Do you believe in it?

 

After having watched so many national geographic specials in China since that was the only channel in enlgish there it got me thinking. Most animals in the wild arent monogomous... what made us think that we are?

 

biologically speaking it makes sense that women would wanna be monogomous whereas guys would not, just cause our instict is to reproduce. Women need a lasting relationship because the amount of children they can have is limited and they need someone there all the time

Whereas guys can have hundreds of children. The world record of a guy who had the most amount of children during 40 weeks (the length of a pregnancy) is 888 by some morrocan king...

 

anyway... I've just been thinking about stuff like that alot lately.

Like if love is a human invention that the media made up or if it really is human instinct to meet someone to be with forever?

That's something that confuses me quite a lot. When it comes to questions of love, flirt etc I feel kinda like a man. I mean, I don't feel like I wanna fall in love with somebody and spend all my life with this person. If it happened I'd feel really bored I guess. Like I'd lose something. I don't know. I believe I'm not a monogamous person.

I'm not much of one either...I'm happy with the relationship I'm in, very happy. However, there are still a few girls out here and there I meet, and I wonder if I'd be happy with them, too. It's not that I want to "get out" or anything.

 

I'm just...curious.

I find it funny that people who don't want to be monogomous point to animals as their excuse. We have reason' date=' which sets us apart from animals. There are lots of things that animals do that humans cannot morally do, killing and theft, for example. If humans acted like animals, the world would be beastly and savage. Humans have a sense of right and wrong. If you want to be promiscuous or whatever, that's your choice. But pointing to animals as an excuse is just a cop out.[/quote']

 

hahaha :laugh3:

i never said I think i cant be monogomous...

i said that i wonder if the human race is biologically built for it. I dont think I have enough expirience in relationships to say what i believe

but with divorce rates as high as they are it makes u wonder ...

Divorce rates don't make me wonder about whether we're made for monogamy. It's only recently' date=' ie within the last 40 years, that divorce rates have drastically increased. Along with all the other social ills in modern society, it shows me that something is critically wrong with society. It shows me that with the "me" ideology, people do whatever they want without thinking of the consequences. Divorce rates show that people don't respect the commitments they make. They don't care that by rushing into a marriage with another person they don't know well enough, they may end up hurting that person. They'd rather do what they feel like now, and to hell with anyone else involved, such as children that may result from the marriage. High divorce rates aren't an indication that humans can't be monogamous, it's an indication that they're not really being human.[/quote']

 

wow, that's kind of harsh

you think high divorce rates only indicate that ppl are being selfish. Im not saying that this is fact, but there's gotta be something behind that more than just ppl being egoistical...

here's a fact for u- the feeling we get when we're in love is due to certain chemicals that are released in the brain that only get released for the first 2 years of being in love tops. Enough to have a child and pass through the phase where 2 parents are needed and that's it.... I saw that in some documentary.

There are different chemicals that are released that make u attached to the person rather than romantic love- like family love. But what's to say that everybody gets that? Some ppl just arent biologically fit to be loyal, to be monogamous

Plus, just cause something has been done for generations doesnt necessarily make it the right thing. Married couples stayed together because it was taboo the seperate, but who's to say they were happy?

I do think that divorce rates indicate a selfish society. "Being in love" is different than truly loving someone. Loving someone is being there for them in good times and bad. If you're only going to be with someone because you feel good, than you're only using that person. Marriage is a commitment, and if you're not going to be faithful to the commitments you make, then why make them in the first place? That's not to say there aren't legitimate reasons for divorce on occasion, but the vast majority are because people gave up when the going got tough.

 

And like I said before, humans are rational creatures. We are ruled by more than just instinct, and just because we feel a certain way doesn't mean we should give into that feeling. We are on a higher level than mere beasts.

 

"There are different chemicals that are released that make u attached to the person rather than romantic love- like family love. But what's to say that everybody gets that? Some ppl just arent biologically fit to be loyal, to be monogamous"- as i said before, not all ppl are built for a commitment

and sure, there are many reasons for divorce. But I think that marriage and commintment have been there for generations- like you said. So it got us thinking it's whats "right", when in fact its not something that's meant for everyone. Some ppl rush into marriage or feel obliged to get married just cause at a certain age thats what society tells you... family is involved many times into pushing ppl to get married....

 

yea, of course humans are rational being that are ruled by more than instict, but why deny an instict that's there and go against it? Im not talking about being unloyal. Im simply talking about never commiting yourself to anything u know u cant commit to

ppl shouldnt feel obliged to get married.

