I feel guilty for feeling this way but..

[Zeya]

Okay here's the thing. I have a friend that is so whiny that she complains about every single thing. About her parents, her financial status, her studies, her pracs, every single freaking thing. While friends should be willing to listen to each others' problems, it's starting to get on my nerves (and practically all the people around her as well).

 

For example, she keeps on complaining about how broke she is and how her parents never give her money anymore. Some of our friends really do come from poor (unfortunate? oh shit I don't know the politicaly correct term for it) family and I do think her whining has made them feel a bit uncomfortable. Then after all the whining, suddenly just now she posted on facebook that she's contemplating whether she's gonna buy a new electric guitar or a netbook. She just bought an electric guitar last two moths and her laptop is still working perfectly well so isn't that showing that she has the luxury to spend? Plus she always spend like nearly $200 for a pair of jeans and other very expensive things.

 

When I told her she should think about the rest of our unfortunate friends and be more careful with her words when she's around them she'd just snap at me and say others can get what they want if they try harder.

 

Oh and few days ago she posted this on her fb: "If anyone ask me now whether I have a best friend or not I'd say I have none." WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE US FEEL? We (as in me and the other close friends) have been there for her for every single time and we even backed her up whenever people say bad things about her.

 

I don't know what I can do to shut her up and make her realise how lucky she is to be in her situation. Others would kill to get a chance to live her life in her big house driving her big car and having great friends surrounding them even for only a day. I feel bad for feeling this way as she is actually a really good friend, and I don't want to ruin the friendship, but it's getting a bit tiring now. Help me cpers.

[Prince Myshkin]

screw it. ruin the friendship.

 

given this is the only thing i know about her i would say never waste any time conversing with her and i would also revel in her obvious unhappiness, safe in the knowledge that it is her spoiled nature and immaturity that is making her act like an absolute bitch. people like that aren't worth bothering with.

 

it's quite obvious that if you were in trouble or needed her help you could not turn to her. therefore could you class her as a friend. sounds like someone you just hang around with a lot and the only reason you still hang around with her is because you have known her for a while.

 

if you had met her a month ago and she had behaved like she has, would you have put any effort in to being her friend or would you have thought she was an idiot and steered clear?

[pickle]

I have a friend exactly like this. The 'I don't have a boyfriend' rants are hell. :dead:

 

Honestly, I might try to end the friendship. :\ You don't like her, and, according to her FB status, she doesn't like you and your friends all that much. (?) :lol:

[Zeya]

Oh no no she is really a good friend. She will be there for me and the rest if we need her but it's just that after all the hardships we went through together, how did she not establish it as good friendship? I thought it's one of those unspoken things and it's mutual but apparently not so.

 

It's just that she's so whiny that I'm afraid that if I keep on being this angry with her every time she opens her mouth I might just burst one day and ruin everything.

[Prince Myshkin]

friendships evolve and people move apart

could be better to break apart before you have a big fallout

either that or confront her and say what you have said in this thread

or keep getting annoyed

[pickle]

Have you ever talked to any of your other friends about this?

[SueDeNimes]

Have you ever talked to any of your other friends about this?

Yes, "bitching" helps a lot to let it out, as bad as it sounds.

Talking about it here might be not that big a help because we don't know her!

 

But like others said before, if you just don't see each other so often in the next time it might all calm down...

So you're not that loaded anymore and she might be finding something else to talk about if you're not in contact so often.

Does that make sense?

I feel like I can't express well what I want to say.

If she's really active on FB you could change the setting so her updates are hidden! :idea2:

[Zeya]

edit: reply to Braddock^^

 

It seems that those are the only options I have so far hey.

 

I've tried few times to talk to her but she ended up saying things like.." I know it bores you every time I say this but I just need to vent". And she'll repeat the same thing like 10 times a day?

 

Do you think I'm a bad friend? I should provide shoulders for her to cry on and things like that no? I feel awful just by creating this thread :\

[eff-exx]

Does she want attention? Or her mouth just needs something to talk about?

Is she the type that can be negotiated with? If she is, maybe you could try explaining it nicely that she's fortunate, and some spontaneous status updates can be hurtful.

 

Or maybe you could roll along with her, if you're feeling angry. If she says she's poor, play along, back her up on her statement. If you keep saying 'No, you're not!' she might just continue trying to affirm you, thus making you pissed even more.

Maybe she's just looking for confirmation within society.

[Prince Myshkin]

 

Do you think I'm a bad friend?

 

no

she is spoiled

i would have more sympathy for her venting if she didn't say others would have more money if they tried harder when it appears she doesn't try for anything.

[Zeya]

Have you ever talked to any of your other friends about this?

 

Yes, "bitching" helps a lot to let it out, as bad as it sounds.

Talking about it here might be not that big a help because we don't know her!

 

But like others said before, if you just don't see each other so often in the next time it might all calm down...

So you're not that loaded anymore and she might be finding something else to talk about if you're not in contact so often.

Does that make sense?

I feel like I can't express well what I want to say.

If she's really active on FB you could change the setting so her updates are hidden! :idea2:

 

I've tried bitching once (not about this friend) and it resulted with broken friendship. Thing is, with that one, I did really feel like I wanted to end it.

With this one however, I don't. She's a good friend with a good heart, just maybe too big a mouth.

And I know all of you don't know her that well thus can't really judge the situation, but it's good to be able to express it somewhere (she's on my fb, blog, twitter so those don't really work).

[Zeya]

Does she want attention? Or her mouth just needs something to talk about?

 

Yeah, I would say that she's the most talkative person that I've ever met before. Others thought so too. She can keep on talking non stop when other people would have been out of things to say.

 

Or maybe you could roll along with her, if you're feeling angry. If she says she's poor, play along, back her up on her statement. If you keep saying 'No, you're not!' she might just continue trying to affirm you, thus making you pissed even more.

 

Yeah I did that once too and she said she was hurt and thought that I didn't try to listen to what she says.

 

God I really make her sound bad, when she's really not as bad. Maybe she just loves the attention, maybe you're right.

 

no

she is spoiled

i would have more sympathy for her venting if she didn't say others would have more money if they tried harder when it appears she doesn't try for anything.

 

I think so too. She's been living a good life with people always catering to her needs that she's still living in that sweet little bubble. I would like something to just burst that bubble and let her see the world from a bigger point of view. So that she'd be more thankful.

[Zeya]

ps; I understand now why people keep on posting their problems in here. You guys are much better than that oracle thing on Coldplay's website!

[eff-exx]

Yeah, I would say that she's the most talkative person that I've ever met before. Others thought so too. She can keep on talking non stop when other people would have been out of things to say.

 

 

 

Yeah I did that once too and she said she was hurt and thought that I didn't try to listen to what she says.

 

God I really make her sound bad, when she's really not as bad. Maybe she just loves the attention, maybe you're right.

 

Whoa. :wtf:

That's really talkative. But I suppose she does cheer the mood up at times too? :wacko:

 

I think she looks at the world from only one angle. She must be pretty oblivious to the fact that she's getting on you and your friends' nerves.

And saying she's hurt by you being that way, kinda makes me think that she wants her friends to sympathize with her?

 

But perhaps, you could roll along with her, in the non-sarcastic way? A way that wouldn't make her hurt. That would take effort and good mood, I suppose.

 

Anyway, :|

 

You would understand this. :|

 

Actually, if somebody lempang her one time kau kau, maybe she would wake up from her 'ITZ MOI LIFE' world. Somebody not really close to her so that she can't call them hypocrites for telling her off so late. lulz

 

 

[NumbersGirl]

Do you think I'm a bad friend? I should provide shoulders for her to cry on and things like that no? I feel awful just by creating this thread :\

No, you are not a bad friend. The way it sounds, if anything, she is.

 

 

God I really make her sound bad, when she's really not as bad. Maybe she just loves the attention, maybe you're right.

Yes she probably does love the attention, but you shouldn't have to do that for her.

 

I used to have a "friend" like this. Over time I realized that she was essentially bringing negativity into my life that I otherwise wouldn't have. That is what's referred to as a "toxic" friend/person. As good of a "friend" as you say this girl is... is she really? If you spend that much time thinking about how negative she is in various ways, her negativity is affecting you, and it's just not worth it. Yes it may be hard to break off this "friendship", but honestly in the end, in my opinion it will be worth and you will be better off in the long run. That's the way it was for me anyway.

[Zeya]

edit: Reply to Ly^^

 

That's true. She does cheer up the mood a bit at times. So it's not all bad.

 

We do sympathise with her, seriously. And most of the times we will listen and give her the best advice and just agree with her to make her feel better. But when she keeps on repeating the same thing over and over and over again every single day, that's when the sympathy's turned to annoyance.

