maxie1p

ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course, the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG....??? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master. Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" "" ! ! ! ! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened" looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments. The dog is okay. . .doing fine.

A photo from my vacation to Antarctica

Here Julia.....a little bit of ska for you: http://homepage.mac.com/spypost/DesmondDekker-KingOfSka.mp3 http://www.barrygreenstein.com/Israelites.mp3 http://www.ia.daunsdolls.com/Joe/The%20Specials%20-%20Ghost%20Town.mp3 http://songs.projo.com/music/bands/uploads/hepcat/hepcat_-_the_wave_3.mp3

A pic of me and my Dad...last Christmas

Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store waiting on his wife to shop? (This is taken from an actual letter) Dear Mrs. Fenton, Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3' in Housewares!"..... and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department, and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the Bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" ....and; last, but not least 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Don't worry Julia....I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 21....the age doesn't matter. To me it's all about the maturity in people. I have dated women as much as 20 years older than me. If they make you happy and you get that warm feeling inside from being with them.....then go for it.:pleased:

Not really a joke....but a very funny video....too bad it doesn't have sound... It's called 'How not to rob a liquor store' http://www.glumbert.com/media/badrobber

Ahhh yes....communication is the key...physical or emotional...... and btw the name is Chris:wink2:

01. Damien Rice - 9 02. Keane - Under the Iron Sea 03. Bob Dylan - Modern Times 04. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium 05. Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am,That's What I'm Not 06. Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere 07. Flaming lips - At War With the Mystics 08. Isobel Campbell / Mark Lanegan - Ballad of the Broken Seas 09. Snow Patrol - Eyes Open 10. The Streets - The Hardest Way to Make An Easy Living 11. Justin Timberlake - Future Sex/Lovesounds 12. The Frames - The Cost 13. Ben Harper - Both Sides of the Gun 14. John Legend - Once Again 15. Ray Lamontagne - 'Til the Sun Turns Black 16. John Mayer - Continuum 17. Lady Sovereign - Public Warning 18. Under the Influence of Giants - Under the Influence of Giants 19. Mat Kearney - Nothing Left to Lose 20. Widespread Panic - Earth to America 21. Thom Yorke - Eraser 22. James Morrison - Undiscovered 23. Joshua Radin - We Were Here 24. Corrine Bailey Rae - Corrine Bailey Rae 25. Jay-Z - Kingdom Come

Well, Julia, I'm afraid that the last sentence was a sarcastic statement . I didn't think that what I had done was that bad. It really was a crush. Thinking back, I remember accusations of the fact that I was overly flirtatious with my co-workers, or that I had been seeing someone on the side. I really think that she was subliminally letting me know what she had done. Trying to put guilt on me for her infidelities. I really took it hard....for a long time after we had split I wouldn't even get online. I immersed myself in my work because I felt so guilty about what I had done to ruin our marriage. The truth was she had been seeing people for a long time before I started anything online. I think that when she found out, that she had a golden opportunity to knock me down. Hindsight is 20/20.....No, I don't think that i would've kept the online romance going. After some friends convinced me that I needed to pull myself together, I slowly began dating and meeting people...both in person and online....like you said there are 2 worlds for me too, virtual and real. Coldplaying.com is a safe-haven for me to escape the pressures of daily life. I think it gives me an opportunity to meet some really great people. And although I am currently in a happy relationship, my girlfriend knows that I come on here and the main reason is my love of Coldplay.....she's a myspaceaholic....(not knocking it---just not for me). As for any online crushes.....I think that everyone on this site is pretty hot.:wink3: COLPLAYING.COM RULES!!!!!!!

Okay...my 2 cents worth..... I was married for a couple of years and after about a year and a half I started talking to someone online. I felt more comfortable speaking to this girl online than I did to my own wife. I could actually be more open to the online girl than the wife....not in a perverted way...just talking. We e-mailed , IM'd, and spoke w/ mikes. We never arranged to meet....I never had those intentions. She was a friend. I believe now it was more or less a crush. My wife at the time found out about it and was furious....rightfully so, but, we never had any physical contact. I masked the fact that I was married, because in my eyes , I was never going to meet her. I contacted my online "lover" and told her about the problems that our relationship had caused. I felt really bad about the situation and ended the online "romance." I kept getting e-mails and IM's...then they slowed down....then there was nothing. About 5 years ago I got an e-mail from her....she had just taken a chance to see if I was still around. She was getting married and sent me some photos. I never responded back to her. It was a crush. Only a crush Anyway, my marriage ended not because of my online indiscretions, but because of her physical romance with a co-worker......and I was sooooooo wrong for doing what I did.

A pic of my roomies:

Santana-Europa

7.5

5

what source are your figures from?

An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms. a fine mess a little big a new classic absolutely unsure abundant poverty accidentally on purpose accurate stereotype act naturally adult children advanced beginner aging yuppie alone together almost always almost perfect appear invisible arid ocean awfully nice big baby bittersweet blinding light black light clearly ambiguous confirmed rumor consistently inconsistent constant change constant variable cruel kindness current history dangerously safe deafening silence (& loud silence etc.) definite maybe deliberate mistake deliberately thoughtless detailed summary elevated subway exact estimate false positive found missing forever's end forward lateral friendly fire genuine imitation (& genuine replica, etc.) guest host (and permanent guest host, a rare "triple" oxymoron) holy hell idiot savant instrumental song instant classic jogging stroller justifiable paranoia larger half limited omniscience linear curve liquid gas living dead local long_distance mindless thinking modest magnificence Noise music only choice open secret original copy plastic silverware (or golden silverware, wooden silverware) power nap random order ****** <My fave********* rolling stop (driving) scatter-hoarder solid gold plated stopmotion suicide victim sweet and sour sweet sorrow synthetic natural gas tight slacks timeless moment true lies unborn baby virtual reality

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back... Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... including the curtain rods...

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape. "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline. The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan). That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm. "Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes." "No problem," he says. And in they go. The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet. So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word. "Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence. Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?" "No," replies the greeter. "I just can’t believe you got laid twice."

6

A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING: I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. .... without you in it. DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven't had a fight in a while. NO, PIZZA'S FINE. .... you cheap slob! I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. I just don't want you as a boyfriend now. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? I can't believe you have nothing planned. COME HERE. My puppy does this, too. I LIKE YOU, BUT... I don't like you. YOU NEVER LISTEN. You never listen. I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE. I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will. OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch. OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!! Well, near there; I just want to get this over with. I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.