December 30, 200916 yr Post some if you got em :awesome: Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear. What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling. A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. THe employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips. Man 1: Knock, Knock Man 2: Who's there? Man 1: It's me Johnny. Man 2: Oh, hey man! Come on in, and have a beer.
December 30, 200916 yr Author What do you call 5 mexicans in quicksand? A dangerous situation that could soon turn tragic. What's the difference between a duck? I'm sorry, I was typing too quickly and missed off the end of my sentence. I meant to say "What's the difference between a duck and a goose?" and the answer is that they are entirely different species of waterfowl.
December 30, 200916 yr Author A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.'' The bear replies, ''I guess I will have a soda instead.'' So the bear and the bartender talk over nonalcoholic drinks all night about the reality of interspecies communication.
December 30, 200916 yr Author A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells "God damm!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and says "Don't say 'God damm' say 'God help us'". The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".
December 30, 200916 yr A guy walks into a doctors office. The doctor tells him, "You need an operation". The guy says, "I want a second opinion." The doctor says*, "Okay, my colleague, Dr. Saknussem, would be happy to provide you with the appropriate consultation. Here's his address, and I'll have my receptionist call him and schedule an appointment. Please try to see him soon, though. At the moment, I'm concerned about the size and location of this tumor, and I think we should move quickly if we're going to get our best results."
December 30, 200916 yr A guy walks into a doctors office. The doctor tells him, "You need an operation". The guy says, "I want a second opinion." The doctor says*, "Okay, my colleague, Dr. Saknussem, would be happy to provide you with the appropriate consultation. Here's his address, and I'll have my receptionist call him and schedule an appointment. Please try to see him soon, though. At the moment, I'm concerned about the size and location of this tumor, and I think we should move quickly if we're going to get our best results." Now that's a joke.
December 30, 200916 yr Author What's the deal with airline peanuts? The packaging is generally poorly designed and cheaply made, as a method of cutting distribution costs. After all, most passengers wouldn't want a "Peanut Fee" attached to their already costly ticket prices in order to cover the expenses of higher quality wrappers. What are you complaining about, anyway? It's free food, and it's a nice snack. If you're really that bent on not enjoying the peanuts the airline so graciously provided you with, just save them and give them to the next homeless person you see. People these days are really selfish.
December 30, 200916 yr I'll admit this thread is really great at making you read until the end of jokes that arent actually jokes, and make you wonder why you bother reading until the end, each and every time.
December 30, 200916 yr Author Very true. I just find it amusing the way they turn around such predictable and cliched jokes.
December 30, 200916 yr what did the clock say to the man? only Salvador Dali knows wait...is that realistic? i dont think so. whatever
December 30, 200916 yr Author What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? A mutated animal and a bunch of questions of the ethics of genetic tampering.
December 30, 200916 yr Author A man walks into a bar and says "OUCH" He had stubbed his toe on a bar stool and it stung very much.
December 30, 200916 yr I only know a german one:wacky: and I am SO bad at telling jokes even in german
December 30, 200916 yr A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family. Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain? It's wet. A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life. When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't." ...?
December 30, 200916 yr there was that guy who met his girlfriend, didn't use condom and she got pregnant.
December 30, 200916 yr so there was this fan that asked chris martin if he could sign an autograph in her boobs and he did.
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