this monologue just came-up on my yahoo launchcast radio, so i thot may be someone, somewhere, wrote it all down. i was right! just one search on google came up with a 'load' of this...enjoy!

 

but beware, it's really really Rated-R, NOT FOR CHILDREN!

 

 

if you get offended by explicit sexual words, you should not read further!

 

(although i've seen Ian use the f-word in here a lot! lol) and others use it too....but i'm just doing a cut-and-paste job below...

http://www.conspiracyplanet.com/channel.cfm?channelid=104&contentid=554&page=1

 

Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf

George Carlin

 

History Lesson - I'd like to talk a little about that 'war' we had in the

Persian Gulf. Remember that? The big war in the Persian Gulf? Lemme tell you

what was goin' on.

 

Naturally, you can forget all that entertaining fiction about having to

defend the model democracy those lucky Kuwaitis get to live under. And for

the moment you can also put aside the very real, periodic need Americans

have for testing their new weapons on human flesh. And also, just for the

fun of it, let's ignore George Bush Sr.'s obligation to protect the oil

interests of his family and friends. There was another, much more important,

consideration at work. Here's what really happened.

 

Dropping a Load for Uncle Sam.

 

The simple fact is that America was long overdue to drop high explosives on

helpless civilians; people who have no argument with us whatsoever. After

all, it had been awhile, and the hunger gnaws. Remember that's our

specialty: picking on countries that have marginally effective air forces.

 

Yugoslavia is another, more recent example.

 

Surfing Unnecessary

 

But all that aside, let me tell you what I liked about that Gulf War: it was

the first war that appeared on every television channel, including cable.

 

And even though the TV show consisted largely of Pentagon war criminals

displaying maps and charts, it got very good ratings. And that makes sense,

because we like war. We're a warlike people. We can't stand not to be

fucking with someone. We couldn't wait for the Cold War to end so we could

climb into the big Arab sandbox and play with our nice new toys. We enjoy

war.

 

And one reason we enjoy it is that we're good at it. You know why we're good

at it? Because we get alot of practice. This country is only 200 years old,

and already we've had ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty

years, So we're good at it!

 

And it's just as well we are, because we're not very good at anything else.

Can't build a decent car anymore. Can't make a TV set, a cell phone, or a

VCR. Got no steel industry left. No textiles. Can't educate our young

people. Can't get health care to our old people. But we can bomb the shit

outta your country, all right. We can bomb the shit outta your country!

 

If You're Brown, You're Goin Down

 

Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that, don't

we? That's our hobby now. But it's also our new job in the world: bombing

brown people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You got some brown people in

your country? Tell 'em to watch the fuck out, or we'll goddamn bomb them!

 

Well, who were the last white people you can remember that we bombed? In

fact, can you remember any white people we ever bombed? The Germans! That's

it! Those are the only ones. And that was only because they were tryin' to

cut in on our action. They wanted to dominate the world.

 

Bullshit! That's our job. That's our fuckin' job.

 

But the Germans are ancient history. These days, we only bomb brown people.

And not because they're cutting in our action; we do it because they're

brown. Even those Serbs we bombed in Yugoslavia aren't really white, are

they? Naaah! They're sort of down near the swarthy end of the white

spectrum. Just brown enough to bomb. I'm still waiting for the day we bomb

the English. People who really deserve it.

 

A Disobediant American

 

Now you folks might've noticed, I don't feel about that Gulf War the way we

were instructed to feel about it by the United States government. My mind

doesn't work that way. You see, I've got this real moron thing I do, it's

called 'Thinking'. And I guess I'm not a very good American, because I like

to form my own opinions; I don't just roll over when I'm told. Most

Americans roll over on command. Not me, There are certain rules I observe.

 

Believe You Me

 

My first rule: Never believe what anyone in authority says. None of them.

Government, Police, clergy, the corporate criminals. None of them. And

neither do I believe anything I'm told by the media, who, in the case of the

Gulf War, functioned as little more than unpaid employees of the Defense

Department, and who, most of the time, operate as unofficial public

relations agency for the government and industry.

 

I don't believe in any of them. And I have to tell you, folks, I don't

really believe very much in my country either. I don't get all choked up

about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave

them to the symbol-minded.

