Wow Rezzy is terribly rude to everyone he meets, it's no wonder he "didn't get laid"

I hope Rezzy gets murdered and sent to the island of misfit literary characters

It seems the people in this story have some anger management issues to work out.

Holy crap, you guys actually read my worst piece of literature?! :P

 

Why would you post it, not expecting people to read it?

I thought it was funny... I wonder if the cashier becomes the love interest at the end of the story as a twist, and what she really wanted wasn´t a penny but true love.

Yeah, I feel a new love story. Rezzy sure has something going on :dazzled: :botoxlips:

Because this seems to be semi-autobiographical (You have the same name as the lead character) are you always such a cock to people? Because every day of your life must be really interesting in an odd way.

 

Just a bit of constructive criticism: try not to keep switching between past and present tense. It's always confusing to read a story when it can't make its mind up whether it's taking place in the past or present.

 

Especially when it's in the same sentence.

 

"WHY DID I JUST WALKED BACK IN HERE?!"

Because this seems to be semi-autobiographical (You have the same name as the lead character) are you always such a cock to people? Because every day of your life must be really interesting in an odd way.

If you find swearing at strangers, demeaning them, and scaring them into doing what you want an 'interesting' life, then perhaps

I never said it's a positive thing, just from his perspective it probably seems fine and just can't understand why he gets these reactions. Fucked up shit.

Why would you post it, not expecting people to read it?

I wanted to see how bad it is in people's eyes. :P

 

Because this seems to be semi-autobiographical (You have the same name as the lead character) are you always such a cock to people? Because every day of your life must be really interesting in an odd way.

Nah, I'm not always a cock to people. If I was, I'll probably be banned on all forums. :P

I think it would be interesting because of people's response to the cockery.

 

Rezzy, you don't mind some feedback on the written pieces, right?

I think it would be interesting because of people's response to the cockery.

 

Rezzy, you don't mind some feedback on the written pieces, right?

Feedback always was the most crucial part to me whenever I share what I write, and it's still is. I don't mind at all, because the feedback I get usually is honest and truthful, as I always see what needs to be worked on.

 

By all means, be the critic! :D

Chapter 3: "A Stick Up the Sole"

It was clear that Rezzy Leon was in a sticky situation right here. Being locked inside a store that just had the power being knocked out and being a penny short of purchasing shoelaces is a situation that not even I would put myself in. But I guess he walked right into that one... All Rezzy could do was just sit in the blackness and listen to everyone panic, wondering why the doors would be chained shut, and most importantly, who would do such.

 

"THIS IS A STICK UP!", one voice abruptly yells. This made Rezzy jump, being startled from the shout of one guy.

"YEAH!", another voice shouts.

"NO! You shut up Trent!", the guy who ordered a stick-up responded.

"What? I was just backing ya up. You know, that's what bros are for, right?", Trent says.

"Just shut up and start grabbing wallets!" the guy demanded. After that, Rezzy heard the sound of him handing Trent a flashlight, as he heard the click followed by a glare of light shining off the walls.

"Alright, guys, listen up!" the guy shouted. "I'm going to come around here, and I understand it's dark, but please give me your wallets by placing them in the garbage bag I have here in my hand. It's a white bag so it could be made seen easily. AND IT'S HEAVY DUTY, THANKS TO ME GETTING GLAD!"

"You dumbass," Trent said, slapping the guy in the back of the head, "You're not supposed to be understanding with your victims, NOR DO YOU SAY PLEASE!"

"I... I'm sorry Trent," he said apologetically.

Trent then sighed, and took the bag away from him and started to wander around the store, collecting the wallets of those who weren't panicking.

 

While Trent was walking around doing his job, his partner in crime yelled out "AND WE'RE NOT BUSTING THE LOCKS ON THIS DOOR UNTIL WE GET EVERYONE'S WALLET!" Rezzy doesn't have a wallet. "I don't have a wallet," Rezzy said to himself. See? I told you he doesn't have a wallet. "Looks like I'm not coming home tonight," Rezzy said in sadness. By the time Trent came to Rezzy Leon with the bag, he had forgotten all about the penny situation. "In the bag," Trent bossed Rezzy. "I'm sorry," he responded. "Me no have el walleto."

"What?", Trent said out of confusion.

"I SAID ME NO HAVE EL WALLETO!"

"Look, quit acting retarded and give me your wallet already."

"Listen, you bastard, how many other languages do I have to tell you that I don't have a wallet?"

"Then I guess you'll have to give me something else instead. GIVE ME MONEY!"

"I don't even have enough money to buy my own shoelaces."

"Then give me your shoe."

"How are you going to tie them when they have no shoelaces?"

"Do they have soles?"

"Yes, they actually do have a sole."

"Bless your poor soul."

"Now go collect that cashier's wallet. She's been a bitch to me."

