Since Lounge is in coma I'll try to make a thread with a bit of point and topic.

 

What do you think about adopting children? Do you think it's right to keep the fact that kid was adopted in secret?

 

A friend of mine was told that she's adopted when she was 16. She got angry and all, started trying to find her real parents. She says that if her current parents told her she's adopted when she was 6, for example, she'd understand them but 16 is too much. I don't know, I probably agree with her. I mean, everybody has the right to know who his real parents are. Just to know. I wouldn't get angry with my adoptive parents though, I'dbe thankful anyway.

 

So, let's just discuss anything for God's sake.

well, adopting kids has become quite commen ever since women started waiting until their over 30 to have kids and discover that they're too old to have a child

or women dont meet the man of their dreams and when they're 40 they realise they're lonely and decide to adopt

 

it makes me think about the adoption agencies. I babysit an adopted girl and I feel quite sorry for her. Not because she's adopted, but because her mom is 50 and it's just the two of them togother. Think about it, but the time she's 20 her mom will be 65... then she'll have to start caring for her. I just think it's wrong to let someone like that adopt. No matter how much time or money she has on her hands....

she'll never have a father figure or siblings... this can really screw her up. Just her and her 50yr old mom. What do you think?

 

and about telling the kids- I think that there's a law here that says that you're not allowed to tell an adopted kid under 18 that he's adopted. You can tell him when he's 16 only if he asks

then when he's 18 there's this file you're suppose to give him with all the details about his parents and stuff

i think they figured that telling a child that isnt mature yet that he's adopted can really screw him up so made a law about it...

 

though i find it hard to believe that the kids dont ask by themselves. Like the girl i babysit. She looks realllllllly different from her mom- she's filipino... and i think the age difference would also be a hint

I think adopting is really an amazing thing to do, as u are welcoming to your family a complete stranger and are willing to love him/her as your own child, but you have to be prepared to handle it. thats why I think hiding it form the child is not a very good option, no wonder your friend got mad lera.

 

Today it isnt THAT difficult for a child to discover about the adoption, specially when they get a bit older. Unless they look A LOT like their adoptive parents the child will eventually find out (not to mention the bitch brothers and cousins who always let out a 'u are adopted' in the middle of a fight). I think you should prepare the child and make her understand since early age, that she is adopted, but that doesnt mean shes loved less or whatever.

 

i have a friend who has 2 brothers, and the yourger one is adopted. they REALLY look like each other, so no one really tells he is adopted, but her mum, since the boy was 2, started preparing the child to accept the fact he was addopted, and it was with simple stuff like telling: "you have 2 mummys, the mummy where u came from and me, the mummy from the heart", stuff that a 2 year old can actually understand...

 

they didnt keep contact with the mother, but they had all her info, pictures of her and when he was 12 (and well aware of the fact that he was adopted) they gave him the stuff, where it had pics from his brothers, his mother, the house she lived and etc, s that he could keep it with him in case he ever wanted to see her.

 

i think he is 14 now, my friend tells he sometimes gets mad, and while that he throws a "ure not even my real mother/brother/sister/father", but instead of being all shocked and stuff they deal with, his mother goes to him and says: "well ok, so if im not your mother, get sick again, and see whos gonna take u to the doctor", but not in a mean tone, but more as a joke, so that he sees that it doesnt matter how much he tries to push them away, he really is family.

 

i think thats how u should handle it, tell it from the begining, because if u wait too much, the child might feel betrayed and get all revolted against the family...

you never know how one will react when they find it out. My friend was 18 when she faced the truth but she never cared about her real mother,but on the other hand...my cousin,she's adopted and she found it out in a very bad way:( she was mountaineering and came across to her twin.She ran away from home and there were terrible raws and all that. But now everything is ok thank god.But every time something goes wrong she always keeps saying that she's not getting right attention

my friend has always known that he is adopted from Russia.. I remember that he was talking about his adoption and how he felt about it in one tv-show when he was like 8 so I think it's never been an issue for him. He has never had a need to find his biological parents. His little sister is adopted too.

I think children go the wrong way when their adoptive parents tell them the truth.

 

GRATEFUL children will thank them and be/act appreciative of having such enourmously loving parents.

 

You see, any two people can have a child of their own and wow...okay.

 

 

BUT when two people decide to adopt a child not of their blood.. . this takes some power of the heart.

 

Because they open a home and heart that could have been saved for a child of their own, and take in a complete stranger!

 

I don't mean that the adopted child has to like, worship their parents and stuff... I just mean, be grateful.

 

I don't get this whole "I hate you because you aren't my real parent" or "why didn't you tell me soonEr!?"

whiny bullshit like that.

 

I mean, sure we all have our natural reactions.

But they come from the person you are and if you are a rude bitch child then you will display rotten emotions towards your adoptive parents.

 

 

Now, I think that the parents really should tell their adopted child as soon as they think the child will understand. And maybe even try! even if the kid might not fully understand

 

BUT first and foremost... these parents should be prepared way before adopting of these reaction and should be prepared to HAVING to tell the child.

Because it is common that years pass and the parents are like "nah! why say anything right now" because they are scared or something.