 

Show us your Dick

 

I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I see it largely

as an exercise in dick-waving. That's really all it is: alot of men standing

around in a field waving their dicks at one another. Men, insecure abuot the

size of their penises, choose to kill one another.

 

That's also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all about, and what that

macho, male posturing and strutting around in bars and locker rooms

represents. It's called 'dick fear.' Men are terrified that their dicks are

inadequate, and so they have to 'compete' in order to feel better about

themselves. And since war is the ultimate competition, essentially men are

killing one another in order to improve their genital self-esteem.

 

You needn't be a historian or a political scientist to see the Bigger Dick

Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like this: 'What? They have bigger

dicks? Bomb them!' And of course, the bombs, the rockets, and the bullets

are all shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There's an unconscious need to

project the national penis into the affairs of others. It's called 'fucking

with people'

 

Show us your Bush

 

So as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian Gulf was nothing

more than one big dick-waving cockfight.

 

In this particular case, Saddam Hussein questioned the size of George Bush's

dick. And George Bush had been called a wimp for so long, he apparently felt

the need to act out his manhood fantasies by sending America's white

children to kill other people's brown children.

 

Clearly the worst kind of wimp.

 

Even his name, 'Bush', as slang, is related to the genitals without being

the genitals.

 

A bush is sort of a passive, secondary sex characteristic. It's even used as

a slang term for women: 'Hey, pal, how's the bush in this area?'

 

I can't help thinking, if this president's name had been George

Boner...well, he might have felt a little better about himself, and he

wouldn't have had to kill all those children. Too bad he couldn't locate his

manhood.

 

Premature Extraction

 

Actually, when you think about it, this country has had a manhood problem

for some time. You can tell the language we use; language always gives us

away. What did we do wrong in Vietnam? We 'pulled out'! Not a very manly

thing to do. No. When you're fucking people, you're supposed to stay with it

and fuck them good; fuck them to death; hang in there and keep fucking them

until they're all fucking dead.

 

But in Vietnam what happened was by accident we left a few women and

children alive, and we haven't felt good about ourselves since.

 

That's why in the Persian Gulf, George Bush had to say, 'This will not be

another Vietnam.' He actually said, 'this time we're going all the way.'

 

Imagine. An American president using the sexual slang of a thirteen-year-old

to describe his foreign policy.

 

And, of course, when it got right down to it, he didn't 'go all the way.'

Faced with going into Baghdad he punked out. No balls. Just Bush.

 

Instead, he applied sanctions, so he'd be sure that an extra half a million

brown children would die. And so his oil buddies could continue to fill

their pockets.

 

If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf, just remember the

first names of the two men who ran that war: Dick Cheney and Colin Powell.

 

Dick and Colon.

 

Someone got fucked in the ass.

 

And those brown people better make sure they keep their pants on, because

Dick and Colin have come back for an encore.

certainly, Weedy would agree with George Carlin about how 'men' (and not women) like to fight wars! :sneaky:

:lol:

:cool:

apparently nobody found this funny! :dozey:

I was gonna read it but it's too long...me lazy today..... :/

:stunned: i guess everyone in here is too lazy to read that long!

I'm a kiddo and didn't read it. :)

:lol: :lol: come on! you probably go see all those movies which have worse actions and dialogue! :sneaky:

:lol: Very true...to be perfectly honest I'm just way too lazy to read that whole thing right now. But I will eventually! :D

you can give it a start...the thing practically reads itself! :D :P

Yeah but it's like 2 years long :lol:

:P :P

noni's one is long too...! :wink3: :P

Yes but it's about sex :lol: :wink3:

so is this one...actually! :idea2: really!

:)

:lol: :lol: :lol: You changed the title you liitle sneak! :sneaky:

((((((((Jess)))))))))

but if you read it, you'll know it's about sex, too! :wink3: :D

(((((SteveRay))))))

 

It is? Hmmmm I'm intrigued now :lol:

I'm a kiddo and didn't read it.

i didn't know i was dealing with a child in here! :stunned: :sneaky:

:lol:

* reading *

 

but it's too long :rolleyes:

^well keep reading, and then tell us what it was about :) :lol: :lol: :lol: ;)

you'll have to wait cause i stop reading :P

:(

george carlin is brilliant!

 

i love him. :lol: