Unfortunately, he fainted halfway through the song because he was so excited, and Coldplay couldn't stay until he woke up.

Fortunately they left a bunch of signed stuff for him.

Unfortunately, he had some muscle spasms and got bio-hazzardous materials all over all the signed stuff and he was forced to throw them out.

Fortunately Coldplay heard of this and invited him to come to all of there concerts for free for the rest of his life.

Unfortunately, his mother wouldn't let him.

Fortunately after listening to Coldplay, she fell in love with them and Coldplay said that she could come with him, so she became a fangirl and went to a bunch of their concerts.

Unfortunately, she became a REALLY creepy fangirl and stalked the boys.

Fortunately Ezio, the assassin/boys father was not actually dead, and the mother was so excited that Ezio was alive that she forgot all about Coldplay.

Unfortunately, Ezio then actually did assassinate the boy.

Fortunately the boy then went to Para-para-Paradise where Coldplay was playing a concert.

Unfortunately, he was still dead soooooooo...

Fortunately when Ezio realised that the boy was his son, he called his alien friends who brought the boy back to life.

Unfortunately Ezio was pushed off a building 2 days after and realized that he wasn't in a dream, it was reality... so he fell to his death :(

Fortunately the boy was now alive again!

Unfortunately, the boy felt lame because he didn't have a girlfriend

Fortunately his mother convinced him that he didn't need to get into a relationship with a girl until he was older enough to consider actually getting married to her.

Unfortunately his mother was completely off because he was truly a transgendered male and was looking for a man

Fortunately the guys who pushed him off the roof felt sorry and fell in love with him.

Unfortunatealy they both fell off another roof... and died a tragic death.

 

rip

Fortunately, they both reached paradise where they stay happily ever after.