If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

W.C. Fields

 

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Will Rogers (1879-1935)

 

Sincerity is the key. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns

 

 

 

:lol:

 

and many many more @ :

 

http://www.fishtank.org.uk/humour/humour.php3?article=Fortunes.Quotes

 

oh that site is just too much! :lol:

Haha I love the first quote! :lol:

You do realise when i read the other stuff on that website, it is going to kill me from laughing so hard, right? :D

Ham and Eggs. Just a day's work for a chicken but a lifetime commitment for a pig

 

LMAO!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :D :lol:

The Meek shall inherit the earth..

...after we're through with it.

 

JESUS IS COMING!...Look Busy

 

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

 

:stunned: :stunned: :rolleyes:

:rolleyes: :lol:

Haha- JESUS IS COMING!...Look Busy :D

How to impress a woman...

 

 

Compliment her,

cuddle her,

kiss her,

caress her,

love her,

stroke her,

tease her,

comfort her,

protect her,

hug her,

hold her,

spend money on her,

wine & dine her,

buy things for her,

listen to her,

care for her,

stand by her,

support her,

go to the ends of the earth for her....

 

 

 

 

 

How to impress a man...

 

Show up naked.

With Beer.

 

:stunned: :dozey: :lol:

:rolleyes:

So true! :lol:

:lol: :/ :lol:

hahah greg!! you crack me up! so uh what kind of beer do you want... :wink3:

Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, while others will leave a stain.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic

 

:stunned: :stunned:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol:

Don't make me laugh..so tired :snore: lol.

the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

 

 

:cool:

pizza...lol :D

*dials* :sneaky:

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

...........*shouts* GOOOOODBYE!

:lol: :lol:

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DQ Centre. Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff,please.

Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?

Caller : Well,it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the "B" fell off. Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator : Woven? Are you sure?

Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland. Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.

Operator : Where are you calling from?

Caller : The living room Caller : The water board please.

Operator : Which department?

Caller : Tap water. Operator : How are you spelling that?

Caller : With letters. Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.

Operator : Do you have his name?

Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben. Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.

Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers? On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on

 

:o :lol:

:lol: :lol:

 

*Operator : How are you spelling that?

Caller : With letters

 

hahaha!!

oh lordy, ok i jusr discovered "Sexually titled lines from Star Wars and i'm LMAO...you ready?

oh jeez.. :lol:

ooooook here we gooooooooooooooo LOL

 

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "Star Wars IV: A New Hope"

 

 

 

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

 

2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"

 

3. "Look at the size of that thing!"

 

4. "Sorry about the mess..."

 

5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

 

6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

 

7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."

 

8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"

 

9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"

 

10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!"

 

...

 

 

 

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back"

 

 

 

 

 

1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"

 

2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."

 

3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like

 

that, huh, kid?"

 

4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."

 

5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."

 

6. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."

 

7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"

 

8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."

 

9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"

 

10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

 

...

 

 

 

Top Ten Sexually Tilted Lines in "Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi"

 

 

 

 

 

1. "Rise, my friend."

 

2. "Open the back door!"

 

3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"

 

4. "It's just a dead animal..."

 

5. "Not bad for a little furball."

 

6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"

 

7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"

 

8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two."

 

9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"

 

10. "I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her,

 

Chewie."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: [email protected] (David Martin)

 

Date: 4 Dec 1994 19:19:41 GMT

 

 

 

And now, our new list of sexually slanted lines from Return of the Jedi:

 

 

 

13. "What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I

 

did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work." (C3PO)

 

12. "Hey, point that thing someplace else." (Han)

 

11. "I look forward to completing your training. I time you will call me

 

master." (Emporer)

 

10. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?" (Leia)

 

9. "I never knew I had it in me." (C3PO)

 

8. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle

 

of Taanab." (Lando)

 

7. "There is good in him, I've felt it." (Luke)

 

6. "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt,

 

you'd probably short circuit." (C3PO)

 

5. "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can."

 

(Jerjerrod) with reply "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them."

 

(Darth)

 

4. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost

 

got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!"

 

(Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher." (Lando)

 

3. "Short help's better than no help at all." (Han)

 

2. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one." (Han)

 

1. "Back door, huh? Good idea!" (Han)

ROTFLMAO :lol: :lol:

I'm going to bed now and how do you expect me to get to sleep with those in my head?! :D

Why do you do this to me!!

:lol:

the 2nd list is the most hilarious! esp #'s 8 & 10! ROTFL :lol:

"I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

 

:lol: :lol:

"Keep on that one, I'll take these two. :stunned:

 

:lol:

 

off to bed? Oh, what time is it in OZ then?