 

THis is wrong

 

But I totally support adoption though I think its like ten times more responsibility filled than anything else I can think of

true , is an amazing thing to do , spacialy if the people who adopt can have kids.

And adopted kids should think of them selfs as lucky.

 

I had a friend that was adopted , but her mother told her wayy to young when she was like 9 or something , and she took it realy bad.

I think that the parents should tell them when they're older like 13 or something like that i guees it depends on the kid

 

This is soo dumb but what about the celebrity childs that everyone knows they're adopted , it must be kind of odd

I think adopting a child is great. When I am older I will thinkk about it. Even Micheal is thinking of Adopting a kid.

I also would like to adopt a child someday..an asian kid. I'm not really sure of how this happened on wanting to adopt one and this was before adopting a child became a trend.

 

When I was younger I used to think I was adopted too and that was when I was about 5,6 or 7 years old (very young to think such thing, don't you think?:confused: ) My mom and everyone else was a little too obsessed with me. She always wanted to have a girl (she evens says that today) and just like green eyes says.. My parents are older and I feel obligated to have to take care of them and I hate it when she makes comments like "That's why I wanted to have her". I could just walk away like many do but I am not like that.

 

About telling the child they are adoptive, I also think it's better if they are told when they are younger.

I think children go the wrong way when their adoptive parents tell them the truth.

 

GRATEFUL children will thank them and be/act appreciative of having such enourmously loving parents.

 

You see, any two people can have a child of their own and wow...okay.

 

 

BUT when two people decide to adopt a child not of their blood.. . this takes some power of the heart.

 

Because they open a home and heart that could have been saved for a child of their own, and take in a complete stranger!

 

I don't mean that the adopted child has to like, worship their parents and stuff... I just mean, be grateful.

 

I don't get this whole "I hate you because you aren't my real parent" or "why didn't you tell me soonEr!?"

whiny bullshit like that.

 

I mean, sure we all have our natural reactions.

But they come from the person you are and if you are a rude bitch child then you will display rotten emotions towards your adoptive parents.

 

 

i dont think that's fair to say

i dont think u could understand what goes on in an adopted child's head when he/she is told that he/she is adopted. From the side it doesnt make sense to us that the child would "display rotten emotions towards his/her adoptive parents" but the fact is that it happens

we'll never know unless we expirience ourselves

 

im just guessing it's something really tough to go through- finding out your adopted- and thats just one of the ways that ppl deal with it, other than being grateful

my uncle and his wife had 2 children, 2 of them were born mentally ill.. speaking of bad luck :\ anyway, they finally decided to adopt a child, and couple of weeks ago they did. It took the new guy some time to adjust to his new family but now you dont even notice that he's adopted. :nice: although he calls me uncle Will instead of cousin :rolleyes:

I think adoption is a great thing to do and I think I want to adopt a kid when I get older.

 

I don't agree with you though, Cystal. I don't think the adoptive kid has to be grateful because he has been adopted. I mean...I think maybe most couples or singles who adopt just want a kid for themselfs, if you know what I mean. I belive they think something like "oh lets adopt this poor little orphan kid so he gets a great life". I belive it's more like they want a kid and they think adopiton is a good thing. Maybe they can't have own kids or maybe they just like the idea of adoption. Yeah..I'm exaggerating a little but you know what I mean, I hope :uhoh:

 

I think it's the adoptive kid's right to know if he or she is adopted and I think the parents should tell their kid that as soon as possible. I don't mean that it has to be a big serious talk or so but like when the kid still it little they can tell it like a story or something like that. I hope you know what I mean :lol: I belive it's good for the kid to know that he is adopted when he's lottle because then it's just a natural thing. "I'm adopted, and that's it."

Both me and my brother are adpoted and we have always know that. I don't know when mum and dad told me but I have know it scince I was little. My brother is 2,5 years older than me, so when our parents went to colombia to get me, he came along and got to see the orphanage and all that so he, and I think that was a good thing.

I don't agree with you though, Cystal. I don't think the adoptive kid has to be grateful because he has been adopted. I mean...I think maybe most couples or singles who adopt just want a kid for themselfs, if you know what I mean. I belive they think something like "oh lets adopt this poor little orphan kid so he gets a great life". I belive it's more like they want a kid and they think adopiton is a good thing. Maybe they can't have own kids or maybe they just like the idea of adoption. Yeah..I'm exaggerating a little but you know what I mean, I hope :uhoh:

 

 

i agree with that, most parents who adopt usually adopt because they cant have children the natural way

i think that's actually a very selfish thing to do in many of the cases. It can be women in their 40s that never got married, or ay couples- not that i believe gay couples shouldnt have children, i just dont think it's healthy for the child. It's also not healthy for the child to grow up in a home with only a mother that's old enough to be his grandma

 

then again, any parent is better than no parent

or is it? :thinking:

well ppl are afraid that adopted child will be mentaly ill or somth..that happens very often:(

naaa....I don't know really. I mean if I were adopted by someone who started to treat me be badly I would probably want to go back to the orphanage I came from. But I guess maybe my opinion isn't shared by some kids who have no parents :thinking: