Chicken on a bun. Chicken on a bun.

 

You should add that part.

Looks great! but I'd get rid of the "How lucky I am" part. Add a part that rhymes maybe?

 

All I want from you is a minute of your time

To steal myself away from this mountain I have to climb

One day we'll lose each other

And I'll be sorry that

I never said goodbye

 

When I see my reflection in your eyes

Life doesn't go so fast

When I see my reflection in your eyes

I'm cut loose from the mast

(or You cut me loose from the mast)

^^:lol:

 

I'll put that in he background vocals at the golden ratio of the song and see in anyone notices :lol:

 

^ Yeah, that works a lot better! :nod:

 

I'm thinking first part of that is the chorus and second part is the bridge.

 

So now I need verses!

Some girl will swoon over you guys.

 

(Not sure who I will swoon)

Pretty nice collaboration

Thank you. I have already swoon'ed over somebody so I feel lucky. :)

 

James, I'll work on some more, then we ca combine our lyrics

I have no one to swoon over :disappointed:

 

Oh well, being single's pretty cool right now :nod:

 

Hmm verses.....

You're shackled down when you're not alone James. wait..damn that would be a good line in a verse! :lol:

:lol:

 

Yes it would..... :surprised:

Already got it down :sneaky:

Haha..... :sneaky:

You're shackled down when you're not alone

You're cold as (something that rhymes with alone)

 

But there's something warm inside of you... ?

Here's what I got. Don't ask why..I was thinking of mountains when I named the song for us.

 

K2

 

All I want (from you) is a minute of your time

To steal myself away from this mountain I have to climb

One day we'll lose ourselves in each other

Nobody will ever see another

 

When I see my reflection in your eyes

Life doesn't go by (so) fast

When I see my reflection in your eyes

You cut me loose from the mast

 

You're chained down when you're not alone

(But baby) I'm gonna love you down to the bone

Ooh nice title! :awesome:

Thanks, I added 2 words in ( )'s near the end. I think the 3rd part needs a few more lines then it's good.

Are you thinking a sort of non chorus song with like 3 verses?

 

Or are these the verses? And we still need a chorus?

 

Or something else?

Just 3 verses and you play the whole thing twice. Like Cast No Shadow by Oasis.

What do you think?

Actually that's a good idea :nod:

 

Now we just need those two more lines... Hmm...

Yep. I have some..but they're bad. Need to rewrite it.

The only idea I've got is doing something like

 

You're shackled down when you're not alone

But baby I'm gonna love you down to the bone

And I'm shackled down when I'm not alone

But I'm still gonna love you down to the bone

^^"to he bone":D

Damn you typos! :whip::lol:

That's good, that's good. I just re did it a bit. What about?

 

All I want (from you) is a minute of your time

To steal myself away from this mountain I have to climb

One day we'll lose ourselves in each other

You're chained down when you're not alone

But I'm gonna set you free and love you down to the bone

 

When I see my reflection in your eyes

Life doesn't go by (so) fast

When I see my reflection in your eyes

I'm cut loose from the mast

That's perfect!

 

Only I feel like there should be a line either before or after the "one day..."

I wanna listen to it:idea2: