What Would You Do?

[The Red Army]

So this is my first time posting here on this part of the Coldplaying forums.

 

This is gonna be somewhat long.

 

So, I'm 24 by the way.

 

About a year and a half ago, I used to have a fling with this girl that I really liked. We used to hang out and do our thing for a couple months. At first, it was casual, but then I actually started to like her and she felt a little of the same (from the vibes I could pick up). We talked on the daily for a few months straight. Drank with her, got high with her and all of the above. One thing I should say, is that though we had our sexual encounters, we never had sex. Moving on, one night, we were in the club, doing our usual thing and she pulled me to the side and said she wasn't interested in anything long term. At the time I was semi-dissapoint, but still feeling allright that we had our time together.

 

About a couple weeks later, she msgs me for an invite to her bday party and she said shes bringing her boyfriend. I didn't want to look like I was jealous or shocked (I was shocked to be honest), so I didn't really give her an answer right away. She never really told me when she hooked up with said boyfriend and when they started dating.

 

As the weeks and months passed by, we obviously talked less, but she would still send texts saying she misses me, and how I am being MIA etc. In a sense, I was being MIA because I didn't want to be hanging out with her while she is dating with some other guy. Felt too weird, pretty much the friend zone.

 

More months pass on, and we have the occasional talk here and there, I never really initiated the talks, she would most of the time message me just to say whats up and everything. In that time period, I was still having a couple flings here and there (each lasting about a month-ish) but they were never had that same feeling as the first girl.

 

About a month ago, she was on vacation in Cancun with her boyfriend, and she would message me saying "I wish you were here instead". These types of text messages. I asked her about that and she brushed it off saying she was drunk when she typed it. Whenever we talk, she never mentions her boyfriend as well.

 

So, currently, she hits me up again, saying how she misses talking to me etc., and wants to hang out and have dinner. She is still going out with said boyfriend and is not single. Should I bother going to dinner with her and hanging out with her on a somewhat regular basis because everytime I see her and speak to her, old feelings come up and I want more (knowing full well that she is already in a relationship).

 

For the most part, I am over her and don't think about her, but every now and then, the thought pops up - Was she the one? (or a potential one)

 

Anyways, anyone have past experience in this?

 

Should I bother hanging out with her? (to be honest, I don't really see the point, but she stressing to meet up)

 

Thanks to whoever does respond.

[Reilly]

It depends on whether or not you value her as a friend, it sounds like from your post (Correct me if I'm wrong) that it's almost like, is there any point chasing this girl when she has a boyfriend?

 

Like I don't really see what difference it makes if you've "moved on" or not, she has a boyfriend regardless, if you still like her as a friend in your life and you feel you care about her then of course you should see her- as a friend. But to me that seems like an obvious answer.

 

Just took a second to brief over your post and THIS stood out:

 

Should I bother hanging out with her? (to be honest, I don't really see the point, but she stressing to meet up)

 

Well no, of course not then. If you don't see the point then you don't care, so don't waste her time being insincere. Its better she gets disappointed by being ignored then feeling like a charity case. And from your perspective, also it's totally pointless.

[The Red Army]

It depends on whether or not you value her as a friend, it sounds like from your post (Correct me if I'm wrong) that it's almost like, is there any point chasing this girl when she has a boyfriend?

 

Like I don't really see what difference it makes if you've "moved on" or not, she has a boyfriend regardless, if you still like her as a friend in your life and you feel you care about her then of course you should see her- as a friend. But to me that seems like an obvious answer.

 

Just took a second to brief over your post and THIS stood out:

 

 

 

Well no, of course not then. If you don't see the point then you don't care, so don't waste her time being insincere. Its better she gets disappointed by being ignored then feeling like a charity case. And from your perspective, also it's totally pointless.

 

Hmm, to be fair to your point, I do care about her and enjoy talking to her when we do speak (I would never treat her as a charity case, even if I wasn't into meeting her). But she is more a part of my past, than my current life.

 

It's not even about chasing her, really. I'm fine with the fact she has a boyfriend, but by meeting her and having dinner with her, it just conjures up old feelings. In a sense, I can't see myself being just 'friends' with her.

 

So, I'm thinking of meeting up with her this one time, see how the vibe is. And after that, if I can't really see myself being a sincere friend, then I will let bygones be bygones.

[Reilly]

OK I understand, the topic post sortof gave the impression that you don't really care an awful lot for her now.

 

It's awkward with friendships like that, or worse with an ex-girlfriend, because if you aren't in the same circle of friends, then seeing them one-on-one and going to that effort, it just feels really odd, I know where you're coming from.

 

Sorry for mis-understanding, you do care about her but maybe not to the extent that you want her in your life all of the time, and yeah I agree, it might be fun to see her again, the only problem is that the same situation will probably happen again if she insists on meeting you again, you might need to talk about that. Some friendships drift away conveniently and naturally, sometimes you need to awkwardly break it off.

 

Good luck.

[rainplay]

Hang out with her if you want her as a friend!

 

But I think she still likes you, maybe just a little bit. If she didn't, she wouldn't have texted you and said she missed you and wanting to hang out...Unless she's really just a guys girl, I don't really have that many friends who are straight guys, it just doesn't work.. If you go meet with her, you should be like " Oh, is it okay if I bring my girlfriend?" That's what I'd do.

