that was good to be back.

that song is stuck :bomb: 3 days now.

 

DON'T PANIC! everything will be all right

:anxious:

Just figured out the chords for Paradise on piano in D minor. SQUEEEEEEE!!! (But can't do it solo, so I'll have to talk friends into learning harmonies...YYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!)

 

Oh Lord, did I just say 'Squee'? Yup, I did. SQUEEEEEEE! :D

I am so fucking happy. :wacky:

But for how long?

I really like Radiohead. :surprised:

 

 

I need new albums.

Oh so it seems that Helle Thorning will win

 

I'm so glad that she won. :wacky:

yet another day of work...

 

 

...I really need a break/day off soon.

dp

I wonder if I've made the right decision of what to do for today.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Of course the university I want to go to ends up being an expensive private university. That could actually be the best environment for me though, and I seem to have my heart set on it and be refusing to even consider anything else. I should probably take a year after I graduate to work and get some money. I should start making it now. It's nice that I'll have Voc Rehab to help me with all this at least. It's also awesome that that university has all those disability services for students there.

don't panic, everything will be fine, just don't panic!!!

i hate that feel, ugh, so weird.

think i'll just spend my day alone

unless you need some fucking cups

i feel weird and bad and there's nothing i can find to listen to that feels right, why do i keep searching?

let me leave and be alone all night when all of my friends are off doing cool things together

as if i wanted to be alone

well, i'll punish you guys by never ever hanging out with you

because that always works

you weren't talking to me at all because you were hanging out with my friends

now i've been in here while my boyfriend complains about me not hanging out with them today

and watching the game

i don't care

i'm going to sleep

i think there's something wrong with me

i'm hungry

i have a really bad cold

i am crying because nobody wants me around

unless they need cups

it wasn't "come hang out with us we like you"

it was "go get cups and bring them here"

maybe i don't get friendship or something

but now i'm just sad

nobody in this world will ever want me around

i'm being ridiculous but sometimes i just have to

nobody wants me around because i'm sad and pathetic and weird and not funny and i just want to die now

i deserve to be alone all the time because if i didn't i wouldn't be

i want you around come be my friend :sad:

i want you around come be my friend :sad:

 

:sad:

i can't get to you :disappointed:

:sad: :sad: :sad:

:sad:

 

is it normal to feel like a total burden to everyone and feel like people only hang out with you because they feel bad for you? i don't think so :|

well, it is for me :|

^It was for me for a long time and still is sometimes, but it's not true and you need to tell yourself that. :)

 

Thinking I'd better buy cat food soon.

I'm also thinking I need to log off when certain people are around if I go out to buy cat food. :)

 

EDIT: Make your own account,silly!

I am thinking I wish my new neighbor was a retired senior citizen, instead of a young bachelor holding parties at this hour....I HATE anyone disturbing my peace in my own home

It's funny how discovering something I wrote over 2 years ago can have such a profound impact on me now. Perhaps it's not just what was written but I remember in detail that night, the feeling and everything I thought about. These writings are scattered all over my room, painting a picture, almost an outline of my last few years in this cage of a room.

Two years have passed and nothing’s changed, that’s alright

There is only one thing that has yet to be said, I am holding back

Una mas

I'm a liar.

Well, tomorrow is my first day of volunteering since I've been knocked down a few notches and had to carry the weight of my mistakes and foolish pride on my shoulders. I'm going to be the best damn child sponsorshippy person I can be, or maybe even better. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do...

 

------------------------------------------------

You do yourself a disservice. You try to protect yourself, but you're like the kid whose parents keep you excessively clean and don't let you get in contact with dirt. The dirt builds up your immunity, it's a good thing.

 

You place so much importance on the "not of this world" thing, create your own subculture and fence everything of it inside with your kind. All you get across is that you want nothing to do with the people of differing beliefs to you. I just want to pop your little bubble you refuse to leave. Of course you're seen the way that you are and as different, you go out of your way to establish that and alienate yourself. You've built a wall, when did it become about you? It's like how the homosexuals fight for equality and to be seen as the same of everyone else, and then they have these parades and things and make such a point and place so much emphasis on that aspect of themselves that it's really quite counterproductive (nothing at all against them, I just like to make comparisons and such).

 

The church is so many steps behind the world and culture because they sit on the sidelines and focus so much on what doesn't matter, try so hard not to offend, try so hard to have a good image, and either have no or are afraid to present any ideas. They shy away from change and progress. Paul's letters were not full of old-fashioned ideas that he made sure were as inoffensive as possible, they were full of things and ideas that were radical in those times. This is what it needs to be. You ever stop to think that maybe not conforming to the world should be more about trailblazing that avoiding?

 

What's sad is that a lot of these people would read this, and the thing they would care about most is things like that I said "when the hell" or "damn". That, my friends, is the problem here.

 

 

I sound like a nut. :|

Well, tomorrow is my first day of volunteering since I've been knocked down a few notches and had to carry the weight of my mistakes and foolish pride on my shoulders. I'm going to be the best damn child sponsorshippy person I can be, or maybe even better. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do...

 

------------------------------------------------

You do yourself a disservice. You try to protect yourself, but you're like the kid whose parents keep you excessively clean and don't let you get in contact with dirt. The dirt builds up your immunity, it's a good thing.

 

You place so much importance on the "not of this world" thing, create your own subculture and fence everything of it inside with your kind. All you get across is that you want nothing to do with the people of differing beliefs to you. I just want to pop your little bubble you refuse to leave. Of course you're seen the way that you are and as different, you go out of your way to establish that and alienate yourself. You've built a wall, when did it become about you? It's like how the homosexuals fight for equality and to be seen as the same of everyone else, and then they have these parades and things and make such a point and place so much emphasis on that aspect of themselves that it's really quite counterproductive (nothing at all against them, I just like to make comparisons and such).

 

The church is so many steps behind the world and culture because they sit on the sidelines and focus so much on what doesn't matter, try so hard not to offend, try so hard to have a good image, and either have no or are afraid to present any ideas. They shy away from change and progress. Paul's letters were not full of old-fashioned ideas that he made sure were as inoffensive as possible, they were full of things and ideas that were radical in those times. This is what it needs to be. You ever stop to think that maybe not conforming to the world should be more about trailblazing that avoiding?

 

What's sad is that a lot of these people would read this, and the thing they would care about most is things like that I said "when the hell" or "damn". That, my friends, is the problem here.

 

 

I sound like a nut. :|

 

No. You don't. This is how I was raised, and how my Mother still acts and believes. I wish I could email this to her, but she'd only tear it apart and say you were too 'liberal'. CLosed hearts, closed minds, closed doors. Then they wonder why people don't listen.

let's move so there's less religious people and more people in a relationship.