Jenjie

noooooooooo! i hate it, hate it, hate it. he's not funny, and very annoying

Some suggestions, if we're doing the same question slightly differently: What's the most memorable event from your time with Coldplay? Does the Oracle have a favourite Coldplay memory? When the Oracle retires, what Coldplay memory will you treasure? If the Oracle could pick one Coldplay related memory, what would it be? What Coldplay-related memory provides you with the most pleasure? If there was one Coldplay memory you would share with your grandchildren, what would it be?

except they're a much nicer colour than those

ty :kiss: if its not a protected page, feel free to update the link. if it is protected, just let me know which page & the new link :)

There's an opportunity to find out more, exclusive info about Phil. You need to find a UK Coldplaying member whose prepared to enter the Absolute Radio competition, and who is good enough to win. They're bound to meet him

There's no way I could do the question 1 & 2 combination. Question 3 is easy.

ooooooh i like that one :D

indeed :D any ideas?

and what I was, very badly, trying to say was that I think the questions are just picked at random. so the mass mailing works because the same questions is asked lots of times, so has greater odds of being picked

so, you're telling me that all that time you spend squirrelled away with your laptop isn't spent updating the site :thinking:

would have watched Lost in Austen but it clashes with Who Do You Think You Are would have watched the first episode of Tess but it clashed with Bring Back Star Wars I have every intention of watching Wuthering Heights, but can probably guarantee that'll clash with something too

okay, sooooooooo rummaging around, I've added 2 + 2 and come up with a theory. you have to be free to go to the studio on the morning of 25th. you'll be flying with the band on the 26th. there is no concert on the 25th. i'd hazard a guess that the judge could in fact be 4......

the two hosts attempts are pretty cool. I'd be interested to know who's judging the winner

cooooool new name and a fab new comp. we love ya Virgin/Absolute. and I'm the same as Mich. the world does not deserve to have to listen to my pathetic attempts at singing. it was bad enough when i speed talked at Ben

Dödsallvarligt och glädjesmittande Under onsdagskvällen visade arenarocken upp sitt allra varmaste ansikte i form av Coldplay på Globen. Arenasoftrock Coldplay Globen, onsdag Publik: 14 289. Bäst: Spelglädjen och Viva la vida. Sämst: Temposvackan som startar med In my place. Jag hade mina dubier och under den nära 50 minuter långa pausen efter uppvärmaren Albert Hammond Jr:s finfina klös på trippla gitarrer går tankarna till Roskilde för några år sedan, då två vänner bokstavligen stod och somnade framför Coldplay i sommarnatten. Mitt enda livemöte hittills. Så dundrar Life in technicolor igång och de dyker upp bakom ett genomskinligt draperi. Jublet får närapå kupolen att lyfta, spottar bländar och en jätteboll mitt över publikhavet lyser blå. I takt med tusentals lcd-displayer på kameror och mobiler. Violet Hill tar vid, nej attackerar innan Clocks möts av öronbedövande jubel. Chris Martin är på ett strålande humör, hoppar skuttar dansar, med eller utan gitarr eller piano. Ut på ramperna, runt i ring. Chosefri, helt utan trötta rockposer smörar han rejält i mellansnacket. Men det låter faktiskt som han är en precis så snäll och vänlig själ att jag köper det. Så långt tappar konserten en gnutta tempo och när Chris Martin viftar bort 42 med orden "alla okej så långt?" blir det svårt att ta hans dödsgrubblerier riktigt på allvar. Emellanåt kommer jag på mig själv med att titta mer på effekterna runtomkring än att lyssna på musiken. De må ha en rejäl bit kvar till U2:s (ö)kända arenashower, men nog har de funderat både en och två gånger på presentationen. Stora bollar snurrar, sänks och höjs och skiftar färg. Viva-omslagsbilden i fonden försvinner till förmån för en storbildsduk med växlande motiv. Därtill en radda infall och detaljer. Som en stråkkvartett på en 50-talsliknande tv. Plötsligt rusar alla fyra ut på sin vänstra ramp, där en intim liten klubbscen med Billie Jean-upplyst golv dykt upp som från ingenstans och kör God put a smile upon your face som ett tajt litet klubband. Tillbaks på stora scen. Viva la vida, drivande pukor och allsång från åtminstone 10 000 strupar, blodrött ljus och arenarocken visar upp sitt allra vackraste varmaste ansikte. Efter en tung och kraftfull Lost rusar de helt sonika ut bland publiken och upp på läktaren i bakre kurvan där de kör The scientist med banjo och munspel. Några låtar och ett gigantiskt konfettiregn senare tackar de, "syns i morgon" och bugar längst fram på scenkanten. Men kommer tillbaks för extranummer, Yellow vadande i konfetti och med falskt gitarrspel. Men vad gör det. Coldplay-fansen har firat julafton och jag, jag kan faktiskt inte sluta le. Patrik Andersson http://www.gp.se/gp/jsp/Crosslink.jsp?d=286&a=445899 ------------------------------------------- [translated by http://www.stars21.com]] Seriously, death and joy of catching During Wednesday evening showed up arena rock its very hottest face in the form of Coldplay at the Globe. Arena Soft Rock Coldplay Globe, Wednesday Audience: 14 289. Best Games excitement and Viva la far. Worst: Tempo recession that starts with in my place. I had my doubts and during the nearly 50-minute break after heaters Albert Hammond Jr. 's at INDISCRIMINATING DANDY trebles guitars are reminiscent of Roskilde a few years ago, when two friends literally stood and fell asleep in front of Coldplay in the summer night. My only live session so far. So thunders Life in TECHNICOLOR running and they appear behind a transparent curtain. Jubilation may be near the dome to take off, spitting aperture and a giant ball of my audience ocean blue lights. As thousands of LCD screens on cameras and mobile phones. Violet Hill takes in, no attack before the Clock face of deafening jubilation. Chris Martin is in a brilliant mood, jumping skuttar dancing, with or without a guitar or piano. Out on the ramps, around the ring. Chosefri, without tired rock posturing buttering him really bad among the talking. But it sounds really he is just so kind and friendly soul that I buy it. So far the concert lose a little momentum and when Chris Martin dismissed 42 with the words "all okay so far?" it will be difficult to take his death PONDERING really seriously. Occasionally, I find myself having to look at the effects around than to listen to the music. They may have a substantial way to go to U2's (in) famous arena shows, but they probably have wondered more than once on the presentation. Great balls spinning, lowered and raised, and changes color. Viva-artwork in the fund will disappear in favor of a storbildsduk with varying motives. By introducing Radda incident and details. As a string quartet on a 50-century-like television. Suddenly rushing all four on his left ramp, where an intimate little club scene with Billie Jean-lit floor appeared as from nowhere and run God put a smile upon your face as a tight little klubband. Back on the big stage. Viva la far, driving TIMPANI and singing from at least 10 000 throat, blood-red light and arena rock shows up on his most beautiful warm face. After a heavy and powerful Lost rushing they simply out among the audience and up on the grandstand in the back curve where they run The scientist with the banjo and harmonica. Some songs and a gigantic confetti rain later thank those, "appears in tomorrow" and bows at the front of the stage edge. But going back for extra numbers, Yellow vadande of confetti and a counterfeit guitar playing. But what makes it. Coldplay, the fans have celebrated Christmas Eve and I, I really can not stop smiling. Patrik Andersson

