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Random Phrase Of The Day

General Qwerty Waluigi

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"Hello Kitty! Oh nooo, dead Hello Kitty!" my friend. She was talking about these earrings I have: they're skull heads with pink bows on them!


Things you should never say in field hockey:

"Where's my stick?" the players

"Where's the ball?" the goalie



"I have no personality!" -me in Chemistry.

"I'm so slow today!"- me in Geometry.

"Why am I here? Why do you think I'm here!?!" -me in Chemisty Help.

"Drop it like it's hoooooot." my Dad.

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Who could possibly be mean enough to attack the angelic frontman of the world’s most inoffensive band - Coldplay? Well someone’s got to do it. I recognise that he’s an all-round Lovely Bloke who really wants the world to live in peace and harmony. Unfortunately he’s doing a pretty good job of ensuring that this won’t be possible.


Let me begin by admitting that almost every environmentalist I know - and I include myself - is a hypocrite. We all want people to live by codes rather stricter than those we apply to ourselves, which is why real action on climate change isn’t possible without intervention by the government. But Chris is in a league of his own.

In an interview for the Guardian conducted in Las Vegas in 2005, he spoke about the songs on his album X&Y.

Twisted Logic is an intense, angry track encouraging people to make the right decisions about how they live their lives and how they treat the planet.

A few paragraphs later, he revealed that he was about to fly by private jet to Palm Springs, 35 minutes from Las Vegas. The band can now afford to fly wherever possible, and the increased privacy and speed mean that Apple will be able to join her father on tour more often. “I certainly don’t want her to stay at home all the time,” Martin says. “As she gets older, hopefully she’ll come out as and when she wants. I always thought it’d be cool to be in school and say, ‘I’m not coming in today - I’m off to Costa Rica to see my dad play.’ I do think that wins you a few points.”(1)

The following week, Alison Goldfrapp told an interviewer that, during his tours, Chris flies home between gigs. “We supported Coldplay and Chris Martin used to fly home on his jet, go home, write songs then fly to the next gig. “I thought, ‘What? Are you insane?’”(2)

As Goldfrapp suggested, his trips back “home” (this could be one of a number of places) were plainly unnecessary. While the rest of the tour hopped from gig to gig, he must have travelled twice or even three times as far. But even if it was absolutely essential, for some reason, that he went back to Gwyneth and Apple and Mangosteen, why couldn’t he travel in a commercial plane?

None of the accounts I have read give the make of his jet, but I will assume it’s that standard celebrity vehicle, the Learjet 45. The reports suggest that even if he is not the sole passenger, he is the sole beneficiary of the journey: those who travel with him - minders, servants or crew - go only for his convenience. So I will place the plane’s carbon emissions on his account.

The Learjet 45 has a normal cruising speed of 846 kmph. Its fuel consumption at this speed is 579 litres/hour, which means it burns 0.68 litres of kerosene per kilometre(3). The Airbus A321, a standard medium-haul commercial plane, travels at 853kmph and uses 3000 litres per hour, or 3.52 litres per kilometre(4). It seats around 189 people. Assuming that average occupancy is 70%, or 132, then every passenger is responsible for burning 0.027 litres per kilometre, or one 25th of Chris Martin’s consumption. But, as Heat shows, even one return trip across the Atlantic on a commercial airliner equates to a person’s entire sustainable carbon ration for a year.

It’s probably fair to assume that he flies at least 100,000 miles (or ten return journeys averaging 10,000 miles each) in his private jet each year. If so - and even before taking the rest of his activities into account - he would be exceeding his fair share of carbon by 250 times. If we were to take the other climate changing effects of air travel into account, we would multiply this by 2.7 times.

As if to prove that making the right decisions about how to treat the planet really is for lesser mortals, in December 2005 Chris Martin pranged his car, whereupon we learnt that the model he drives is a BMW X5. This is one of the thirstiest 4×4s on the road. The US Environmental Protection Agency reveals that in cities (he rammed someone’s hatchback in Belsize Park in London) they manage just 16 miles to the gallon(5).

Chris Martin claims to care about the poorest people on earth. Why then does he seem to be mounting a one-man campaign to sweep them off the planet?:shocked2:

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