 

 

Is a person a "beast" just cause he believes in being with more than one partner for the rest of his life?

oh and i just noticed this sentence u wrote:

 

"I find it funny that people who don't want to be monogomous point to animals as their excuse. We have reason, which sets us apart from animals. There are lots of things that animals do that humans cannot morally do"

 

u think it's immoral to not be monogamous and to not believe that a commited relationship can last forever?

u know, there are lots oof things that set us apart from animals and there are lots of things that we share in commen

one strong thing being the urge to reproduce- an instict that had to be there for the human race to survive, along with all the other species on Earth. How could u go against it?

Divorce rates don't make me wonder about whether we're made for monogamy. It's only recently' date=' ie within the last 40 years, that divorce rates have drastically increased. Along with all the other social ills in modern society, it shows me that something is critically wrong with society. It shows me that with the "me" ideology, people do whatever they want without thinking of the consequences. Divorce rates show that people don't respect the commitments they make. They don't care that by rushing into a marriage with another person they don't know well enough, they may end up hurting that person. They'd rather do what they feel like now, and to hell with anyone else involved, such as children that may result from the marriage. High divorce rates aren't an indication that humans can't be monogamous, it's an indication that they're not really being human.[/quote']

 

 

Ok...divorce rates have increased in the last 40 years because it has become more accesible than it used to...people are no longer forced to be married if they dont want to. In the past people who were married and were no longer in love were forced to stay together, because at that time divorce wasnt an option.....yeah they were keeping a commitment they made, not because they want to, but because they had to. Therefore nothing is critically wrong with society, just society now has more of a choice whether they can move on from the marriage instead of staying in a relationship that they are unahppy with.

Why stay with someone when its just gonna coz years of unhappiness and bitterness for the sake of staying married.

It's instinctual to exact revenge upon a person should you become angry with them. From childhood we have to be reared to not "be mean" to others. Because the desire for revenge is instinctual, should we allow ourselves to give in?

 

I'm not going to get into a debate about the morality, or lack thereof, of not being monogamous. I'm not even interested in whether you should be monogamous or not. I'm Catholic, nuff said, and you're free to believe what you want. What I'm pointing out is that "animals aren't monogamous" is a pretty shoddy argument for non-monogamy, because we are not mere animals. To compare yourself to one in matters of what you should or should not do is to debase yourself.

 

well, u obviously come from a very traditional family

i just dont think that there's anything wrong with a person who never wants to get married, or doesnt believe in commitment. Marriage isnt meant for everyone, as much as we've been taught all our lives that it is.

And i dont think u can compare revenge as an instict to what Im trying to say, you're just taking it to extreme points cause u wanna prove a point that's not what Im saying. Im not talking about betrail and acting on instinct and sleeping with strangers. Simply saying that monogamy isnt meant for everyone, and u see on a daily basis that it simply doesnt work... so is it meant for us?

The comparison to animals is simply to show that many animals in the animal kindgom arent monogamous, and the human race wasnt an intellegent ife form from the very beginning, we all came from the same thing... and the instincts we have, including the one for revenge, is also in the wild. But there are some that our rational mind tells us are immoral- killing. But I dont think there's any reason to go against not wanting to commit...

anyway, that's just up to what kind of household u came from and what you've been taught...

trust me, I think the most beautiful thing in the world is when u see a couple of 80 year olds that spent their entire life together. But on the other hand, that's not right for everyone

monogamy is an interesting subject. i don't think there is anything wrong with not being monogamous as long as you know that you will probably hurt your boyfriend/ girlfriend and that karma will most probably come back to bite you in the ass two fold in return. i suppose there are pros and cons. but i can't really talk... i've never had a girlfriend so i'm no relationship guru....

Very interesting thread. You're right in what you've said, women wanna find someone who give them safety, they wanna feel protected... and not alone. For men, this thing is different, but I guess they also wanna find a partner.

 

Honestly, and according to my experience, I don't know if I could be monogomous... <and I am not saying I am promiscuous>.

 

Like if love is a human invention that the media made up or if it really is human instinct to meet someone to be with forever?

 

No, love isn't a human invention or ask to all those people who have been in love (I'm sure you're one of them), so this proves that love exists. I think I'd change sth of your sentence, the word forever 'cos you can think you wanna be with someone forever but in fact... this is an idea sold by the traditions, films but not real at all for the main reason that love isn't everlasting, but it lasts a specific period.