Coldplays konsert i Globen en högmässa "Om U2 på 80-talet förnyade skrivandet av moderna psalmer i rocktappning, så gör Coldplay samma sak fast 20 år senare." skriver HP:s recensent om konserten i Globen. MUSIK. Coldplay, Globen, Stockholm, 17 september 2008 Om U2 på 80-talet förnyade skrivandet av moderna psalmer i rocktappning, så gör Coldplay samma sak fast 20 år senare. Jag hinner tänka tanken när sångaren Chris Martin låter orgeltonerna i fantastiskt vackra ”Fix you” dåna ut över den 14 289 personer stora församlingen som i sin tur mangrant ställt sig upp i bänkarna för att sjunga den centrala textraden ”when you get what you want but not what you need”. På denna den första av två utsålda kvällar tillägnas låten dessutom trummisen Will Champions dotter som denna onsdag fyller två år. Och nej, det känns inte för ett ögonblick som vare sig publikfrieri eller ens effektsökeri utan blott och bart bandmedlemmar som känner sig extremt bekväma i rollen som 2000-talets senaste arenarockband. Efter att i samma lokal och för knappt två veckor sedan ha bevittnat en samling mer än lovligt trötta åskådares ickeinsats i sällskap med R.E.M., så är den ungdomliga publikens hysteriska hyllande hjärtevärmande. Majoriteten bland de närvarande köper att kvartetten inte alltid framför låtarna slaviskt enligt cd-versionerna men alla noterar kanske inte den lilla tv:n på scen som visualiserar det som bandet lagt på sequencers (stråkkvartetter och annat) eller att konfettin som sprutas ut över ståplatspubliken faktiskt är fluoroscerande och mångfärgade små pappersfjärilar. Men på något sätt är det bandets tanke bakom som räknas och den tränger fram mitt i all allsång. Mot slutet når Coldplay en höjdpunkt. Helt plötsligt rusar bandet genom publikhavet, upp för en trappa och till en liten scen som byggts i hallens bortre hörn. – De längst fram kan slippa behöva känna lukten av oss i tio minuter, skojar Chris som uppmanar de närmaste i publiken att inte ta bilder då såväl bilringar som gropar efter utklämda finnar kan synas. Mot slutet ramlar Chris in i refrängen till Robyn/Kleerups ”With every heartbeat” och vi tror – återigen – honom när han säger att det är en fantastisk låt. För vi har förstått att ord är alldeles för viktiga för att skoja med. TONY BALOGH http://www.hallandsposten.se/artikel.asp?oid=351676 -------- [translated by http://www.stars21.com] ColdPlays concert in the Globe a high mass "If U2 in the 80s re-writing of modern hymns in the rock filling, so do Coldplay same thing settled 20 years later." writes HP's reviewer of the concert in the Globe. Music. Coldplay, Globen, Stockholm, 17 September 2008 If U2 in the 80s re-writing of modern hymns in the rock filling, so do Coldplay same thing settled 20 years later. I can imagine when singer Chris Martin let the organ tones of extremely beautiful "Fix you" thunder out of the 14 289 persons large Assembly which, in turn, a man stood up in the benches to sing the central line "when you get what you want but Note what you need. " On this the first of two evenings devoted to utsålda song also drummer Will Champions daughter, who this Wednesday to two years. And no, it was not for a moment that neither audience wooing or even SHOWMANSHIP but merely band members who feel extremely comfortable in the role of 2000's last arena rock band. After that, in the same room and barely two weeks ago, have witnessed a collection of more than lawful tired åskådares non-intervention in the company of REM, as the youthful audience hysterical acclaimed heartwarming. The majority among those present to buy the Quartet is not always in front of the songs slavishly according to the CD versions, but all the notes may not be the little TV on the scene that visualizes it as the band put on sequencers (string quartets and otherwise) or to konfettin which sprayed out over the standing audience actually is fluorogenic and multi-colored small paper butterflies. But somehow, it is the band's philosophy behind that counts, and it penetrates the midst of a singsong. Towards the end Coldplay reaches a pinnacle. Suddenly the band rushes through the crowd the sea, up a staircase and a small stage built in the hall's far corner. - The front, can escape to smell us in ten minutes, joking Chris calling on the next in the audience not to take pictures when both TIRE which pits after utklämda Finns can be seen. In late fall Chris into the chorus to Robyn / Kleerups "With every heartbeat, and we believe - again - to him when he says that there is a great song. For we understand that words are too important to joke with. TONY BALOGH

Dubbel extas med Coldplay De försöker i alla fall variera sig. Inte mycket, men ändå: Halvvägs in i konserten sätter sig Chris Martin ensam bakom pianot och ger sig på en av bandets tidigaste låtar. Han sjunger en rad, men glömmer bort texten. Han sjunger två till - och kommer av sig. Sedan avbryter han sig själv med ett garv: - Låt det bli en läxa det där; Repa alltid innan du kommer till Stockholm. Det blir "The hardest part" i stället. Precis som i onsdags. Men det vore synd att klaga. Ingen kommer till Coldplays andra konsert med förhoppningar om att de plötsligt blivit Bruce Springsteen; att de kan byta ut tio låtar efter humör och vara jukebox för publikens önskningar. Kväll två med Coldplay är ett karbonpapper på kväll ett. Inledningen bjuder på en rad visuella små mästerverk, men bandet svajar till ibland. Sen kommer lyftet, och konserten når en första kulmen i den majestätiska "Fix you" - där allsången nästan dränker ljudet från bandet, Beatles-style. Och efter den lilla new wave-picknicken på en liten scen ute i det sångsugna publikhavet blir det dubbel extas under mäktiga "Viva la vida" och maffiga "Lost!". Avslutningen är uppvisning. Coldplays utflykt upp på läktarna är förvisso mer rolig än bra, men extranumren är fantastiska. "Politik" väger tyngre än bly. "Lovers in Japan", med enormt konfettiregn, är en ny gigant och avslutande "Yellow" överträffar onsdagsversion med 187 procent. Jag är imponerad, igen. Här är låtarna dag 2: Life in technicolor Violet hill Clocks In my place Speed of sound Cemeteries of London Chinese sleep chant 42 Fix you Strawberry swing God put a smile upon your face Talk Trouble The hardest part Postcards from far away Viva la vida Lost! The scientist Death will never conquer Extranummer: Politik Lovers in Japan Reign of love Death and all his friends Extra extranummer: Yellow Anders Nunstedt http://www.expressen.se/noje/recensioner/konsert/1.1304946/dubbel-extas-med-coldplay --------- Double ecstatic with Coldplay They are trying in all cases vary itself. Not much, but still: Halfway into the concert itself Chris Martin alone behind the piano and goes on one of the band's early songs. He sings a number, but forget the text. He sings two to - and will by itself. Then he interrupts himself to a tanning: - Let it be a lesson there; Repo always before you get to Stockholm. It is "The Hardest Part" instead. Just as in Wednesday. But it would be a shame to complain. No one comes to Cold Plays second concert with the hope that they suddenly become Bruce Springsteen; that they can replace ten songs by mood and jukebox for the public's wishes. Evening two with Coldplay is a carbon paper in the evening one. The Introduction offers a series of small visual masterpiece, but the band svajar to sometimes. Then the lifting, and the concert reached a first climax in the majestic "Fix you" - ie where ngen nearly drowning the sound of the band, Beatles-style. And after that little new wave picnic on a little scene out there in the audience singing sugna sea, it will be double ecstasy during the mighty "Viva la far" and MAFF "Lost!". The closure is a showcase. Cold Plays outing up in the stands is certainly more fun than good, but the extra numbers are superb. "Politics" weighs heavier than lead. "Lovers in Japan", with enormous confetti rain, is a new giant and final "Yellow" surpassing Wednesday's version by 187 percent. I am impressed, again. Here are the songs on day 2: Life in technicolor Violet hill Clocks In my place Speed of sound Cemeteries of London Chinese sleep chant 42 Fix you Strawberry swing God put a smile upon your face Talk Trouble The hardest part Postcards from far away Viva la vida Lost! The scientist Death will never conquer Encore: Politik Lovers in Japan Reign of love Death and all his friends Second Encore: Yellow