 

 

 

That lempang idea might work, except that no one's cruel enough to do so. Haha. And she still would feel the one who lempang-ed her's the guilty one. Did I mention that she's kepala batu as well? The most kepala batu person I've ever met too. So whatever reasoning that person might give, she thinks what she thinks.

 

[SueDeNimes]

Now I want to know what lempang means!! :thinking: :sneaky:

[Matter-Eater Lad]

Get her a blog to vent?

[Zeya]

No, you are not a bad friend. The way it sounds, if anything, she is.

 

 

Yes she probably does love the attention, but you shouldn't have to do that for her.

 

I used to have a "friend" like this. Over time I realized that she was essentially bringing negativity into my life that I otherwise wouldn't have. That is what's referred to as a "toxic" friend/person. As good of a "friend" as you say this girl is... is she really? If you spend that much time thinking about how negative she is in various ways, her negativity is affecting you, and it's just not worth it. Yes it may be hard to break off this "friendship", but honestly in the end, in my opinion it will be worth and you will be better off in the long run. That's the way it was for me anyway.

 

I know I've led all of you to think that, but really, she's not a bad friend. As much as she's being annoying, she's also an amazing friend. She'll try to help a friend if she really can, and she'll try to be there with you when you need her. It's just that her friend should be this really understanding person with really high level of patience, which currently I'm lack of.

 

I think that maybe, the whining is worth putting up for just to keep the friendship.

 

And like I said before, I've broken off a friendship before but that person was 100times worse than this friend of mine. She's this attention seeking bitch that will hog all the limelight from others, she sabotaged other people to make her look good in front of the others, she badmouthed every single person, she used people etc so she was definitely not worth it.

Trust me, my friend is not half as bad.

[Zeya]

Now I want to know what lempang means!! :thinking: :sneaky:

 

It means a slap (noun) or slapping (verb) :P

 

Get her a blog to vent?

 

Already have one.

[eff-exx]

edit: Reply to Ly^^

 

That's true. She does cheer up the mood a bit at times. So it's not all bad.

 

We do sympathise with her, seriously. And most of the times we will listen and give her the best advice and just agree with her to make her feel better. But when she keeps on repeating the same thing over and over and over again every single day, that's when the sympathy's turned to annoyance.

 

 

 

That lempang idea might work, except that no one's cruel enough to do so. Haha. And she still would feel the one who lempang-ed her's the guilty one. Did I mention that she's kepala batu as well? The most kepala batu person I've ever met too. So whatever reasoning that person might give, she thinks what she thinks.

 

What if you tell her that she's annoying you guys? Will she cry or something? If she does, maybe you guys should harden up and not comfort her or something like that, so that in the end she thinks for herself.

 

 

Omg, damn kepala batu weih! Maybe someday she will go out there in the world and someone will taruk her. I'm sure someone would, just a matter of time. Maybe someone close can taruk her, someone that she cares about his/her opinion of her. :\

Edit : I changed 'lempang' to 'taruk', it fits better that way. :P

 

But bulan Ramadhan kena buat baik kan? :|

 

 

[eff-exx]

Oh, I suppose lempang can also be sort of metaphoric. Like 'slap' or 'That statement was a blow across her face' kind of thing.

[Zeya]

Nope she won't. Maybe I'll do that one day, if I think I've had enough.

 

 

 

Haha I told ya, memang kepala batu gila! If she has decided on one thing, you don't have to waste time trying to change her mind. Buang masa je kot.

Haha, a'ah should have positive thoughts during Ramadhan. Ni dah kira mengumpat, which is not good. Aiseh.

 

[SueDeNimes]

It means a slap (noun) or slapping (verb) :P

Thank you!

 

Omg, damn kepala batu weih! Maybe someday she will go out there in the world and someone will taruk her. I'm sure someone would, just a matter of time. Maybe someone close can taruk her, someone that she cares about his/her opinion of her. :\

Edit : I changed 'lempang' to 'taruk', it fits better that way. :P

 

But bulan Ramadhan kena buat baik kan? :|

 

Reading your conversations makes me think back to the time in the boarding school when I shared a room with a girl from Hong Kong and she spoke like that as well on the phone!

It was a mixture of English and Cantonese, so funny!

Sometimes I could get the gist of it, sometimes not at all. :lol:

[Zeya]

Yeah our language has the influence of Cantonese, especially the tone, seeing that we have a lot of Cantonese speaking people in our country :D