Best u Can Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Chicken on a bun. Chicken on a bun. You should add that part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Looks great! but I'd get rid of the "How lucky I am" part. Add a part that rhymes maybe? All I want from you is a minute of your time To steal myself away from this mountain I have to climb One day we'll lose each other And I'll be sorry that I never said goodbye When I see my reflection in your eyes Life doesn't go so fast When I see my reflection in your eyes I'm cut loose from the mast (or You cut me loose from the mast) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 ^^:lol: I'll put that in he background vocals at the golden ratio of the song and see in anyone notices :lol: ^ Yeah, that works a lot better! :nod: I'm thinking first part of that is the chorus and second part is the bridge. So now I need verses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best u Can Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Some girl will swoon over you guys. (Not sure who I will swoon) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best u Can Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Pretty nice collaboration Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Thank you. I have already swoon'ed over somebody so I feel lucky. :) James, I'll work on some more, then we ca combine our lyrics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I have no one to swoon over :disappointed: Oh well, being single's pretty cool right now :nod: Hmm verses..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 You're shackled down when you're not alone James. wait..damn that would be a good line in a verse! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 :lol: Yes it would..... :surprised: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Already got it down :sneaky: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Haha..... :sneaky: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 You're shackled down when you're not alone You're cold as (something that rhymes with alone) But there's something warm inside of you... ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Here's what I got. Don't ask why..I was thinking of mountains when I named the song for us. K2 All I want (from you) is a minute of your time To steal myself away from this mountain I have to climb One day we'll lose ourselves in each other Nobody will ever see another When I see my reflection in your eyes Life doesn't go by (so) fast When I see my reflection in your eyes You cut me loose from the mast You're chained down when you're not alone (But baby) I'm gonna love you down to the bone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Ooh nice title! :awesome: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Thanks, I added 2 words in ( )'s near the end. I think the 3rd part needs a few more lines then it's good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Are you thinking a sort of non chorus song with like 3 verses? Or are these the verses? And we still need a chorus? Or something else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Just 3 verses and you play the whole thing twice. Like Cast No Shadow by Oasis. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Actually that's a good idea :nod: Now we just need those two more lines... Hmm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Yep. I have some..but they're bad. Need to rewrite it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 The only idea I've got is doing something like You're shackled down when you're not alone But baby I'm gonna love you down to the bone And I'm shackled down when I'm not alone But I'm still gonna love you down to the bone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 ^^"to he bone":D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Damn you typos! :whip::lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spider-Man Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 That's good, that's good. I just re did it a bit. What about? All I want (from you) is a minute of your time To steal myself away from this mountain I have to climb One day we'll lose ourselves in each other You're chained down when you're not alone But I'm gonna set you free and love you down to the bone When I see my reflection in your eyes Life doesn't go by (so) fast When I see my reflection in your eyes I'm cut loose from the mast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarningSign42 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 That's perfect! Only I feel like there should be a line either before or after the "one day..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I wanna listen to it:idea2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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