Ok......I know there are similar threads to this one.....but I have to create it now because I'm really upset....

 

It all happened this morning.....

 

When I woke up I thought "Ok I'll get up early today so I can do my newspaper round this morning....and then I have more time this afternoon to learn for the history test I'm going to have tomorrow (which is impotant to me)"

So I got up......at 8:45am........

I hurried to get dressed etc......

and wwnt ut of the house at 10:00am......

I thought "Hey cool now you will finish it maybe even this morning".....

I took my bike was almost away and then.....

My mum opened the window and screamed:

"hey Julia,why do you have to do it just now.....can't you wait until 10:30am when all people are in church?Now they are on their way to church etc....."

I thought I didn't hear right......

I have to plan my day not like i want but as people of my village want it!

They could see me NOT going to church and doing something else!Whaaaaaa......

People could talk bad about me.....AND my mum.....that's why she didn't want me to go.....

 

I'm a bad,bad rebel and stupid as i am I went to our house again......and screamed....and was angry....etc......

You'll ask now:

Why didn't you go?

 

Well good question.....

My mum also asked me this.....

I was just so upset about this conservative church community.....that you are not free in deciding what to do when....

so i cried....

My mum said I'm mad....because I said I don't care but obviously I did care....

I was just so disappointed and angry about this damn village where everybody knows everybody......

You have to be careful in what you do....god.......

 

I always was someone of those people who didn't think in a bad way about church and catholic believe and catholic community......but this view changed today.....

My sister thinks like I think now since some years.....

I always said:

"Come on it's not THAT bad"

 

But I think she is right......my dad also thinks like that.....

 

I think people like my mum who were brought up stricter catholic are educated different and more old-fashoned than we are today.....

But those people can't accept it....we are another geneation....

and not living in the past anymore.....

 

Me as a 18 year old girl.....I have more things to do at the weekend than going to church...I have to plan my day exactly because of work and school.....it's not like when my mum was a teenager and chruch was one of the main priorities in life......

but those people can't accept it.....

And they shouldn't be surprised if more and more young people think bad about church.....

They have to change something here.....especially in those little church communities......

otherwise church won't have a future......and it's not just OUR fault!

of course you should choose what you want to do,but if you would go to church you wouldn't lose anything.so go to church isn't a big tradegy.it's not a tragedy at all.no offence but if you live with your parents you should honor them and at least do some things what they want,because maybe they think it's better for you.

and young people think "bad" about church because they are influenced by TV,media,drugs in my opinion,they have another interests.

that sucks julia! i would hate to live in a village like that, so weird...

Well....the respect for my mum is not the point.....I think it is one of the reasons I didn't go.....and waited.....

what makes me so upset is that not my um plans my day.....no.....that somehow have to plan my day so that other people in my village won't see me in maybe "sining" and doing other things than going to church....and then they'll talk bad about me....that's the point.....if my mum says at a saturday evening to me it would be great fi I would go to church on sunday then I would do that.......that's not the problem.....

The problem is that you are not anonymous here.....and not free in deciding what to do somehow.....

And that people in my village not seem to accept that generations change....

Yeah....ok....ok.....

 

I had thi argue with my mum just some minutes ago....

She said she was angry about my rude behavious towards her when I waited....

I said I was angry about the thing I wrote here with the people,the church,the opinion of my mum....

So we discussed....but two different topics....

We were both in rage and screamed and cried.....etc....but at least about two different things....

I told her that I waited here becuse of repsect for her...

But she said if I had respect i wouldn't have behaved that rude towards her and would have gone....

 

In the end I said that's I'm maybe that upset about the whole situation because I'm angry about myself....

Yeah.....because I'm ambivalent....because this ws again a situation i didn't stand my opinion....I was influenced by her advice...and stayed at home....but actually I didn't want to stay at home....

and all this made me upset.....

But I stayed at home because I don't want people to talk about me....

But then I don#t care becuase I don't want people to plan my day....

God I'm confused......

All this state of mind is bringing me down....

I can't do something against it....

And I told this also my mum...

But if I told my family it's because I'm ambivalent or something like that they would say:

"You are stupid....just stupid and not Ambi...whatever...!"

great.......

God.........I don#t want to know what will happen in the future with this....CONFUSION!