I'm not sure if there will ever be a Stuff Christians Like cologne. I mean you dream, you know? You watch people like Usher and Gwen Stefani develop their own signature scents and you think to yourself, "Why not me? Couldn't I have a cologne called SH (Side Hug) that smelled like a potpourri of old hymnals and goldfish crackers?"

 

Unfortunately the toilet water industry is all about who you know, and I don't know anyone. Chances are, I won't be able to offer you SH anytime soon, even though the commercial would feature Carmen just looking soulfully at the camera with his finger to his mouth whispering, “SHHHHH.”

 

But if I did have a cologne and did become a Christian thousandaire, one of the first things I would do after donating to charity is found the "Sounds almost like a Christian Band hall of fame.” (Which is “SALACBHOF,” something that sounds like a salad dressing made by David Hasselhoff.)

 

It would probably be located in Nashville and would be an organization dedicated to celebrating bands that you swear are Christian but are not.

 

Clearly U2 would be in there. In fact, they'd probably have their own wing. But today, I want to induct another band into the Sounds almost like a Christian Band Hall of Fame. Today, I want to induct Coldplay.

 

I've been thinking about writing about them for a while and when my friend Blake told me his friends analyzed the lyrics of the latest album for Christian undertones, I knew it was time.

 

But what makes them worthy of the "Sounds almost like a Christian band?" hall of fame? What would it take for any band to be inducted into this fictional organization which I hope will eventually have a t-shirt? I'm glad you asked:

 

1. At least one Christian conspiracy.

A pastor called me recently and told me a member reported to him that every song on the latest Coldplay album, Viva la Vida, was recorded in a different church. That would be awesome, if it were true. Some it was recorded in a church and some of the album was recorded in their London studio, which is an old bakery. But you have to admit that the idea of Coldplay traveling the globe to record each song in a different church is the pinnacle of “please let this band be Christian” excitement.

 

2. One major magazine article that discusses faith.

If you do an interview with the magazine Christianity Today, and talk about Christianity and faith, big deal. Christianity is 50% of that great magazine’s title. We expect that. But if you’re on the cover of the June 26th issue of Rolling Stone and are called an “Anxious Rock God” and inside are called “the Jesus of Uncool” and then have a pull quote that reads, “I grew up with the prospect of hell looming ever large…,” we at the induction committee take notice. Sure, you might take some shots at faith in the article, but you’re talking about it. You keep talking about it Chris Martin, and we’re giving you points for that.

 

3. You have at least one song that can be performed in church.

A great way to get yourself into the SALACBHOF is to have at least one song that a hip worship leader can perform at church much to the confusion of some members and the wild delight of others. My cousin played the song Viva la Vida at his church months ago and he’s not alone. It’s currently tearing up the “secular songs worship leaders like to sneak into church” charts. Well done Coldplay.

 

4. Lyrics that sound Christian.

Take your choice with Coldplay, their latest album is a smorgasbord of lyrical question marks that keep us Christians guessing. In Cemeteries of London, does “God is in the houses and God is in my head, and all the cemeteries in London, I see God come in my garden, but I don’t know what he said, for my heart, it wasn’t open” mean we all need to open up our hearts if we want to know what God says? Is the garden, the garden of Eden? In “42” does the lyric, “Time is so short and I’m sure, there must be something more” mean that there must be something more and that more is God? Ohhh you keep us guessing, but that’s what we love at the SALACBHOF.

 

5. A United Kingdom Accent.

Chris Martin is from England. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we at the induction committee associate all British/Scottish/Irish accents with CS Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien. That alone bumps your chances of getting into the SALACBHOF by about 22%. You literally sound Christian to us.

 

Based on those criteria, Coldplay is a shoe in this year for induction. Then again, you might have a different band in mind. Some other band that deserves to be inducted in the Sounds almost like a Christian Band hall of fame.

 

Who do you think should be nominated?

 

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/10/427-inducting-coldplay-into-sounds.html

I'm at a Christian college and while a lot of people around here like coldplay, they're 50 times better than the best Christian contemporary band. I've gotten so tired of Christian rock because the arrangement is always predictable and uninspired forcing you to focus more on their lame lyrics. Seriously it all sounds the same, the btter bands pass as u2 rip-offs.

 

Funny thing about u2 is they take semi-philosophical, christian themes and make them sexy!

Oh yeah, they definitely should be nominated. U2 are definitely more Christian though.