ok an englishman an irishman and a scottish man all walk into bar.....and live happily ever after :D

I'll see if I can come up with one.

"Hey," said a new arrival in the pub, "I've got some great Irish jokes."

 

"Before you start," said the big bloke in the corner, ", I'm Irish."

 

"Don't worry," said the newcomer, "I'll tell them slowly."

Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captains voice came over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There's nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick."

 

Five minutes later he said, "Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late."

 

A moment later, "Er...sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected."

 

One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we'll be here all night ?"

 

 

:lol: :lol:

A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didn't feel that the natives were very friendly. "At three o'clock every morning," he told a friend, "they hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Sometimes they hammered so loud I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes."

There are many theories about the bagpipes, otherwise known as the missing link between music and noise. Some say they were invented by a Scotsman who trod on his cat and liked the noise. Others claim that they are based on the noise made by a dying octopus. The truth is, however, that they were given to the Scots by the Irish as a joke -but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet!

^ theyre quite good actually lol anyway im off for the night have a round on me :D

 

 

Edit: im not to happy bout the scottish ones though...i hate the bagpipes :D

Jamie burst into the house and proudly announced to his father, "I ran home behind the bus and saved ten pence." To which his father replied, "You could have done better son. You could have run home behind a taxi and saved five pounds."

@the bagpipe explanation

wait really?

Jamie burst into the house and proudly announced to his father, "I ran home behind the bus and saved ten pence." To which his father replied, "You could have done better son. You could have run home behind a taxi and saved five pounds."

 

DUDE!! TOO funny! Lol

 

*Chest bursts*

 

Next round's on me

@the bagpipe explanation

wait really?

 

Yeah but shush, keep it on the quiet ok?

 

In truth, we have the Illen (sp?) pipes that sound...gentler on the ear but some still say the sound of a cat in hysterics is nicer...

:lol:

Great jokes guys !

I'm almost at 1,000 posts !

Let's drink something ! :D

Yeah i love the scotsman jokes..:lol:

Do you have other ones ?

I have heaps here.

An English silver expert travelling in Scotland was asked if he would like to look at the trophies won by the Scottish national soccer team. He replied that he wasn't interested in antiques.

A Scotsman won a toilet brush as the booby prize in a raffle. He had never won anything before, though, so he was delighted. A few weeks later a friend asked if he was getting much use from the toilet brush. "Well," came the reply, "I don't think much of it. I think I'll go back to using toilet paper."

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.

 

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

 

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

 

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING BASTARD!!!"

 

 

 

 

There were three wannabe astronauts, a Russian, an American and an Irishman, sitting in a bar.

 

The Russian says "Us Russians are the best because we were the first in orbit."

 

The American says "Us Americans are the best because we were the first on the moon."

 

Then the Irishman says, "Well us Irish are going to be the first on the sun."

 

With that the American and the Russian look at the Irishman and say "You'll get burnt you idiot."

 

The Irishman replies, "We're going at night ya morons!"

these jokes are actually funny

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?

 

The photograph is fully developed!

 

 

 

Never ask a foreigner where he is from. If he is not english he will tell you within a few minutes, and if he is English, why embarrass him?

 

Have you heard about the thrill seeking Englishman?

 

He ate his After eight mints at half-past seven!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you heard about the Englishman who bought a grandfather clock?

 

He sat by the clock every hour waiting for the grandfather to come out and tell him the time!

Great ones ! :lol:

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?

 

The photograph is fully developed!

 

 

 

Never ask a foreigner where he is from. If he is not english he will tell you within a few minutes, and if he is English, why embarrass him?

 

Have you heard about the thrill seeking Englishman?

 

He ate his After eight mints at half-past seven!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you heard about the Englishman who bought a grandfather clock?

 

He sat by the clock every hour waiting for the grandfather to come out and tell him the time!

 

 

Rick, dude, I'm getting you a beer on the house.

 

*Dabs forehead with wet cloth - thank God its not just me getting slagged off anymore!*

Finnish flat tyre

 

Antero is driving down the road when 'boom' he gets a flat tyre. "Saatana" he says, and after discovering he doesn't have a jack, he decides to walk down the road and try to borrow one from someone.

 

As he's walking, he's thinking "Damn, they probably won't have one." He walks a little further, and the growing suspicion increases... "I BET they don't have one". He walks further... "DAMN IT, I'm sure they won't have one, and if they did they wouldn't lend it to me anyway."

 

Finally he reaches a cottage, picks up a rock and hurls it through the window, shouting "KEEP YOUR BLOODY JACK!!"

 

 

 

 

Q. What does FIAT stand for?

A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

 

 

 

The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.

 

However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.

 

Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".

 

A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:

 

" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"

 

"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"

Hahaha nah dude,try and keep it mixed..:lol:

Hahaha nah dude,try and keep it mixed..:lol:

 

Ah well, its still on the house lol