The other day happened something that made me think about this topic: there is no person who we can share everything that we would like to.

I was at uni, doing the lessons, but between one lesson and the next one we’ve 10min of break. I was talking to my friends and having fun, as always, and suddenly, one of them become to cry. We didn’t even realize about it, ‘cause it was so unexpected... all of us seemed to be so great, but she wasn’t, though. She is quite open-minded and seems to be one of those persons who have achieved almost everything she’s intented to so it was strange for us to see her in that state of mind. We asked her what was wrong, and with tears in her eyes, she told us that she has always felt weirdo, that she expected too much of everything and the last thing, - but the most important – that she wanted to find someone who she could share everything – I’m not refering to a bf, but a friend -.

We tried to convince her it wasn’t impossible to meet someone like this. It doesn’t exist people who feels every single thing of life just like us and have the same thoughts.

I told her: you’ll NEVER find a friend which you could share everything, you only will find friends which you can share only a little part of you.

 

I’ve always had the theory which say that nobody can’t really know you completely – just ‘cause you can't share everything - and that fact confirmed it more.

I think you're right here. There's always things you won't tell a person even if you love someone and think you can almost talk about anything. There's always a part of your personality which is hidden from them.

 

Still I don't think she meant that... maybe she does have friends who she likes, but she doesn't have anyone with whom she can really talk about her feelings. I mean there are different kind of friends, some like those at school, you talk to them and have a good time together, but there's hardly any of them I would talk to if I had a real problem. There are very few people I completely trust...

exactly! I'm not sure if this happens 'cause our "safety". Sometimes I think it could be better to know someone whom we could share most of things but other times... would be "dangerous" that someone would know about us too much?!

 

She has her best friend - a very good one - who comes with her almost everywhere and they spend a lot of time together, and of course they talk about their feelings. They have a really close friendship.

I suppose you were talking about friends whom you only share with them the studies question... but it isn't her case. That's why I was a bit astounned about her reaction.

 

Anyway, what you said: "there are very few people who I completely trust"...

I just feel the same, too.

exactly! I'm not sure if this happens 'cause our "safety". Sometimes I think it could be better to know someone whom we could share most of things but other times... would be "dangerous" that someone would know about us too much?!

 

Yeah I think so... there's just thing's I wouldn't talk about. Not because I dont trust this person or anything, just because I wanna keep it secret.

 

But if someone, who you really trusted disappoints you, you regret the things you told that person a lot. That happend to me about three years ago with my best friend. I was always afraid she would tell some 'secret' things I told here.. I don't think she ever did. But still I felt very bad about it.

 

She has her best friend - a very good one - who comes with her almost everywhere and they spend a lot of time together, and of course they talk about their feelings. They have a really close friendship.

I suppose you were talking about friends whom you only share with them the studies question... but it isn't her case. That's why I was a bit astounned about her reaction.

 

No, I mean people you also meet after school or uni, people with whom you sometimes go out and tell them about your life, but still there's a lot of thing which you wouldnt tell them, because they arent close friends.

Yeah I think so... there's just thing's I wouldn't talk about. Not because I dont trust this person or anything, just because I wanna keep it secret.

 

But if someone, who you really trusted disappoints you, you regret the things you told that person a lot. That happend to me about three years ago with my best friend. I was always afraid she would tell some 'secret' things I told here.. I don't think she ever did. But still I felt very bad about it.

 

that's true... maybe this is the reason why it's so hard to tell to certain close friends some kind of secrets. And I think there is another important reason, as well: sometimes I've never told what I was thinking about - I mean not necessarily a secret - 'cause I thought the person who I was talking to wouldn't approve my opinion, so I prefered not to tell it.

 

I presume you felt pretty anxious about what you said... although I'm sure she won't tell anything. Just imagine the opposite situation: I'm sure you know secrets about her - and surely you don't spread her secrets even if you're not friends now.

yea i see...'n you r right...we can't share everything with one person...

Someone send me something by mail, and one part of it says:

A simple friend knows anything about your love stories

A real friend can blackmail you with it..So the best person she will find to tell everything is her/his best friend...or maybe she has to trust someone stronger than this person...often, the best person for this role is someone u'll see once in your life....

sorry if i can't help you much...hope u 'll find a way to make her fell better...

I presume you felt pretty anxious about what you said... although I'm sure she won't tell anything. Just imagine the opposite situation: I'm sure you know secrets about her - and surely you don't spread her secrets even if you're not friends now.

 

No, I dont think she did, I'd probably know this now, if she had done it. True, I'd never spread anyone's secret, but not everyone's the same... there's always the possibilty this could happen, even though it not likely to happen. Anyway I dont think about that possibility if I really trust someone. But it is another reason why it's better that even your closest friends dont know everything about you.

No' date=' I dont think she did, I'd probably know this now, if she had done it. True, I'd never spread anyone's secret, but not everyone's the same... there's always the possibilty this could happen, even though it not likely to happen. Anyway I dont think about that possibility if I really trust someone. But it is another reason why it's better that even your closest friends dont know everything about you.[/quote']

 

I feel exactly the same way. Unfortunately you can't trust people to be the same way as you. That's just the way it is!:(

some friends told me secrets...i've never spread them....coz i know that it's important 4 them to rely on someone....i've got a friend, she is a girl...

we tell each other our problems, feelings...I can keep secrets...every secrets...

A simple friend knows anything about your love stories

A real friend can blackmail you with it..So the best person she will find to tell everything is her/his best friend...or maybe she has to trust someone stronger than this person...often, the best person for this role is someone u'll see once in your life....

sorry if i can't help you much...hope u 'll find a way to make her fell better...

 

 

whoa, that sounds weird!!! I'm refering to that email you received... maybe it's hard to see the difference between the real and the simple one!

maybe you're right, but if the most suitable person who you can trust is someone you may see once in your life... if this is true, it's a bit sad, I guess.

 

 

 

Anyway I dont think about that possibility if I really trust someone. But it is another reason why it's better that even your closest friends dont know everything about you.

 

okay, but then... if you dont tell anyone your secrets even your thoughts, and so on, you won't feel understood by the others. And it's just a necessity to talk about it with someone who could give you an advice or simply to listen to you.

yeah i see what u mean...the differences, you see them when you've got problems, but u don't tell them to anyone...my best friend ( the girl i've talk about)had seen every time if i've got problems or not...just when she hears me when i'm calling her...

or maybe what i meant, she can tell to someone that she 'll see only once in her life what she feels...

euh...why should it be sad?

okay, but then... if you dont tell anyone your secrets even your thoughts, and so on, you won't feel understood by the others. And it's just a necessity to talk about it with someone who could give you an advice or simply to listen to you.

 

As I said I do, because I dont think about this possibilty if I really trust someone.

someone who listens to u is a good way to feel better

someone who listens to u is a good way to feel better

 

true, it can help you, even if this person cant help you to solve your problem

n sometimes u can solve your problem just by talking about it to someone....

Oh my.

 

 

 

I think that this is a fact. I mean, I have people that i absolutely love love love...But I know for a fact that I will always keep certain things to myself that are too intimate to tell.

Whether they are secrets or just things about myself.

 

 

What really scares me is that I want to tell these things one day to someone i hope to spend the rest of my life with.... but at the same time I wonder if i can

and if I don't

 

 

would that be so wrong?

exactly! I completely agree with what you said!

 

yeah i see what u mean...the differences, you see them when you've got problems, but u don't tell them to anyone...my best friend ( the girl i've talk about)had seen every time if i've got problems or not...just when she hears me when i'm calling her...

or maybe what i meant, she can tell to someone that she 'll see only once in her life what she feels...

euh...why should it be sad?

 

it's great to have someone like this girl that you talked about!!! ;)

I think I didn't understand you well before... I thought you were talking about someone who you only see/are once in your life and that's why I said it was sad!

And sometimes this is why formalities bother me sooooOOO much!

 

 

you know, when you meet up with someone that you might know or just met and you ask or they ask

 

"how are you?"

 

and you say or they say:

 

"I am just great!"

 

 

but in reality you or they could be buried under a PILE of bad things in their life like family or personal problems....but they will not tell the truth..

 

 

isn't this considered a lie!?

 

I mean, when Someone asks me how I am ..I usually Always say "I am fine."

 

but in reality, I have these HUGE problems...and I feel like a liar.

 

 

that is why I like to avoid formalities and I dislike them so.

 

 

It's not like you can just go up to someone and sometimes not even the closest of friends...and say

 

" yes, i have trouble paying the bills right now, and my marriage is breaking up right now, and i could barely get up from the damn couch...yadda yadda yadda"

 

I mean...no one does that!

 

 

and I am not saying they should....because sometimes we really can't help that person...I am just saying ..

that is really what is going on in most people's lives these days!

 

 

 

 

What really scares me is that I want to tell these things one day to someone i hope to spend the rest of my life with.... but at the same time I wonder if i can

and if I don't

 

 

would that be so wrong?

 

no, of course it wouldn't!

 

I agree in part with you... someone with you could spend/share your life could be your big confidant, but anyway there'll be some things which you won't be able to tell him either...

I feel that is true in my heart.

 

 

sometimes it makes me sad, but at the same time...I at least hope that I can tell that special person and they can tell me...the things that count so that a relationship cannot be broken..

 

 

I know I may sound sad with this talk... I guess this thread's topic really hit my heart because it is something I have been questioning recently and this very topic has broken my heart :(

 

 

I think ...I think it would not be so wrong to keep certain things inside of you ...as long as they don't hurt the other person...

 

But I woner where you draw the line in what things NEED to be said so that a relationship can be healthy...or if ALL things need to be said?

 

I know that there will never be ONE person I can tell EVERYTHING to....

and I at least feel lighter knowing this as a truth.

@Crystal:

 

These formalities that you are talking about, in fact happens everyday. I think you're not a liar for saying that you're fine although you don't feel like this... sometimes you don't trust someone enough or simply you don't wanna talk about it - but the last thing is a huge mistake, 'cause when you do it, you feel much better, even if they can't help you. Most of times to find someone who wanna listen to you it's just the best. (at least in my case).

ooh, Crystal, you shouldn't feel like a liar... when you say "good morning" but the weather outside is bad you could consider you're even saying a lie, but it isnt. People do it all the time, even little lies, that you can say only for making feel good who is with you... I know we shouldn't, but we do it and there's nothing we can do for changing it 'cause I presume we're like this...

 

gosh, I didn't know this topic touched you that much but its really good to know you're not the only person who feels that.

In a relationship not all the things can be said. Just like you said, if you already know that sth that you're thinking about would hurt him it's better not to tell it. - well, in my opinion - so you can draw yourself this fine line, I think you can realize what things you can tell him (or not).

that

touched

my heart

 

 

thank you for taking the time to read my things

 

 

I do think that (now I do) it would be alright for formalities..I suppose they cause no harm and it makes people feel better.

But I can't help but feel a bite everytime I say ... "nice to see you " when in reality I may dislike the person or things they say/do

 

 

I guess to some people it helps to hear Good morning even though there is a blizzard or something.

 

I am the type or person who ...deep down..wants to hear people's secrets, true interests, main purposes in life.

 

 

I truthfully just want to get to the point so forgive me if at times I do not say hello...

:wink:

 

that may just be my way...and if you bump into someone like me who doesn't say "Hello, Iris"

and instead asks you:

 

"Tell me your secrets."

 

You have either found Chris Martin

 

 

or

 

me

 

:p

oh, you don't have to thank me that Crystal! :kiss:

 

This thread is for talking about this and I do like to know what you feel... I think you can learn a lot only listening to what other people say besides your own experiences. It's a good way for understanding other points of view and be more open-minded.

 

I just think the same, as well... I love that the others tell me just their little secrets or simply the usual stuff they do in its lives. Just sharing with them some feelings it's enough for me, it makes me feel happy.

 

About the formalities thing; I know that sometimes you don't feel like talking or greeting someone - not 'cause you're angry with him/her, but you're not in the good mood for doing it - but... maybe is better to do it, I don't think you're hipocrite saying these formalities... although I understand your point, to act/say exactly what you feel (well, not EVERYTHING, but almost).

 

hahahaha, I'll take that into account!!! If someone says me: "Tell me your secrets" I may think this person is YOU!!!! :lol:

I do think that (now I do) it would be alright for formalities..I suppose they cause no harm and it makes people feel better.

But I can't help but feel a bite everytime I say ... "nice to see you " when in reality I may dislike the person or things they say/do

 

I feel the same... I mean I dont think it's wrong to say anyone you hardly know to tell him that you are fine, if you aren't. If he/ she asks you how you are, that person probably doesnt even want to know how you really are, most people are just asking because it's nice and they wouldn't know how to react if you told them about your problems.

 

But if I dislike someone, or I feel that this person dislikes me, I find it very hard to 'say nice to see' and that kind of things. I feel really bad doing this especially if I dont like someone and I dont think they know about it. So they might consider me as a friend because I was just trying to be nice and decent. That's really a bit like lying, or being unfair to them. There are very few people whom I dislike without any obvious reason, but in this case it's extremely difficult, I suppose.

 

Like there was a girl in my class who wasnt acceptetd, most people of my class laid into her, even though she hadn't done anything. Basically she was just very quiet and shy and she was very sad, which you could see in her face. Lots of people made fun about her because of her looks. I didnt dislike her, but she wasnt a person I found very interesting or someone whom I wanted to have as a good friend. But I started to talk to her more often and I tried to be nice to her, because I was sorry for her. Talking during the breaks was alright and I did understand her and her problems... but this situation became very difficult. I mean I didnt mind doing something with her after school either, but she considered me as her best friends because she was very lonely and she didnt have any other friends. This was a very difficult situation, but I think this was a bit my mistake. I pretended to like her to make her feel better, which made her think that I liked her a lot. I think that was unfair. :(

well o welll

 

that was a bit unfair...but at the same time..the blame is really on people's reactions..how were you to know that she would be so clingly?

 

and at least you went beyond what anyone else had...talking to the girl

 

 

i think...and i don't know everything...that you at least tried...and learned a lessong in return :wink:

 

 

I agree with that whole part...I will continue exchanging formalities with people...because it does no harm to anyone but myself. Because I do feel a bit like a liar when I say certain things.

 

But it would take a change and a half to stop formalities all together.

 

Because little do those people know that I am a germaphobic and I wash my hands after a handshake..because I don't know where their hands have been!

 

I mean, can you imagine if I just...stopped saying hello, how are you?

 

all that stuff? just gone?

 

i would be one wierdo, and not many people would approach me *i feel like starting a new thread about formalities..because this thread is different*

 

BUT i think it is more important to be honest with myself. and like, NOT exchange lies.

 

that is how I feel.