The Faceman

Oysters, quales eggs and endangered species for me only im afraid. Panda is my fave.

Yeah, I knew a bloke who practiced safe sex all the time. Still didn't stop him from dying in a horrific garden related accident.

Not really, baby's hands aren't really what I'd class as fine cuisine.

Touche Sam, touche.

Well my nephew just put his hand in my mouth, so it is no longer toast. Although the smell of Bacon is wafting through the air so it'll change again soon.

Then put something exciting in your mouth. I'm sure that you can come up with something.

I think you'll find that I used the correct spelling. As I'm in the British army, you tend to know these things. Then again you Americans have bastardised our language for far too long. You don't even have a U in colour.

Not very exciting is it? Last thing in my mouth was toast but I'm going to make a bacon sarnie in a bit. I just can't get enough of those little pink animals. Tasty.

It's definitley my favourite piece by them. It's certainly a timeless classic.

I believe the correct term would be You'd be a shit mod then again I don't know what ghetto slang you youngsters are coming up with nowadays.

Ha, You'll find no predjudice from me my dear. I was mearly hazarding a guess as to what was the last thing in your mouth. As Bratwursts are the staple diet of my Aerian cousins I'd have thought that it would be the best guess. Sorry if I was sticking to the point. So what was the last thing that you had in your mouth?

Ha, so my teutonic nemesis returns. How is your day going Gitta? eaten any bratwursts lately?

You had an idiot in your mouth? how did that work exactly? fellatio would be my best guess.

U2 - Bono is a prick (taken from the album - we haven't released a good song in 15 years)

It took me quite a few years to become the master of deceit that you see before you. It just comes naturally to me...............shit, I just realised. Diagnosis Murder is on BBC1 in 15 minutes. I'd have been gutted if I'd missed my daily injection of medical based sleuthing. The countdown followed by Deal or no Deal. Has daytime television ever had a lineup this strong before? I doubt it.

Yo' Momma!!

Panpipes: The sound of the movies - Theme tune from Willow

Sam you must understand, this is purely from a medical point of view. Maybe you remeber me pretending to be a doctor, just one of my many guises during my time with The A-Team. Plus we all know that I am a master when it comes to female anatomy.

Gianluca Zambrotta featuring The Shirley MacLaine experience - L'amore means I love you.

Satisfying

So what's the matter? let Dr Faceman take a look. Is it "that time of the month"?

Laters dude.

Hairy

It's a win, win situation in my opinion Sam. I've never seen such a sure thing in all my years. Even in the Casinos of Monaco and Vegas. Alan is a shoe in for the title of moderator.