I have been debating whether or not I should post this on the board, but I figured there is no harm and maybe some of you would have something insightul to add.

 

My bf wants to take a break from our relationship after 3 years of being together. He feels smothered by me, he feels like he can't be alone, he feels like he doesn't know who he is anymore. We've had our problems here and there, and he says it hasn't been getting better. But to me they are just petty small things that would be fixed.

 

I feel like guys let everything pile up and do not fix things right away. When I have a problem with us, I think that I approached him about it right away, and tried to fix it, so not to make it worse and let it affect us in the long-term. I am devastated by this news and hearing how he feels. I thought I could be with this person for my life, I love him dearly. He is a wonderful person and I feel extremely hurt by this.

 

He has left for a couple of days to clear his head, he didn't tell me where he was going, just packed his bags. I told him that if this taking time off is just a nicer way of breaking up with me, then I would prefer that he tell me straight out that he wants to end it. He said that he doesnt know. I feel like he doesn't want to do this in his heart, but he is just so confused and doesn't know what he wants.

 

There is more to it of course, but that is the shortened version....any advice?

right now all you can do is wait til he gets back, but the fact that he hasnt said anything straight out is hopefull. three years is a long time to throw away, and the argument, to me, sounds so incredibly futile!! i mean how could you NOT resolve that. but youre right though, guys do hold it in, and then they explode, and we get mad. the fault doesnt lie with you-the majority of it is him if he doesnt care to tell you how he is really feeling.

 

but like i said, wait for him to get back, because you cant do anything right now

That's true. You have to let people make up their own mind. You can't force the issue, however much you don't like it.

I told him that people can be in relationships and still have time alone, to themselves, they can go out and have fun with their friends alone, etc. He feels like he always has to check in with me. He says that he is a solitary person and he just wants to be alone like he used to be when he was single. He just wants to be able to fart without being yelled at. I told him, FART ALL YOU WANT!!! I DONT CARE!!! Honestly.

 

I mean, these are just silly things, but they build up to him. Like how we go grocery shopping and I don't want to split up I want to get things together. And he feels like we are just dragging each other around everywhere without even wanting to be there. I told him, then tell me these things before they start irritating you!!! Or how, since we have almost alternate work schedules, he works morning until 4ish, and I leave 4ish and work nights some nights (I work part-time and go to school) I like it when he comes online on msn and just tells me that he gets home alright..and I like to see him sometimes on my break, but he says that he just wants to sleep since he is tired and doesn't want to HAVE to be online all the time. I told him...then don't be. I feel like a lot of this stuff we had dicussed at some time or another and voiced our concerns about it..but it doesn't change for some reason.

 

I feel like we had/have a good relationship, I feel like we are good people and that I was a good girlfriend. Everyone has problems and stuff that bothers them about other people. People go through much worse.

All people change, not always in ways you'd want them to. It's extremely complicated. There are no hard and fast rules.

It does sound like he has issues to resolve, though.

I was shocked by this though, totally taken by surprise. He said to me, but you knew something was wrong, because you were asking me if I we're leaving you. I said yah, because you said that you wanted time alone, time to yourself.. I didn't know what was going on.

 

I spent Canada Day weekend at my mom's to give him space, I have no problem doing that. I come home and I get this news.

let him think

I will.

hugs? if you need someone to vent to contact me :)

I'm sorry to hear that. I dont know if he's outgoing or rather introverted but as a guy i can tell that maybe he realized that he's very in love with you and that scares him , maybe he's afraid of being hurt eventually if you leave him so he's tryin to take the first step thinking is best for both and those little fights are just an excuse but then again i dont know him but i believe that there's no problem that can't be solved by talking. I just hope things work out *hugs*

He isn't the most outgoing, neither am I. There is a lot more to it than just what I wrote.. If anyone wants to talk about it one on one, it would really help me out I think. My msn is listed in my profile.

aww *hugs* you are just gonna have to wait til he comes back and have a talk about everything ... if it's meant to be then i'm sure it will work out ... i hope it does for you :) keep smiling

Will add you next time i use msn if you dont mind :nice:

Justine..