Magnifikt Coldplay! En kvæll 2003 på Roskildefestivalen upplevde jag något magiskt. Coldplay stod på Orangea scenen och levererade en fantastisk konsert. Æn idag ger det, vid bara minnet, mig gåshud. Igår var det dags igen. Jag skulle æn en gång få uppleva det storslagna med bandet Coldplay. Konserten blev snabbt utsåld och en extrakonsert sattes in. Den førsta konserten var i onsdags och det tænkte jag, detta kan vara dåligt. Køra i samma lokal, i samma land, två dagar i rad. Kommer dom kanske vara lite trøtta? Spara på krutet? Det visade sig att det blev NEJ på båda av mina farhågor! Coldplay med Chris Martin i spetsen gav oss storslagen rock med alla attribut som tillhør ett band i deras storlek. Bara det faktum att Globen var slutsåld sæger en del om hur stora coldplay ær. Det var mærktes att det nyligen varit skivslæpp før många av låtarna i repetoaren var från Viva la vida. Men æven en del gamla godingar smøg sig in från tidigare skivor. Men det ær først nær låten Fix you drar igång som publiken verkligen verkar førstå vad det handlar om. 14000 personer står upp, sjunger, skriker och bara totalt hænførs av en av de bæsta Coldplay låtarna. Nær gitarrerna går igång står jag rakt upp och ner, ryser till och sedan børjar tårarna rulla. Det ær magiskt, vackert och storslaget. Sen gør coldplay något ovæntat. Dom førflyttar sig ut på en av ramperna och sætter igång med ett ganska mærkligt spel. Med elektroniska trummor och ett blinkande golv bakar dom ihop låtarna God put a smile uppon your face och talk. Ovæntat från Coldplay men samtidigt blir jag imponerad eftersom jag gillar att dom inte gør som jag kanske hade førvæntat mig. Men det mest magiska av allt var nær "viva la vida" børjar spelas. En hel glob står och ylar som om det vore fotbollsmatch man var på. Det ær dessutom den slingan som efter det skulle ylas många gånger efter den låten. Rent scenmæssigt har Coldplay slagit på alla publikfrierier som man bara kan tænka sig. Det sænks ner stora bollar från taket som sedan belyses. Det kørs en lasershow på motsatt sida av scenen. Chris pratar svenska, beundrar publikens sånginsatser, frågar många gånger om hur vi mår. Dom går ut och stæller sig i publiken och kør två låtar aukustiskt, The scientist och Death will never conquer. Den senare får trummisen æran att sjunga medans Chris Martin spelar munspel. Detta ær ju hæftigt men det bæsta kommer bland det sista. Ett fantastiskt vackert konfettiregn. Under låten Lovers in Japan sprutas det ut en mængd konfettifjærilar som sedan i ultraviolett ljus lyser otroligt vackert. Jag vill sæga att jag i stort sett hade kunnat betala bara før att se det konfettiregnet igen. Men bara næstan! Nær coldplay spelar sista numret Yellow står jag med ett leende på læpparna och længtar redan efter næsta konsert! Så många kænslor som gick igenom min kropp den kvællen ær det bara positivt! http://festivalinfo.se/?sida=blogga&bid=1407 [translation by http://www.stars21.com] Magnificent Coldplay! A kvæll 2003 at the Roskilde Festival I experienced something magical. Coldplay was on the Orange stage and delivered a fantastic concert. AEN today gives it, at only memory, me goose bumps. Yesterday, it was time again. I would AEN once to experience the great with the band Coldplay. The concert was quickly sold out and an extra concert was deployed. The first concert was on Wednesday and the tænkte me, this can be bad. Running in the same room, in the same country, two days in a row. Will they might be a little tired? Save the effort? It turned out that there was NO on both of my concerns! Coldplay with Chris Martin the lead gave us a big rock with all the attributes that belong to a band of their size. Just the fact that the Globe was sold out sæger part on how much cold play Aer. It was mærke to the recently been skivslæpp for many of the songs in repetoaren was from Viva la far. But æven some Golden oldies smog themselves from the previous discs. But the Aer først nær song Fix you come up as the audience really seems to understand what it is about. 14,000 people standing up, singing, screaming and just total hænførs of one of the bæsta Coldplay songs. Nær guitars are running, I am straight up and down, to shudder and then the tears start to roll. The Aer magical, beautiful and great. Then improves their cold play any ovæntat. They move out on one of the ramps and sætter started with a rather mærke games. With electronic drums and a flashing floor bake them together songs God put a smile uppon your face and talk. Ovæntat from Coldplay, but I will be impressed because I like the fact that they do not do that maybe I had førvæntat me. But the most magical of all was nær "viva la far" play. " An entire globe stands and ylar as if it were football match it was on. The Aer addition, the wire after which it would ylas many times after that song. Rent scenmæssigt have Coldplay turned on all the audience frierier as one could tænka itself. It sænks down-sized balls from the ceiling, which was then lighted. It runs a laser show on the opposite side of the stage. Chris speaks Swedish, admiring audience singing efforts, asking many times about how we feel. They go out and stæller in the audience and runs two songs aukustiskt, The scientist and Death will never Conquer. The latter may drummer æran to sing while Chris Martin plays harmonica. This is Aer hæftigt but it bæsta among the last. A fantastic beautiful confetti rain. During the song Lovers in Japan injected it a mængde konfettifjærilar then UV lights incredibly beautiful. I want sæga that I had in general been able to pay just to see the confetti rain again. But just næstan! Nær cold play play Yellowhammer last edition, I am with a smile on læpparna and Length already after næsta concert! So many kænslor that went through my body the kvællen Aer the only positive!

