What with all these threads about alcohol, drugs, hippies, curb-stomping, eating disorders and the like, here is a thread that I'm starting simply for shit jokes. Join in if you want.

 

Rick Astley owns a Pixar DVD collection and he'll lend you anything, but not the one about the old man in a balloon... he's never gonna give you Up.

 

My girlfriend said she was dumping me over my obsession with the Monkees.

I thought she was joking.

But then I saw her face...

 

I saw a man last night trying to steal my gate.

Didn't want to say anything in case he took a fence.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QACSo5xk3dE]Sir digby chicken caesar 1x01 - YouTube[/ame]

I can only think of really offensive jokes :uhoh:

I can only think of really offensive jokes :uhoh:

 

Post them with spoilers.

What's a Jehovah's Witness favorite band?

The Doors

What was John Lennon's last hit?

The pavement.

No one knows that before chocolate there was... choco-early

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he ate the soup before it was cool

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

To avoid Pentagonal, who was threatening to curb stomp him?

Why do you go to bed every night?

Because the bed won't come to you

Imagine you're in a hole 50 meters deep, with slippery, smooth sides, and you have no equipment of any kind. How you you get out?

Stop imagining.

I was in a pub in London on a saturday night and I noticed two women by the bar. They both had a strong accent, so I asked: "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

 

One of them turned to me and sreamed: "It's WALES you idiot!"

 

So I immediately apologised and said: "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

 

That's all I remember.