 

Girl, I know how you feel. Jinkies.. I feel like I have been through so many 'bad turns in relationships' I'm a pro!! lol but seriously, sounds like he might be having second thoughts on this relationship. Sorry if this isnt what you might wanna hear.. but it sounds serious. How long hae you two been living together?? If it is recent (like the past year or two) It just might be that living with each other has taken a toll on him. Realizing that he 'feels married' already?? I know I went thru something similar with my ex, we ended up breaking up, but there was more to that story as well, but living with each other sorta sealed the deal. Certain habits the other has, even though they seem minor, they can lead to very irritating consequences... :embarrased: I'll be on msn later too.. so if you want, hit me up.. unless I see you first.

 

*hugs* :kiss:

We have been living together for some time actually.. about 2 years I guess. We have been living alone completely together for about 1.5 years I guess.

Im having my own relationship troubles (Which was crushing last night) I was going to post it on here but its WAY too complicated.

 

I cant really give any advice that hasnt already been said, even if he has been an ass by letting little problems build up into one big general problem, you should just let him have his space.

 

He might realise the silly little things are not worthy of a breakup, but I dont know, if he is showing no signs of improving or seeing things properly you may have to make him see the whole situation in a general light.

 

The problem with living alone with someone is that you both become isolated to the rest of the world sometimes, it can get frustrating. Problems come with such things like having freedom of space, letting eachother go out with other friends all night or whatever, the best of couples have the same group of friends, and it works so well like that because they dont become sick of eachother.

 

Im guessing if you are fighting over petty little things then its because you are simply being couped up together for too long, I could be wrong. But if thats the case, I guess you should try going out somewhere with a group of people, instead of just the two of you.

 

Those rare relationships that you could put 2 people in a pod for 20 years and they'll come out just as happy as they went in, that doesnt exist for 99% of us. All we can do is try and keep the relationship going by socialising in groups occasionally, mixing it up in any way possible. But I wish you the best of luck because nobody deserves the hurt of it.

Thank you for that.

awww Justine.. He seems and sounds really annoyed...or feels controlled..if he is saying that he feels like he needs to check on you.. He probably feels controlled by you and doesn't want to upset you in any way... By what you described..it seems as if he has been trying to avoid fighting and just let it go with the flow..(I am guessing he doesn't like arguments) and that is probably been going on for quiet a while now.. I don't think that he loves you less or anything like that.. he just needs space a lot of space... I'm sure he'll come back to you with clear mind and everything and not keep to himself next time ;) So hang in there :)

The problem with living alone with someone is that you both become isolated to the rest of the world sometimes, it can get frustrating. Problems come with such things like having freedom of space, letting eachother go out with other friends all night or whatever, the best of couples have the same group of friends, and it works so well like that because they dont become sick of eachother.

Even if you don't live with them..you get sick of them.. Well that happens to me all the time... it's sad.. :smug: and I don't get annoyed easily but being with the same person aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll the time gets me annoyed so fast.. :/ :confused:

Justine, all I can say is that I will be sending out good vibes and energy to you.

^What about me Aaron?! :cry: Naw you don't need to hear/read my troubles..I'm already lost anway :rolleyes:

Thanks for the comments guys, it really does help.

Eh, I'm just 16 so not really an expert in this kind of business but I use my logic.

 

If he went away confused must be because he realised somehow he didn't want you as much as he thought but is afraid to confront the reality and the way you would react after living with him that much (3 years?)... is fine for him to think about it and if he really loves you be sure he will clear all doubt and will come back to you, but if he doesn't you've got to respect his dessision you cannot force him to love you anyway, is hard to accept but he wasn't the right one for you.

He´s right... what can I say.. He robbed the words of my mouth...

Who was right?