 

Also, don't be too eager sounding to hang out. Be more aloof and disconnected, it'll make her think!

[The Red Army]

OK I understand, the topic post sortof gave the impression that you don't really care an awful lot for her now.

 

It's awkward with friendships like that, or worse with an ex-girlfriend, because if you aren't in the same circle of friends, then seeing them one-on-one and going to that effort, it just feels really odd, I know where you're coming from.

 

Sorry for mis-understanding, you do care about her but maybe not to the extent that you want her in your life all of the time, and yeah I agree, it might be fun to see her again, the only problem is that the same situation will probably happen again if she insists on meeting you again, you might need to talk about that. Some friendships drift away conveniently and naturally, sometimes you need to awkwardly break it off.

 

Good luck.

 

Yeah, I totally agree with the bolded part and with some friendships drifting away conveniently and some awkwardly. In my case, it may be the latter.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[The Red Army]

Hang out with her if you want her as a friend!

 

But I think she still likes you, maybe just a little bit. If she didn't, she wouldn't have texted you and said she missed you and wanting to hang out...Unless she's really just a guys girl, I don't really have that many friends who are straight guys, it just doesn't work.. If you go meet with her, you should be like " Oh, is it okay if I bring my girlfriend?" That's what I'd do.

 

Also, don't be too eager sounding to hang out. Be more aloof and disconnected, it'll make her think!

 

lol. At this point in my 'friendship/relationship' with her, I'd rather not play games and mess with her mind.

 

Been there and done that in the past with some other girls, and it never really worked out well for me.

 

But I will meet up with her and see what she has to say.

 

I do agree that it can be hard for a girl to have straight guys as friends and vice versa. Most of the time, proximity leads to a lot of relationships from what I have seen.

[Reilly]

If you go meet with her, you should be like " Oh, is it okay if I bring my girlfriend?" That's what I'd do.

 

That is game-playing, which I don't recommend in any part of a relationship OR friendship (Maybe, just maybe in some extreme circumstances) but definitely not at a point where you've known someone a long enough time and should to an extent be trustful and honest with them, not fuck with them just to see their reaction.

 

Regardless of whether or not she's done the same thing on purpose (Which we don't know she has) just be the bigger person.

[Cobalt]

I recently had a sort of one-on-one hangout thing where my ex and I had a pizza dinner even though I'm going out with my current boyfriend. However in that case we've clearly set boundaries since our breakup, because we both wanted to remain good friends, and the context was clearly just hanging out as mates.

 

However it's obviously more difficult in this case because your friend is also crossing that line with messages and things. Do you feel comfortable to go to this dinner?

[Kiame]

From what you've told us so far, she doesn't sound like someone who would be a very good girlfriend and it sounds like you two have too much history to just be friends. Those texts she sent you were inappropriate.

 

Good luck with it all anyway.

[Empily]

Maybe you should meet up but tell her to bring her boyfriend. That way you're not going to try it on with her, and she's not going to try it on with you and you can just have a meal as friends.

 

Just a suggestion :P That might be too awkward for you.

[The Red Army]

I recently had a sort of one-on-one hangout thing where my ex and I had a pizza dinner even though I'm going out with my current boyfriend. However in that case we've clearly set boundaries since our breakup, because we both wanted to remain good friends, and the context was clearly just hanging out as mates.

 

However it's obviously more difficult in this case because your friend is also crossing that line with messages and things. Do you feel comfortable to go to this dinner?

 

Yeah, comfortable enough to go one time and then, depending on how it goes, take it from there.

 

Talked to her today, going to go see her next weekend.

[The Red Army]

From what you've told us so far, she doesn't sound like someone who would be a very good girlfriend and it sounds like you two have too much history to just be friends. Those texts she sent you were inappropriate.

 

Good luck with it all anyway.

 

Thanks.

[The Red Army]

Maybe you should meet up but tell her to bring her boyfriend. That way you're not going to try it on with her, and she's not going to try it on with you and you can just have a meal as friends.

 

Just a suggestion :P That might be too awkward for you.

 

Haha. Yes, that would be too cringe-worthy of a dinner.

[Reilly]

Maybe you should meet up but tell her to bring her boyfriend. That way you're not going to try it on with her, and she's not going to try it on with you and you can just have a meal as friends.

 

Just a suggestion :P That might be too awkward for you.

 

Nah that just sounds like he's trying to arrange a threesome, and I KNOW that was your intention Empily.

 

Also this thread title now reminds me of this:

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17FBIoOJOhg]Team America - What would you do - YouTube[/ame]

[ashleyMN28]

If I were you, I would just be up front with her. Tell her that the fact that she has a boyfriend and didn't tell you was very awkward for you. And I agree with everyone else. She shouldn't have sent you those texts. ...Don't play games right along with her, just tell her you don't wanna hang out with her anymore. She doesn't sound like she has great girlfriend potential. Hope you find someone else soon that treats you better. :)

[rainplay]

lol. At this point in my 'friendship/relationship' with her, I'd rather not play games and mess with her mind.

 

That is game-playing, which I don't recommend in any part of a relationship OR friendship (Maybe, just maybe in some extreme circumstances) but definitely not at a point where you've known someone a long enough time and should to an extent be trustful and honest with them, not fuck with them just to see their reaction.

 

You guys are no fun.