 

^ perhaps this is one of the saddest things I've realized in my entire life. :\

No, love isn't a human invention or ask to all those people who have been in love (I'm sure you're one of them), so this proves that love exists. I think I'd change sth of your sentence, the word forever 'cos you can think you wanna be with someone forever but in fact... this is an idea sold by the traditions, films but not real at all for the main reason that love isn't everlasting, but it lasts a specific period.

 

^ perhaps this is one of the saddest things I've realized in my entire life. :\

 

I dont think that the fact that most relationship dont last for very long proves, that they cant.

 

I think many people who dont believe in marriage still get married nowadays. I dont think that people who arent monogamous are generally selfish but it can lead to selfish behaviour that's for sure.

 

I also think this depends a lot on your cultural background. There are places where people aren't monogamous...

 

 

 

No, love isn't a human invention or ask to all those people who have been in love (I'm sure you're one of them), so this proves that love exists. I think I'd change sth of your sentence, the word forever 'cos you can think you wanna be with someone forever but in fact... this is an idea sold by the traditions, films but not real at all for the main reason that love isn't everlasting, but it lasts a specific period.

 

 

i think u said it just about right

it's true- love isnt everlasting, and that's what got me thinking that most of us arent built for monogamy... i said before that it can last up to 2 years according to a documentary i saw on TV

sadly, i dont think i've been truly in love yet... just had a couple of serious crushes but nothing more. I dont think i can call that "love"

I dont think that the fact that most relationship dont last for very long proves, that they cant.

 

I think many people who dont believe in marriage still get married nowadays. I dont think that people who arent monogamous are generally selfish but it can lead to selfish behaviour that's for sure.

 

I also think this depends a lot on your cultural background. There are places where people aren't monogamous...

 

IMO, it doesn't matter if people are monogamous or not, as long as they're open and honest about it from the start.;)

IMO' date=' it doesn't matter if people are monogamous or not, as long as they're open and honest about it from the start.;)[/quote']

 

I didnt say it does. But it causes loads of problems problems if they leave a family with kids and them kind of things.

I didnt say it does. But it causes loads of problems problems if they leave a family with kids and them kind of things.

 

Well if these people made no secret of the fact from the start, perhaps their partner would decide not to embark on a long-term relationship with them in the first place and this result would be avoided.;)

Yeah, obviously.

 

I also realised that people from different backgrounds see them things differently. I was quite suprised when I realised that most of the kids I worked with had half-brothers/ sisters.

Yeah, obviously.

 

I also realised that people from different backgrounds see them things differently. I was quite suprised when I realised that most of the kids I worked with had half-brothers/ sisters.

 

And how many of them were being raised by a single parent, I wonder?:rolleyes:

almost all of them obviously. seems to be the normal case.

almost all of them obviously. seems to be the normal case.

 

So have you checked this out yet??

 

http://www.coldplaying.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35256

I have now. ;)

I have now. ;)

 

Any comment?:sneaky:

I dont think that the fact that most relationship dont last for very long proves, that they cant.

 

I think many people who dont believe in marriage still get married nowadays. I dont think that people who arent monogamous are generally selfish but it can lead to selfish behaviour that's for sure.

 

I also think this depends a lot on your cultural background. There are places where people aren't monogamous...

 

I think it's much better not to be in a long relationship if you feel you don't love enough the person you're with. This doesn't make any sense, and although several years ago this was a normal thing to do, to be only with one person during your whole life, nowadays it's quite different than before.

 

I don't think it's a question of being selfish or only the cutural background although I won't deny it plays a big role. The fact it's scientifically proved that love lasts from 1 year up to 4 and afterwards, the relationship changes. It's just what Gal mentioned above

 

i think u said it just about right

it's true- love isnt everlasting, and that's what got me thinking that most of us arent built for monogamy... i said before that it can last up to 2 years according to a documentary i saw on TV

sadly, i dont think i've been truly in love yet... just had a couple of serious crushes but nothing more. I dont think i can call that "love"

 

Well, maybe you're built for monogamy when you're in love with someone, but once you don't feel that strong feeling, maybe you're monogamous or not 'cos it's something it's up to you.

I saw some documentaries about this topic, as well, and as a dreamer I am, I didn't want to believe them 'cos it's wonderful to believe that love is everlasting, that once you've met your ideal partner you'll be with him/her forever and that you will be happy with this person for ever.

 

Oh, Gal! I thought you had been truly in love at least once... but don't worry 'cos when you be in love, you don't have any doubts about how to call it, 'cos it'll be obvious for you.

Albatrosses are monogamous. They mate for life.;)

yeah, that's true...

but the thread is about Man not animals! :P