Well, today my older sister brought to my attention that I pretty much have no self-esteem/confidence, and also, I have no idea who I am at all when she asked me what I'd say if I was put on a stage to explain who I am, and I couldn't think of anything--so, I thought it would be a good exercise for anyone just to sort of reflect and define themselves...

 

If you post it here or not it doesn't matter. It's just food for thought, I guess.

 

I was just about to type out that I'm too shy to post it here, but then again, that's one of my negative traits that I'm trying to overcome anyway, so meh. I'll post it. I know no one is probably interested in it, so I'll encase it in spoiler tags, haha.

 

 

My name is Alyssa. (Currently...) I'm a very shy, introverted person, born and raised in southern California in an overly religious town. So far, I've spent most of my life in my very, very small comfort zone. I have never switched schools, I hardly ever make friends, I have never lived in a different town, I have never had a real job, I'm lazy, I never talk/confront strangers (I get really, really nervous), I rarely travel, I get nervous when talking on the phone if I'm not talking to family or friends (especially for business calls)--the list just goes on.

 

I'm very awkward socially as you probably already have guessed--I feel strange when someone offers to shake my hand, or when someone hugs me. When someone asks me "hello, how are you this morning?" I mutter "good," avoiding all eye contact and forgetting to ask how they are doing as well. I always trip on my words and stutter.

 

I'm very sensitive emotionally, even though my friends know me as tough. I mask my sensitivity with sarcasm and dry humor. I hardly ever express myself--even through music or art, I find it extremely hard to express myself because I always dismiss my ideas. Something I find especially hard to express is sympathy. Other than "oh, that sucks," or just "oi" I have no idea how to respond when someone tells me about their troubles, from how sick they were over the weekend, or "my dad passed away the other day."

 

I almost always put down or overly criticize my own work or accomplishments, or deny any compliments I'm given. Adversely, I find it easy to criticize others' work, but very hard to compliment.

 

Every time I reflect and analyze myself, I tear up also--in fact, I'm crying a little right now. Why? I really don't know.

 

I obsess a lot, and I can't recall a time when I wasn't obsessed with something, whether it be a band, a tv show, a person, or a hobby...

 

Well, enough of the bad. Now for the hard part--my positive traits.

 

Apparently, I'm somewhat talented. I can play a few things on 5 different instruments, and apparently I'm a decent photographer and pencil artist. I have a pretty good ability to play by ear and draw what I see. Since you all are Coldplayers, I can play a good number of Coldplay songs on any instrument, for example I can play Shiver on the drums, Daylight on the piano, White Shadows on the bass, and Careful Where You Stand on the guitar. And for examples of my art, there's a link in my sig.... but with both art and music, I have a very hard time coming up with original material.

 

I'm smart-ish. Obviously, not smart socially, but I do have a pretty good ability to infer based on the information I'm given. I remember lectures and stuff pretty well without taking notes (except for math... ugh). My strong subjects are mostly in science, and maybe language.

 

I'd write a bit more but I've got to get to sleep, but I might edit this post and add more later.

 

Oh I hope you feel better soon...I know what its like to feel like no one will care...

 

Here goes, its long, so I too am adding the spoiler thing...

 

My name is Rachael, but sometimes I feel asthough I wish I were called Emma-Beatrice because I feel like the name is more me, but Rachael is (unfortuanately) as me as anything will ever get.I was born in Australia, I haven't moved house or city or town ever since. My life generally revolves around two things. My religon and the people I love.

 

I have two brothers and a 'sister'. My brothers names are CJ and Grant. My 'sister's' name is Meg. She isn't really my sister but we have been friends since she was born.

 

In my earlier years, my parents flew me around the country in their small four-seater cessna. And since then I have had a fasination with all things airborn. For many years, I spent my days dreaming about how I could ever fly and everytime I found something I could wish on, I would wish I could fly. Hence my love for the Disney Character, Peter Pan. I plan to learn to fly my fathers aircraft and earn my instructers rating (which will mean, if all else fails, I will get a job at the local aerodrome).

 

My personality traits have always been shy, generous, helpful and kind. I loved helping people and I could never really be deliberatly mean to anyone for no reason. The only times I get angry or be mean to people is when they have generally hurt my feelings. Shyness has always been a factor for me, but I am slowly getting over it and I find it easier to speak to people.

 

When I started going to school, my parents continued to travel and they found a Nanny for me. Her name is Wendy. After a year of staying at her house 5 days a week, my parents stopped traveling. Wendy now has two children. Meg and Fletcher. I have known them both since they were born so watching them grow up has been amazing.

 

I never really had a best friend until year 6, when Beatrix moved to Girton. Ever since we have been best friends and currently, she is away and I miss her every day. I am currently waiting for a postcard from her and I even check the mail on weekends to see if it has arrived.

 

My life is partially revolved around music. Rhythm runs in my blood and currently 'Time is running out' is playing over and over in my head (it's like I have an i-pod in my head :laugh3:). My borther Grant play guitar. I play piano, viola and guitar. I have had no tuition whatsoever with guitar and yet...I ain't to shabby. My piano tacher, Mrs.Higgs is means a great deal to me...she is very old and as it seems, her only joy left in life is piano. When she started teaching me, she was very busy. I promised her I would work hard if she taught me, I feel extremely priveladged that she took me under her wing, I never know how I can repay her.

 

I have this thing about me. I am obsessive. I obsess about things, if I can't find a CD, I freak out and look for it all night until I find it. If I 'love' someone (and I have 'loved' many people) my personality bends over backwards to get their attention. Its a horrid thing but it keeps happening. Other ways I am obsessive is with people I know I'll never meet. You might be able to guess ;).

 

Lastly, what sums up me is these two lyrics from 'We Never Change' by Coldplay (of course)

"Oh and I don't have a soul to save, yes and I sin, I sin every day"

and

"And I wanna live in a wooden house, making more friends would be easy and I wanna live where the sun comes out"

They sum up me because I have this secret wish that someone would whisk me up and take me away from everything I am and everything I have created. The truth is, I want to leave my life behind, I want to fly away...

 

 

Ok, if you read the last paragraph, I can assure you and am not suicidal...:laugh3: I am a happy person...

 

Serious.

I guess I'll write something.

 

 

My real name is Jennifer, but I go by my middle name here. I never liked my first name, and I like the simplicity of Annie better. I was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (In West Philadelphia born and raised...yeah I know the whole song. :P) and raised in the suburbs. I'm currently in 10h grade, going to a big school, but it doesn't contain what I'm looking for in life.

 

I live with my family. I have a younger brother and sister. My brother is 14 and my sister is 8. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. I can never understand my family, and they can't understand me. I'm a very private person, and would rather be alone, and they just won't have it. They always nag me for being in my room or watching TV or reading alone, and they always want me to come down with them. I hate spending time with them, because I end up fighting with them about stupid things anyways, so I just don't want to start anything. I think that's why I'm a night owl. I stay up til three or four in the morning on weekends doing a bunch of things, like going on the computer or reading or watching TV. Because it's the only time I have to myself. I'm never left alone.

 

I've always been a writer. I write poetry and short stories for the literary magazing I'm a part of at school. I write for the school newspaper, and I also write for the local teen paper as well. I hope to fulfill my dream as a journalist in New York City someday. I have other dreams as well, as a matter of fact, I have lots. Hehe. I want to live in NYC for the rest of my life in a nice apartment, and that Mister Right (who I hope is out there somewhere..) and have kids. I would take the kids to the park every weekend, and occasionally take them to the museum or zoo. I want them to be culturally aware and be exposed to different things, that way they don't grow up naive. It doesn't mean I expect them to know everything and be super smart, but I just want them to have an idea of what the world has in store for them.

 

I've never been in a relationship. I'm only 16, so I obviously don't have any expectations. But I still have high expectations for the first guy in my life. I know I shouldn't have any, but I can't help but to. But then again, I don't think I deserve a nice guy, if any at all. I don't mind at all that I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm very glad that I don't like anyone now. Guys here never take me seriously and treat me like shit, and I don't feel like I could tolerate their bullshit anyways. Life is simple, which is good. No drama.

 

Like Amelie, I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I love holding warm clothes fresh out of the dryer close to me. Cloudy days are like my blank canvases for my imagination, I create a story in my mind as I stare out into the deep clouds. Music that makes me cry is one of the reason why I'm alive. My organized jewelry box is my favorite. I love how when I read good book everything around me is distant, like there is only me and the book existing, the only ones living. Shoes make me very happy. Colorful macarons make me very happy too. Watching a football (soccer) match with my dad. Even though he can be a jerk, I enjoy watching footie with him. That always makes me happy. Especially on Sundays when we are all relaxed and the newspaper is all over the living room floor.

 

I'm a very pessimistic person. Usually I only see the bad in things, and never believe that good can happen. I don't have much of a self-esteem either. I don't see why I should have one. I'm pretty boring, I'm not good-looking, and I haven't contributed to society. So yeah...useless. Maybe it's because I hate cocky people. And I don't want to be like them. But even with that, I'm still not confident in myself. I can't do anything right, and I doubt I can do what I want to do in life.

 

Coldplay changed my life when I was thirteen. I was going through a tough time with family and friends, and I was pretty much alone. It wasn't til when I heard Coldplay that I knew that I was going to be okay and that life was going to go on. If I had a penny for every tear I cried then, I'd be fucking rich. By far that was probably the worst time in my life. Until Coldplay came along. Other great bands come and go, but Coldplay will always be in my heart. Because they are the reason why I am the way I am. I know what I am isn't great, that I still have some self-esteem issues, but I can't deny how much they've done for me.

 

 

You don't have to read it all, you get the jist of it.

wow Alyssa I seriously found myself in your description especially when I think of former year (now it has changed a bit...)

 

so I try to write something....

 

 

Hola my name is Julia and I'm a 20 year old student from Germany. I was raised in a small village in a nice and sweet family....

 

so this is NO joke now, I'm an impatient person when it comes to things like that...you know I have NOTHING to do right now...I could write an essay but I'm just not bothered to think of something....I am lazy in some things (when it comes to uni stuff and cleaning my flat....)...I think my mind is a bit chaotic and I get confused easily...I think faaar too much about me and my life (love, etc...)..I can be really shy esp. when it comes to things like love...for some reason I can't understand most of the time that people like or even love me the way I am...I think far too bad about myself...which is rather getting on my nerves...so I'm trying to change my state of mind...

 

positive things:

the only thing where I am convinced about myself is when I play the saxophon...I just can't list you many positive things because I think this is a thing friends should do...

 

I just find it damn hard to imagine how appear to others....

 

Oh now I even wrote a bit more than I thought....

 

It's nice to read your stuff girls :nice:

 

Perhaps i'll write something later on when i have more time..

ooh, alyssa, this is a good idea for a thread! stuff like this always helps me get my thoughts straight, because i never write this introspectively unless i'm given a reason. thanks for giving me a reason :D

fair warning: i tend to ramble, so i dont expect anyone to read all of it. if i know myself, it's going to be ridiculously long.

 

 

 

ok, so here we go.

my name is chelsea. i've never really liked my name, either, and wished i had a more original one. i can think of a whole list of names i'd rather have because they just seem more "me." i was born in western connecicut, USA. i've moved houses once, but i've lived in fairfield county all my life, which i've always seen as both a blessing and a curse. fairlfield county, particularly the town i live in, is one of the most affluent and wealthy places in the world, and while it's amazing to have such privileges and i don't feel i take it for granted, it really can be disgusting and stifling to live around these parts because everything is a show of money and social distinction. i don't consider myself wealthy--in fact, when compared to all my friends' families, i come out towards the bottom of the pack in terms of assets--but it's quite daunting sometimes to think that even though there are lots of people that are much more well-off than i am, i have never been denied anything in my entire life. there is nothing in the world that i have ever really really wanted that i didnt get, materially, anyway, and that kind of bothers me because i think of all the people in the world that dont even have the basics...and it makes me depressed. none of my friends seem to really share this view and go out and use their parents credit cards to buy designer clothes and...ugh, it makes me angry.

 

i've gone to the same small, community-oriented, private school all my life. my dad went there and so did my aunts and cousins, and my grandparents worked there, so it's kind of a family thing. i loved that place more than anything else in the world. it was my home, my life, quite literally my everything. most of my friends (or at least the best ones) i've known since i was four years old and we've all grown up together and spent so much time together (school runs from 7:30 AM to 5:30 PM, so that's a hell of a lot of time in thirteen years!!) that we're all basically brothers and sisters. i think this is the number-one reason behind the fact that i've never had a boyfriend: all the boys that i could have dated i knew WAAAAAY too well to even consider a relationship on that level. it would have been like dating my brother. the fact that i've never had a real boyfriend doesn't bother me because i dont really think i'm damaged or unwanted or anything like that, but if i don't have at least one or two little relationships in college, i'll begin to wonder if there's something wrong with me.

 

i graduated from my school last june, and because i loved it so much and because it was my entire life for my whole life, i figured the whole graduating thing would be really traumatic, but it wasn't. somehow i was ready to leave. it was a huge relief to not be emotionally scarred by leaving the place and all my friends, but its also a tiny bit sad as well because i'm wondering that if it was as easy as it was to let go, maybe my whole thirteen-year saga wasn't as important and essential as i thought it was. i know that's not true, but sometimes i quietly marvel at the fact that i don't miss it as much as i do. i don't know, it's hard to explain why it means as much to me as it does. but lots of people have had a really hard time letting go too. it's more than a school, it really is.

 

since graduating last june, i've been living at home. the college i chose to go to said i couldnt start in september like most people in the world and said i had to wait until january 2008 to start going there. i was pretty ok with this choice, since i do truly like the college i'm going to, so i got a job at a doctor's office to save up some money and have done whatever the hell i pleased in the time between sleeping and going to work. it's been FABULOUS, a million times better than i ever expected. i wasn't bored for a second. i've never been this free, this unstressed in my life. i'm starting college in two weeks, and beside all the normal feelings of being nervous and all, i just kind of don't feel i'm fully ready to give up my life of freedom and relaxation. i'm not really looking forward to going, and my friends (who have all been at thier respective colleges for 6 months now), think i'm insane.

 

i've been attracted to writing my entire life, even though i tried to deny it for a long while. i've always loved to read from a very early age, so i think that's where the writing stems from. i think my "talent" with writing is what has made me one of the "smart ones" at my school: i can BS my way out of any essay or short-answer question, and i'm rather good at making it sound like i know exactly what i'm talking about even when i really don't. it's true that i was rarely really challenged by my schoolwork, but i don't consider myself an academic at all mostly because very few academic subjects really inspire me. i'm quite picky when it comes to getting really into something (everything from topics at school to music to food...everything) even though i'll feign interest in nearly everything. because of this, the only possible career track that i feel i would even bother with is writing movies (and novels) and making movies. film has always captivated me, and i know deep down somewhere that i MUST get into the movie industry some way if i'm truly to be 100% satisfied with my life in later years. but this scares the crap out of me for a number of reasons, number one being that i just wont be able to break into it enough to truly make a living off of it, and i REFUSE to be a starving artist. i'm also a bit scared by it because most everyone around here becomes doctors or lawyers or CEOs, and everyone i know pins me as becoming that powerful and successful as well because i showed "so much promise" in high school. i'm afraid of risking all that success of a high-power job for something that may very well make me poor and worn-out, and therefore unhappy. i've never been truly unhappy before, not ever, and i don't want to ever be unhappy.

 

i have an unnaturally strong desire to go to england. i went once when i was thirteen with a bunch of my friends, and since then i have longed to go back. i know i idealize the country, but i just cant get the dream of living there (and perhaps marrying a nice, british guy...) out of my head. i'm going to do a year abroad in london (UCL, hopefully) starting in fall 2009, and i feel that only then will my true life begin. it's almost unhealthy how much i feel the rest of my life will stem on going to live in england for a year. i feel that by going there, i might discover a new interest or meet a new person that will change my life. or something. so i can't wait to go, if only to show me that england is not heaven on earth like i seem to think it is.

 

i've always been known as a "goody-two-shoes." it's almost physically impossible for me to break rules or speak ill of people. i was never once in trouble at my school or got a "bad slip" (which was essentially a bit of paper saying you've broken a rule, minor or major, and enough of these slips could make your life living hell), which just doesn't happen. people make fun of me for following the rules so closely, but i just know that i hate confrontation and argument and as long as the rules aren't ridiculously stupid or cause me to bed over backwards to follow them, following them is always so much more worth it than getting into trouble. as a result, i was made a prefect at my school (think like in harry potter, but a bit harder to get), and even though it was hard to be a disciplinarian among my friends, i was so proud to get that position.

oops, i lied: i skipped school once (though with my parents permission!!) to...go to a coldplay concert. i got yelled at pretty bad by my favorite teacher. even though i was upset about it, i knew i made the right decision to go. i felt i deserved a night to myself after never breaking a rule before. it was totally worth it.

 

i like to be alone. i like to be alone a hell of a lot. i can entertain myself endlessly with books or movies or music or my own writing. my friends don't get this and think i'm becoming more and more of a hermit, especially in the last 9 months that i've been living without them, but i really don't care what they think.

 

i have an extremely hard time relating to people my own age. i've always been told that i'm mature beyond my years, and i feel that i'm mentally quite a lot older than 18, but all my friends (except one) are classic teenagers, (though quite brilliant ones), and i often feel that there's a big disconnect between us. because of this, i feel like in the 13 years that i've known most of my friends, they've never really seen who i truly am because i don't tell them a lot of my thoughts or anything for fear they'll think i'm insane, or worse, elitist. all of my true self goes into my journal-writing, which i'm quite obsessive about.

 

i have a lot of secrets. theyre not huge, awful secrets or anything like that-- i just like to keep things private. for example, i've been working on writing a novel for almost three years now, and i've never told a soul about it. but i like it that way. i often feel people just won't understand a lot of the things my secrets are about. not in an emo, "nobody gets me" sort of way, just in a way that i feel it's useless to try to explain out because it would be next to impossible for anyone else to fully grasp what i mean.

 

i've always felt that i'm decently smartish academically, but i'm quite smart in the social world. of course, not in the TEENAGE social world, because the inner workings of that microcosm of society are COMPLETELY beyond me, but just in general. i know how to deal with people. i can make conversation, i'm polite, outgoing (on the surface). i've never been in a fight before because i'm quite skilled at avoiding argument and confrontation. people like me, which cracks me up, because i feel that the person i put out to talk to people, while isnt fake, isnt really the real me either. i think i'm quite a good actress in this respect. i'm just well-balanced emotionally.

lots of my very best friends are adults, whether they're former teachers or friends' parents or coworkers. people think i'm insane, but i just relate better to them. i feel like i can be myeslf with adults because i'm not worried about looking cool or fitting in. they're mature enough to know what matters and what doesn't, unlike most teenagers in the world.

 

i obsess a lot, too. it started off with being ridiculously obsessed with the beatles when i came back from england when i was thirteen (i was never even remotely interested in music before then), and then i got into U2. i discovered coldplay through the "speed of sound" video, which i saw on Vh1 in may 2005. i've been obsessed with coldplay ever since. no one besides other coldplayers truly know the extent of my love and obsession with them because i dont talk about it much for fear that people will think i'm crazy. but their music just grabbed me in the most amazing way...i can't even put it into words. i wasn't going through a particularly bad time when i discovered them, as lots of other people have, but it was just something about the music and them and what they stood for that drew me in and has never released me. even though i didnt "need" their help at the time i found them, or since, really, i feel that they have helped me and changed me just as much as they have helped and changed people who really did need the help. they're an incredible force for good in the world. i sometimes think my obsession borders on the unhealthy, but it's not hurting me or anyone else, so i know it's not a bad thing.

 

i have my ideal life planned out: i want to go to england, find a guy i really love (preferably a musician), have him and his band get really really famous, marry him because i love him more than i ever knew i could love anyone, and not have to work a day-to-day job besides being a mom (to a little boy with a unique name; or twins: a boy and a girl) and working on writing screenplays and novels when i feel like it and sending them into LA or my publisher when i'm finished. i know this life isn't going to happen if only because i've thought of it, but it's nice to dream.

 

 

 

in retrospect, i seem to be a combination of parts of annie and parts of alyssa! :laugh1:

Well, today my older sister brought to my attention that I pretty much have no self-esteem/confidence, and also, I have no idea who I am at all when she asked me what I'd say if I was put on a stage to explain who I am, and I couldn't think of anything--so, I thought it would be a good exercise for anyone just to sort of reflect and define themselves...

 

If you post it here or not it doesn't matter. It's just food for thought, I guess.

 

I was just about to type out that I'm too shy to post it here, but then again, that's one of my negative traits that I'm trying to overcome anyway, so meh. I'll post it. I know no one is probably interested in it, so I'll encase it in spoiler tags, haha.

 

 

My name is Alyssa. (Currently...) I'm a very shy, introverted person, born and raised in southern California in an overly religious town. So far, I've spent most of my life in my very, very small comfort zone. I have never switched schools, I hardly ever make friends, I have never lived in a different town, I have never had a real job, I'm lazy, I never talk/confront strangers (I get really, really nervous), I rarely travel, I get nervous when talking on the phone if I'm not talking to family or friends (especially for business calls)--the list just goes on.

 

I'm very awkward socially as you probably already have guessed--I feel strange when someone offers to shake my hand, or when someone hugs me. When someone asks me "hello, how are you this morning?" I mutter "good," avoiding all eye contact and forgetting to ask how they are doing as well. I always trip on my words and stutter.

 

I'm very sensitive emotionally, even though my friends know me as tough. I mask my sensitivity with sarcasm and dry humor. I hardly ever express myself--even through music or art, I find it extremely hard to express myself because I always dismiss my ideas. Something I find especially hard to express is sympathy. Other than "oh, that sucks," or just "oi" I have no idea how to respond when someone tells me about their troubles, from how sick they were over the weekend, or "my dad passed away the other day."

 

I almost always put down or overly criticize my own work or accomplishments, or deny any compliments I'm given. Adversely, I find it easy to criticize others' work, but very hard to compliment.

 

Every time I reflect and analyze myself, I tear up also--in fact, I'm crying a little right now. Why? I really don't know.

 

I obsess a lot, and I can't recall a time when I wasn't obsessed with something, whether it be a band, a tv show, a person, or a hobby...

 

Well, enough of the bad. Now for the hard part--my positive traits.

 

Apparently, I'm somewhat talented. I can play a few things on 5 different instruments, and apparently I'm a decent photographer and pencil artist. I have a pretty good ability to play by ear and draw what I see. Since you all are Coldplayers, I can play a good number of Coldplay songs on any instrument, for example I can play Shiver on the drums, Daylight on the piano, White Shadows on the bass, and Careful Where You Stand on the guitar. And for examples of my art, there's a link in my sig.... but with both art and music, I have a very hard time coming up with original material.

 

I'm smart-ish. Obviously, not smart socially, but I do have a pretty good ability to infer based on the information I'm given. I remember lectures and stuff pretty well without taking notes (except for math... ugh). My strong subjects are mostly in science, and maybe language.

 

I'd write a bit more but I've got to get to sleep, but I might edit this post and add more later.

 

Can I just copy yours? Other than name and place and such (and drums) you just described me almost perfectly. :stunned:

lots of my very best friends are adults, whether they're former teachers or friends' parents or coworkers. people think i'm insane, but i just relate better to them. i feel like i can be myeslf with adults because i'm not worried about looking cool or fitting in. they're mature enough to know what matters and what doesn't, unlike most teenagers in the world.

 

 

This reminds me of how in middle school, I would hang out more with the chaperone than my friends. :P Because they would always do something stupid and immature, and I preferred to stay on the safe side and talk to my chaperone.

 

Im Jenika. Im a sixteen (soon 17!) year old junior in high school. I absolutely hate it. I love certain subjects and stuff in school, but the people, my peers, get under my skin. Sometimes I want to smack them all upside the head and other times I get depressed that im not a part of the "in" crowd. Why is it that they seem to have the most fun?

 

I've never liked the social part of school, at all. Im also very quiet... and humble too [am i humble for saying that?] and i feel like i get walked over a lot. I wish I could stand up for myself more, but I cant come up with clever/witty comebacks fast enough. And I can't tell you how many times I get called "white" for how I act and the music i listen to[im black]. I feel like a total loser in my school; Im so awkward and everyone thinks im a total nutcase. My parents just ripped me out of public school before i started high school and put me in this private school. And yes, most of the kids ARE shallow.I feel like a dork; an ugly duckling. I've felt like that forever.

 

I've never been in a relationship either. Maybe it's because im so scared. How can i hold a guy's attention for months on end? Prom's coming up soon and Im...totally screwed. :P

I had a huge crush on this guy in tenth grade, and i thought i had a chance, finally a light at the end of the tunnel!-- but he ended up going out with one of my best friends. :dozey: All of my friends thought I was "in love" with him, but i really don't think so. Although it took a long time to heal from that.

 

I've always had a problem with my weight. I used to be overweight, now my weight is under control.

 

I love to be creative. Im trying to learn how to play guitar. And I love art. Art is my lover. :P And writing. I want to be a journalist or novelist when I grow up. But when I turn 18 I AM trying out for America's Next Top Model :D - and yes, I plan to win. One part of me wants to paint/ write 24/7 but another part of me wants to model and create art with my body, and for once be in the spotlight. But if I had my way I would just sleep all day and stay up all night making/listening to music, writing, painting. But a)doesn't pay the bills b) my parents stress getting an education. I think an education is important too.

 

Im totally scared of becoming an adult. Having real responsibilities, a 9-5, a house, etc. Im scared of college too. But it's more of an excited anxiousness. I have 5 or more choices of colleges I want to go too, most are here in VA, but if I get accepted to University of Chicago, Im going. I don't want to stay by my parents' sides forever. They're always like, "You should stay close to home." but how will I grow up if I do that!? I can't wait to get out of the house and branch out and be my own person. Well, I am my own person now, but I've always wanted to be different. I know I said before that i would like to be in the "in" crowd, but i am proud of my indivduality. People say im "Weird" and "crazy" and I love it. :P

 

If art/writing is my lover, music is my mistress. I absolutely love it, i wish i was better at the guitar and singing so i could create my own music. I use music to amplify and make everyone aware of my current mood [angry mood= angry music] and etc.

 

*edit* Im also very sensitive and obsessive over things, like Alyssa. If I like something, im going to show it, a lot. And the one thing that truly gets under my skin is when people call me stupid, even when they are joking. Sometimes I feel stupid person when I don't get top grades, even though Im not, and that's the worse thing anyone could ever say to me.

 

So that's me; An awkward, weird girl trying to make it through high school.

 

Damn it. how do you do the spoiler thing?

 

*edit*

 

 

nevermind. :D

 

Oh gosh Jenika...I remember our guy problems from last year! :uhoh:

 

Remember Dan? :dozey: :p

 

Wow that was so long ago...

made you look

Oh gosh Jenika...I remember our guy problems from last year! :uhoh:

 

Remember Dan? :dozey: :p

 

Wow that was so long ago...

 

 

How can I forget? :dozey: and his twin, hahaha

Dan, Andrew... Gosh, we gotta start pickin' some winners! :P

Annie, i knew we had a few things in common, but hell, ... you just described me! :D hahaha.

but i'll give it a try and write an own description. :)

my name is grace stephanie.

i am 16 years old and i will turn 17 on the 18th of this month.

i'm still a pupil and i'm in year 11.

well, yeah.

first things first.

fact is that i do not know who i am.

i'm pretty young and i'm still looking for myself. i feel like i change a lot within a month, but i guess i'm just a billon-faced biatch. lol.

this is so tough... describing oneself.

i've been looking at the screen for several minutes now thinking, but i cannot write down anything clear. so i decide to be totally honest with you.

starting with my family ... i got a sister who is 24 years old. she's a pretty cool older sister, but she's sometimes very immature. she behaves like a little child and complains about everything. i cannot stand people complaining or argueing. i hate it.

i'd say i pretty much raised myself all alone. sounds weird, but i never had anyone to look after me. my parents were working or busy with "more important" things. they're lousy parents. i think this whole family is something i was born into. i don't wanna be with them. i don't even like them. they make life a lot harder for me because they often argue and cause problems. like, ... my dad used to hit my mum. he did that about ... 5 times as far as i can remember. and he promised he would not do it again the last time. i trust him this time, though. i used to get really nervour when my parents argued because i was so scared he could hurt my mum. it's ridiculous that i start crying typing this.

okay, it's just a phase.

i don't have a real connection to my family. it's like we're together by coincedence. i feel very uncomfortable at home.

my childhood was shit. i'm very different from anyone in my family. they say i'm very mature for my age and that i don't fit in there for the way i think and feel and even dress.

so i've been through quite a lot of shit already.

i've never had a relationship, which did annoy me some time ago, but i guess i'm better off alone. thing is that i cannot imagine that anyone could ever love me for what i am. i think that i have to change for that person and... since i don't even feel loved by my family (i bet you they'd say they loved be, but only because i'm their child). i care about other people too much. if there's someone i might like i get all obsessed and would turn the world around for them... until ... yeah, until they disappoint me and make me realise that they'd give a goddamn fuck about me. hahaha... i lost hope. it's too early to lose hope, but i don't want a relationship anymore. guess i just have to meet someone vulnerable and thoughtful like me. kinda like my soulmate. haha. someone i wouldn't have to change for. but well...

the word "change" leads me to another thing...

i want to become someone better. i want to be thin and pretty and i'm working for it. i developed some sorta eating disorder a while ago. i probably seek for attention, but as always... nobody cares.

i always thought i was a loveable, nice person with a good heart.

i always try to do good. like... i bake cakes for the homeless or i try to make people happy by helping them with their work when they're all busy. i try to make them feel better. i'm there for them and they can always talk to me, but still i'd say i've only got one friend. she's my best friend. i know her since grade 1 and we've always been close, but we got even closer last year. we're actually a bit different, but she can read my mind. really. she's amazing. she knows everything about me. she's the only person i trust. i tell her everything and i thank god that i have her. she knows me. she just knows me.

and i know her and i'm as important to her as she is to me. it's great feeling important to someone.

like ... we talk about everything. about the fact that i thought about commiting suicide several times and she didn't go all crazy. she just listened and let me talk. she didn't say,"oh fuck, grace! you need to start a therapy!" she understood. i know that. or when we talked about cutting or hurting oneself in general. and that i sometimes do it.

sounds like i'm a miserable person, but i often feel love. well, i don't feel loved, though. i'm just aware of the fact that i am still able to love.

oh hell, ... yeah. i rant a lot as you may have recognised.

since all these things come together and i feel alone and stuff i decided to move away from home as soon as i am able to. i might get a job next month so i will save money until i graduate.

i'm gonna leave then and start a new life somewhere else.

ah yeah - people.

i'm not very shy. i used to be very shy, but i realised that it didn't get me anywhere. it's pretty negative actually when you meet new people because they might think one is arrogant or anything. that's why i got pretty extroverted.

sounds like shite now, but coldplay changed my attitude towards several things. they made me realise that life's actually about love and helping each other. i don't get mad that often or angry. i'm very pessimistic, though, but optimistic when it comes to other people and their business.

well, yeah. the fact that i try to be a good person and do good ... i wonder why i have such a fucked up life.

wow Alyssa I seriously found myself in your description especially when I think of former year (now it has changed a bit...)

 

so I try to write something....

 

 

Hola my name is Julia and I'm a 20 year old student from Germany. I was raised in a small village in a nice and sweet family....

 

so this is NO joke now, I'm an impatient person when it comes to things like that...you know I have NOTHING to do right now...I could write an essay but I'm just not bothered to think of something....I am lazy in some things (when it comes to uni stuff and cleaning my flat....)...I think my mind is a bit chaotic and I get confused easily...I think faaar too much about me and my life (love, etc...)..I can be really shy esp. when it comes to things like love...for some reason I can't understand most of the time that people like or even love me the way I am...I think far too bad about myself...which is rather getting on my nerves...so I'm trying to change my state of mind...

 

positive things:

the only thing where I am convinced about myself is when I play the saxophon...I just can't list you many positive things because I think this is a thing friends should do...

 

I just find it damn hard to imagine how appear to others....

 

Oh now I even wrote a bit more than I thought....

 

you are extremely smart, funny, random, etc. You are great with friends, you think before you leap. You're extremely considerate of others, even to other people who aren't.

And you rock at the saxophone :P

 

made you look

 

wow, that's some deep stuff :P

But if I had my way I would just sleep all day and stay up all night making/listening to music, writing, painting

 

jenika, that's exactly what i want as well! i've been doing that for the past eight months now and its lovely. i feel i've been so spoiled by it that it's going to be hard for me to break back into the academic scene because i've recently realized how fed up i am with wasting time with subjects i dont care about. all i really want to do in life is work on my writing while the rest of the world is asleep.

i looked like this --> :stunned: when i read that line of yours because i feel exactly the same way!

I'm going to get on my soapbox and be all inspirational speaker on you all!

 

You're all brave. In that comtemplative state of mind. Ah but don't dwell on it.

 

 

You'll look back and think " Ay, why was I overthinking it all? why did I put myself through it?" And I don't mean that in a negative way. That's what goes on in a young person's mind. It was the same with me.

 

Not skinny enough/pretty enough- Don't ever think that. Oh I used to obsess over it. " by next summer I'll be skinnier!" Then one day I looked in the mirror and was like " No, I actually like the way I look. It's not half bad! So what I'm not as tall or lean, but I like the curves " Work it girls. I've seen pics, you're all gorgeous!

 

 

scared of the future/ getting older- It comes up real quick and can be difficult. Reminds me of a convo I had with my mom. I told her how I was so depressed, my computer had died, bills were due for the apartment, my professor had just ripped apart a proposal, and I still had this major exam to study for. I was near tears and I never cry! She said," breathe,it's ok, you can handle it. This is what it's like to be an adult, it's just a bump in the road, it's going to be just fine" And it's true. You can't obsess over how bad things are going at the time, just breathe!

 

You're living the best parts of your lives now. Pretty much carefree and full of so much potential. :)

 

You'll get that moment of truth when you become confident and forget the worries of the past. :D

 

Oh and I want to read all the books you gang plan to write. :P

Oh and I want to read all the books you gang plan to write. :P

 

I really hope you will someday. :D

 

Maybe I should just get my act together and self-publish on the web... :confused:

I am Nathan

 

and that's all the info you are getting...

How can I forget? :dozey: and his twin, hahaha

Dan, Andrew... Gosh, we gotta start pickin' some winners! :P

 

Oh geez his twin....did I tell you BOTH of them are in my art class? Yeah...I still get the feeling he is staring at me...out of disgust. >.<

 

That Andrew...damn. That seemed so long ago.....

 

Grace, we do have a lot of things in common. A lot. But it's great, because we can talk about a lot of things to each other. :)