husband - don't think you need me to tell you about him!!! :D parents - aren't really bothered either way sister & brother-in-law - again aren't particularly bothered

Spotted a make your homepage beautiful link on google. http://www.google.co.uk/help/ig/art/ I very much like the Radiohead one. Stella McCartney's is quite cool too

i think the reason i liked Boromir was because he was Sean Bean :laugh3:

The Fellowship of the Ring was good. I got stuck in The Two Towers and never got any further. The films are amazing though

The producer of at least three television shows that you may quite like shares with us his definitive list of books that just aren't worth the bother Richard Wilson Recommended lists of ‘essential’ reading are the most pernicious ‘to do’ lists of all. Lists of physical achievements or magical holiday destinations or wonderful restaurants or fabulous hotels make you feel like your life has been wasted; a list of great books you should have read makes you feel like your brain has been wasted. Most people embarking on a journey into a new book will feel they have to hack through a hundred pages of dense undergrowth before their conscience will allow them to give it up as a lost cause. But how many people feel secure enough in their own judgment even to do that? How many times have we all ploughed on to the end to find there’s actually no treasure after all? A book, even a useless one, can take several days out of your life so it’s a big investment. The best way to fight the massed ranks of recommended books is with an offensively glib and, if possible, ill-informed reason for not bothering with them. 10: Ulysses – James Joyce There’s a brilliant scene in the much-underrated sitcom It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum, when Sergeant Major Williams (Windsor Davies) snatches a book from Mr La-di-dah Gunner Graham and says: ‘What’s this you’re reading? Useless?’ ‘Ulysses, Sergeant Major.’ At school I remember my English teacher saying that he knew no one who had managed to get to the end of it. It does sound rubbish, doesn’t it? I’d have thought it was the duty of a great book to drag you along to the last page. But in a way, that’s good to know: if it’s famously hard going you have the perfect excuse not to bother with it. 9: Lord of the Rings – J R R Tolkien The best I can say about this book is that it was a very useful tool at school for helping to choose your friends. Carrying a copy of Tolkien’s monstrous tome was the equivalent of a leper’s bell: ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ I knew I would have nothing in common with anyone who had read it. Their taste in music, clothes, television, everything was predetermined by their devotion to Gandalf. Without a shadow of a doubt, in a few years, these people would be going to Peter Gabriel gigs and reading Dune. 8: For Whom the Bell Tolls – Ernest Hemingway The Hemingway style is impressive at first. Simple sentences with few descriptions. They avoid adverbs and adjectives and, as a change from the over-elaborate works of Dickens and Austen, it’s OK for a while. Then you realise it’s a bit dry and boring and the more you find out about Hemingway, the more you realise he was a bore too: a terrible macho bore obsessed with bullfighting, guns, boxing and trying to catch big fish; really quite a tiresome bloke you wouldn’t want to spend time with. 7: À la Recherche du Temps Perdu – Marcel Proust Yes, yes, he tasted a biscuit that made him think of childhood, we’ve all done that. If I want to remember my childhood I look at some photographs. 6: The Dice Man – Luke Reinhart Basically, this fairly unpleasant bloke does whatever his dice tell him to do, which is often quite terrible. But there’s a flaw in the structure of this book. He writes down an option for each number of the dice and then lets the dice decide what he should do. ‘Throw a six and rape the woman upstairs’?! How did that get on his list of things to do? If he’d written down, ‘Throw a six and have three crispy pancakes for tea’ he wouldn’t have got into so much trouble. 5: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – Hunter S Thompson Dreary ramblings of an unreliable and workshy tosspot. Its sole distinction consists in the creation of ‘Gonzo journalism’, which made it OK for journalists, particularly rock journalists, to get shit-faced with whoever they happened to be writing about. 4: The Beauty Myth – Naomi Wolff I don’t know if Naomi is a genuine academic – I couldn’t be arsed to Google her – if she is, she is probably Emeritus Professor of the bleeding obvious. The Beauty Myth is about how women feel under pressure to look good and lose weight. There you go. That’s it. I could get a similarly sophisticated level of socio-political analysis from the fishwives on Loose Women. 3: War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy Way, way too long. 2: The Iliad -- Homer The very idea that you are somehow culturally incomplete without knowledge of Homer is ridiculous. The Iliad is one of the most boring books ever written and it’s not just a boring book, it’s a boring epic poem; all repetitive battle scenes with a lot of reproaching and challenging and utterances escaping the barrier of one’s teeth and nostrils filling with dirt and helmet plumes nodding menacingly. There’s a big fight between Achilles and Hector and that’s about it. 1: Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen From what I can gather it’s Mills and Boon from the olden days, and really boring Mills and Boon at that. I did try reading a Jane Austen novel once, but it hadn’t got going by fifty pages so I guiltily gave up; the characters spoke in a very oblique way and it seemed to be all about hypocrisy and manners and convention; worse than that, it was really difficult to find the doing word in a sentence. Taken From Can’t Be Arsed: 101 Things Not to Do Before You Die by Richard Wilson (Portico Books, £9.99). Illustrations © Jack Noel. http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/book_extracts/article4773601.ece?token=null&offset=12&page=2

We're not the only ones: Ikea opening: Three die in Saudi shop stampede http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3618190.stm Carrefour (China): Three die in China sale stampede http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7088718.stm

A Derbyshire man is angry after his 40th birthday plans were upset when an airline rearranged his short break so he only had half an hour in Poland. Ian Dack from Long Eaton booked flights with bmibaby from East Midlands Airport to celebrate his birthday but the firm changed the details. The airline e-mailed Mr Dack to tell him his new flight would leave almost immediately after he landed. The airline apologised and said it was trying to resolve the matter. Mr Dack and his friends had planned to fly out on a Monday and return on a Wednesday. "They e-mailed to say they'd cancelled all the Monday flights and they offered me a flight out on the Wednesday and a flight back half an hour later on the same day. "We just couldn't believe it. There seemed to be no way of getting in touch with them to discuss it or anything." Disappointment He tried to contact the company on the phone but a recorded message told him that he would have to write to the company's head office in Leicestershire. "I've written four times now and not heard anything back. I've not had any response, so I'm very disappointed." In a statement, a bmibaby spokesperson said: "The bmibaby service...was cancelled due to operational reasons. "We accept that in this instance, the [alternative] dates provided by our system were unsuitable. "We would like to apologise for the delay in responding to Mr Dack's letters and recognise that this is not in line with the normal high levels of service that people expect from bmibaby." Mr Dack and his friends have now booked a trip to Prague with a different airline. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/derbyshire/7624274.stm