 

Just as when Trent was going towards the cashier, a loud crash from Rezzy's right was heard. When Rezzy turned to see what it was, a car had crashed into the side of the store, as even more panic aroused amongst the shoppers in the store themselves. "Hey, that car looks familiar," Rezzy said. He dashed over towards the wreckage of the car. Through the hole of the damaged wall, Rezzy took notice of the streetlights giving light towards the car and saw that the color of the car was red. "HEY, SAILOR!" yelled the guy from inside the car, looking at Rezzy. "Um... Hey there," Rezzy responded.

"Do you remember me? I gave you a ride to this dump store."

"And your ride just crashed into the dump."

Find out what happens next in the finale next week! (Yeah, I know, this story was supposed to be five chapters long, but it'll actually be four chapters long.

The plot thickens! :o

 

Well... not really.

While Trent was walking around doing his job, his partner in crime yelled out "AND WE'RE NOT BUSTING THE LOCKS ON THIS DOOR UNTIL WE GET EVERYONE'S WALLET!" Rezzy doesn't have a wallet. "I don't have a wallet," Rezzy said to himself. See? I told you he doesn't have a wallet. "Looks like I'm not coming home tonight," Rezzy said in sadness. By the time Trent came to Rezzy Leon with the bag, he had forgotten all about the penny situation. "In the bag," Trent bossed Rezzy. "I'm sorry," he responded. "Me no have el walleto."

"What?", Trent said out of confusion.

"I SAID ME NO HAVE EL WALLETO!"

"Look, quit acting retarded and give me your wallet already."

"Listen, you bastard, how many other languages do I have to tell you that I don't have a wallet?"

"Then I guess you'll have to give me something else instead. GIVE ME MONEY!"

"I don't even have enough money to buy my own shoelaces."

"Then give me your shoe."

"How are you going to tie them when they have no shoelaces?"

"Do they have soles?"

"Yes, they actually do have a sole."

"Bless your poor soul."

"Now go collect that cashier's wallet. She's been a bitch to me."

 

I think I mentioned plausibility before, he decides to initially say that (The broken Spanish) to the armed robber? Then calls him a bastard and gives him abuse? Then Rezzy talks about his shoelaces, the robber asks just to take one shoe, Rezzy refers back to shoelaces, the robber talks about both shoes now, Rezzy talks about both shoes soles, the robber makes a horrendous joke about a singular shoes sole. What?

 

But to end this most pointless dialogue, Rezzy tells the criminal to rob someone else, and the criminal just forgets the whole point of not taking any wallet, money or shoes from Rezzy, and he actually just does it?! I don't even!

 

Nonetheless, can't wait until the next one.

 

Rezzy doesn't have a wallet. "I don't have a wallet," Rezzy said to himself. See? I told you he doesn't have a wallet.

 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

I think I mentioned plausibility before, he decides to initially say that (The broken Spanish) to the armed robber? Then calls him a bastard and gives him abuse? Then Rezzy talks about his shoelaces, the robber asks just to take one shoe, Rezzy refers back to shoelaces, the robber talks about both shoes now, Rezzy talks about both shoes soles, the robber makes a horrendous joke about a singular shoes sole. What?

 

But to end this most pointless dialogue, Rezzy tells the criminal to rob someone else, and the criminal just forgets the whole point of not taking any wallet, money or shoes from Rezzy, and he actually just does it?! I don't even!

not to mention the random old man from earlier

 

a) dropped Rezzy off and left (and somehow magically found out that the store had its lights off and decided to crash into it)

 

b) waited for Rezzy because he was gonna drive him home (and watched the lights go off and the doors lock, and did fuck all about it until now)

 

so he crashed his entire fucking car into the store, wrecking it and risking the life of himself and others, instead of doing something sensible like calling the police or even using a weapon to break a door or window instead

 

there's no point in doing this lol, you can pick out the plot holes all day. The story is still entertaining in an ironic sort of way.

That was actually only a matter of minutes ago, think about it, he got out of the car, went in and had the altercation with the cashier, the black out was during this, then the robbery was made and again it seemed like only a few minutes passed through that.

Wait so there was an explosion inside of the store, and the staff decided to force everyone to stay in instead of letting them drive home to safety, none of the staff makes a single effort to use a cellphone or a neighbor's phone to call 911, then a car crashes into the side of the store

 

The old man decided to do absolutely nothing about the fact that his new friend was possibly hurt or killed until minutes later, when the store is already locked, then thinks 'Hmm instead of calling the police, let me jam my car in the store, lose my primary mode of transportation, possibly die or kill others in the store, but either way I'll still end up in jail or pay a huge fine and pay for a new car, mmm good idea'

 

By correcting me, the story now makes even less sense, thanks Reilly.

Less sense? Without involving some sort of mythical creature, that's simply not possible.

 

There's always part 4 though....

I think this story is genius, a modern classic.

I already thought that 101 check-out lines was way weird. But I am not used to mega-shops anyway. but imagine 100 check-out lines .....

