not just a random lady who likes to bake :laugh3: look at how awesome their stuff is http://www.bitesize.ie/ They also do catering, so they call me in for that when they need more people for waitressing.

 

Like a payslip, p45, tax and shit kind of job.... nope :uhoh:

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