 

Anyway, what is Rezzy's problem with being an ass to everyone? It just does not stop. I'm sorry but it makes the story less realistic. Not as in that it should be realistic and dino's and vampires can't be in it, but I mean as in at least we would expect people in a story to behave as they would in real life. Bitching someone when they are robbing you ..... just no. Or the driver just crashing his car into the store and then cheerfully yelling 'HEY SAILOR' I know it's a Halloween story so the driver might be a creepy psychopath fucked-up weirdo, but I can't think of the protagonist being so fucked-up :S

 

Also, I don't understand why he goes sitting against a wall outside after he walked out the store. Shouldn't he go walking home or look out for the driver for a drive home?

 

but I'll leave it there, because I have to go home for some lunch.

Aren't we going to get the final chapter tonight because tomorrow's too cliche?

What happened with Rezzy?

 

Did he leave coldplaying to go roadtripping with the driver?

REZZY AND THE DRIVER SITTING IN A TREE :dazzled:

Chapter 4: "Uh huh... The fourth chapter."

"Why am I even talking to you?!", Rezzy asked. "You just crashed your whole car into the freaking building, and you act as if you don't care about it! YOU COULD'VE DIED!" "Oh," the driver said to Rezzy, "I knew that." Just as Rezzy was about to say something, Trent came walking towards the two. "You," he said, pointing to the driver, "put your wallet in the garbage bag. Now!" "Or else?", the driver said.

"Or else I'm gonna, um... uh..."

"Force us to dance Gangnam style?", Rezzy said satirically.

"What?", both, the driver and Trent asked in confusion.

"Ugh...," Rezzy face-palmed. "You two have no idea what we find entertaining in this generation, don't you?"

"What's the point of all this again?", the driver asked.

"Look," Trent said, "all I'm asking is for you to put your wallet into the bag. Wait... Why did you wrecked your car into the building anyways?"

"Well," the driver began to explain, "I gave this young fellow a ride to the store," he said, pointing to Rezzy. "After I dropped him off, I decided to park my car in the lot while I wait for him to exit the store."

"But you never told me anything like, "I'll be here to pick you up,"" Rezzy pointed out.

"Ah," the driver said, "that is true."

"So how would I know you would pick me up when I exit the store?"

"Well, you obviously had no other source of transportation. My plan was to pull up next to you and offer a ride home."

"stalker," Rezzy whispered.

"Stalker? Sure. After, I'm just trying to help out the community," the driver said, taking his wallet out of his pocket. "You want my wallet, sir?" the driver asked Trent. "That'd be greatly appreciated," Trent said, "but you never told me why you crashed your car into the building."

"Ah," the driver said, "that is true. "Shortly after I parked my car, I saw two guys dressed in black walk into the store just after I saw the blackout occur. I got a little concerned, so I decided to try to enter the store to see what's all the commotion about. Turned out, the doors were locked, as I heard the sound of locks on the doors."

"And that gives you the right to crash your whole fucking car into the building, rather than calling 911 for help?", Trent snarled.

"Actually, I really don't need to dial 911, unless I need backup," the driver responded.

"Backup?", both, Rezzy and Trent asked.

"Oh, I guess I haven't told ya'll."

 

The driver then opened his wallet and asked Trent to shed some light on it. As soon as he did, a glare from the driver's badge's glare temporarily blinded Trent, having to look away for a few seconds. "Wait...," Rezzy said. "You're telling me that you're an undercover cop? I still don't see why you crashed your car into the store when you could've simply called for backup!" "Ah," the driver said, "that is true, but that's a company car. I don't personally own it. That's just what the police force gave me for my job. Plus, I have insurance to get this all fixed up, and on top of that, I don't like Toyotas... Now," he turned to Trent, "put your hands behind your back. You're being arrested for robbery with... a, um... flashlight."

"ARE YOU TEABAGGING MY BALLS?!", Trent complained. "NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL! MY MOMMA'S GONNA WHOOP MY ASS!"

"FUCK THIS," Rezzy panicked, "I'M OUTTA HERE!"

Just as Rezzy ran through the giant hole in the wall, he started to hear gunshots from the inside of the store. Rezzy ran out, not wanting to look back. He was only about five miles away from home, but he could barely run one mile in thirteen minutes. You do the math... That'd take about an hour and five minutes for Rezzy to arrive back home. It's 11 PM now. I'm pretty sure Rezzy's parents are worried about his well being now.

 

About halfway into Rezzy's frantic run home, he saw a white car pulled over to the side of the road. A person got out of the car who was appearing to be riding in the passenger seat. Turned out, it was the driver, but I guess he's not the driver in this case, as he simply wasn't driving at the time. "Hey sailor!", he said to Rezzy, "Need a ride?" "Eh, sure...," Rezzy replied. The two then entered the car. Rezzy was then taken home, after he told the driver of the car where he lived. "Never will I hitchhike again," he told the guys in the car before he was dropped off to his house.

 

So there you guys have it. One of the many tales of Rezzy Leon, except this one took place on October 30th, because October 31st would be too cliche for a Halloween story. What's the moral of this whole story? Remember to tie your shoes.